I will Arise and Go . . . .

Sometimes It Feels Like I Am Drowning

My prayer and my goal for today is simply Psalm 103 . . . all

Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.   Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; . . . . Let all that hath breath bless His holy name. 

Dear brothers & Sisters in Christ take it from someone who knows . . . . when people tell you that you're stronger than you think and you know you are barely making it through long days and lonely nights . . . . when you're down and your life is running on a tank that the fuel gage says is setting on empty . . . . when it takes what energy you have left to rejoice with them that rejoice because the joys of others only remind you of your own sense of emptiness and aloneness. 

That’s when something just clicked in my mind. As I was reading that psalm the Spirit of God brought to my mind the Parable of the Lost Sons and how the principles Jesus lays down in that story might apply to those drowning in grief. I believe there is a message of hope wrapped in this parable for all those who have suffered loss.

In the gospel of Luke chapter 15, verses 11-32., Jesus tells the parable of the prodigal sons. In the original parable Jesus speaks of two sons. One, the older son, remains within the authority of his father (reminds us you don’t have to leave the father’s house to be wayward) while the younger son demands his share of the father’s estate . . . his inheritance which he in short order manages to recklessly squander in a life of indulgence. In the end he finds himself destitute, friendless and alone. It is when he is at the end of his rope and can’t take it anymore, he decides to return to the father’s house where he is warmly welcomed.

For my purposes it doesn’t matter how the younger son found himself in the slough of despondency. In his case it was his own self-centered life of indulgence that landed him the hog pen of his life. For other, they may find themselves in a pit because of events over which they have little or no control. Others may find themselves there because that’s where their ministry is. Still others, like myself, find themselves in the pit because of the loss of a spouse or child. 

As an aside, I want to say a word or two to those well-meaning folks who keep saying God want you to know happiness. I think that might have been what Paul was thinking when in II Corinthians 12:6–7 he mentions repeatedly asking God to remove a certain “thorn in his flesh” and every time God answered he said “no.”  God want you to be faithful and due your reasonable service and that should be happiness enough.

I know I have asked God every day for the past 6 months to lift this cloud from my heart and mind that came over me after my precious wife, who I can’t remember not being in my life, went to be with the Lord. I don’t know what Paul’s thorn was but I do know what mine is. I suspect you actually know what yours is. 

I mention the “thorn in the flesh” because I am not talking about some “besetting” sin. I’m talking about a life experience that colors all your life and alters the filters through which you view your life. We may reach the place where we understand that this is God’s will for our life as He works through us to accomplish His purposes. 

Keep in mind that while our burden seems unbearable God, who knows us better than we know ourselves, has not promised us happiness. What He has promised is that He will not load us down with a burden we cannot carry and that if it reaches that point, he will open a way of escape. For some it is the joy of the Lord, not their joy but that of the Lord, that becomes their strength and allows them to live and faithfully serve with their own personal “thorn in the flesh.” 

I don’t know that the younger prodigal leaving to be on his own was his sin but it certainly resulted from a sinful heart that produced a foolish lifestyle that led to his impoverishment and as the father would say of him upon his return . . . .  “Was dead” and was “lost” (ὅτι ο τος ὁ υἱός μου νεκρὸς  ν καὶ ἀνέζησεν,  ν ἀπολωλὼς καὶ εὑρέθη). I think this sentence could be applied in a variety of ways. In the parable the son is clear as to what he means. He says, “I have sinned” and that he feels his unworthiness to be any longer called “son” (οὐκέτι εἰμὶ ἄξιος κληθ ναι υἱός σου).  

Truth is, it doesn't really matter much how we got to where we are in life the answer is the same . . . . a return to the Father’s house. The words “sinned” and “unworthy” came out of the younger son’s mouth because he took the father’s blessing and wasted it in riotous living. But the answer to his problem was a return to the father’s house. 

Did you notice that the Father even while saying his son was “dead” and “lost” still called him son. Nothing has changed to negate I John 3:2 where we read these glorious words, “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.”

There are two themes that I believe are important to the story of the prodigal sons. First, is the idea of helpless lostness that hides the real answer to getting out of the pit of despair. Second is the need to return to the Father’s house. 

For those of us who are grieving over our loss that very process often blinds us to the answers to our needs. The God bestowed “one flesh” gift that God gives to some few of his children can cause give birth to a depth of grief when one spouse is set free to actually return to the Father’s house.  I know, I live there. 

To be sure it is not where I want to be neither is it where I should be as a child of God. Everything that I know and everything that I believe points to this separation as an interlude in the symphony God in Christ is composing in the oneness Susan and I became. But, and oh what a but it is, when a man and a woman become one flesh, they are no longer two but one and I dare say to brother Paul, you haven’t had a thorn until you get this one. It didn’t arise from sin; it wasn’t the result of carelessness. It is there so that God's strength can be made known through our weakness.

By the way, about the only thing in which a man and a woman can’t actually become is "one flesh physically." The body is designed for this world and when God calls his children home they have to drop that old body. Interestingly enough in becoming one flesh it is a soul and spirit thing and not of the flesh. I used to tell Susan, I didn’t fall in love with your body though it makes a mighty fine package but I looked into your eyes and saw your soul and that’s what won my heart. Susan was the woman in whom my soul delighted and for 54-1/2 years of marriage and more than 60 years in some level of relationship that’s what we, unbeknown to ourselves most of the time, were doing - - - becoming one flesh. And here is the glorying part . . . . we actually became one. 

It is this becoming one spiritually that I am coming to believe that set the timing for Susan’s going to be with the Lord. I suspect that aspect of God’s will for our life had achieved all that He intended as long as we are together in the flesh. This doesn’t mean the becoming one has ended but it does mean that until whatever his purpose is for my remaining behind are there is still work to be done.  Ah, but I digress.

My point is that sometimes we can’t see the Father’s house because of our sin; sometime because of our pain; and, sometime because of our grief. We are, in a sense blind. Once we recognize our need to return to the Father’s house, we must actually start the journey that will bring us to the Father’s house . . . it is there we find our resources. In my mind this is the hard part. 

We, like the prodigal, seem to have this need to keep digging until we finally realize where our deliverance is not in knowing the answer to our need but to stop digging. But just because we have stopped digging does not mean we are out of the hole in which we are stuck. 

I know I changed the metaphor from feeding swine to digging a whole. Feeding the swine is also a useful metaphor here because we often keep feeding our sadness and sorrow. Don’t be guilty of feeding your own pain. In the story Jesus told the young man had to stop what he was doing, turn toward home and start walking.  

Don't forget there is a spiritual dimension to overcoming the debilitating effects of deep grief. It is not one of those things that you can do by the might or power of the flesh. Neither is it something your mind can conquer. It is only by the Spirit of God that this depth of sorrow. God is present the Lord is at work and the Spirit is moving in you during these days but all you feel is your sense of loss. Pray that soon you like the two disciples on the road to Emmaus suddenly realize, “Did not our heart burn within us while He talked with us on the road . . . ." Like Saul of Tarsus Jesus will meet you somewhere along the journey and point you to where your eyes will be opened and you shall see all this as God sees it . . . like you spouse in eternity now sees it. Oh, if only we could see as God doth see . . . . one day we will

The truth is the deeper and longer the love has been shared between a man and a woman the deeper and longer the pain of separation. When we find ourselves struggling, we need follow the example of the younger son in the parable of the lost sons and realize that it is time to return to the Father's house.  In the vernacular, it is time to go to Daddy's house . . . .to go home . . . to return to the God of our fathers. Somehow, we need to find our way back home. 

Don't forget, the prodigal didn't just decide to go to the father's house and somehow, he magically arrived at the house. There were plenty of steps to be taken on the way home. Each one of those steps filled with fear and inward pain. It wasn't until a point in time known only to his father that felt his father's hand on his shoulder and knew from the touch that all is now well.

BTW - don't fall into the trap of the older brother and resent the return to normalcy of your friends while you are still struggling. Misery may love company but it shouldn't . . . . instead rejoice with what energy you have that they have been so blessed. 

The good news is that when we get in sight of home the Father doesn't wait for us to get to Him He comes out to meet us as we are coming . . . . where we are not where we are going to be.

It is when we find ourselves at this place that we need to find a way to cast our care on the Lord and let the joy of the Lord be our strength. Reach up as best you can and take hold of God's hand . . . . He's reaching down to take it. Get up and lean on God. To those who are feeling lost right now like me, we'll get through it. One step at a time.

I have stopped praying for deliverance and started praying . . . 

 “Open my eyes that I may see

glimpses of truth thou hast for me.

Place in my hands the wonderful key

that shall unclasp and set me free.

Silently now I wait for thee,

ready, my God, thy will to see.

Open my eyes, illumine me,

Spirit divine!

Open my ears that I may hear

voices of truth thou sendest clear,

and while the wave notes fall on my ear,

ev’rything false will disappear.

Silently now I wait for thee,

ready, my God, thy will to see.

Open my ears, illumine me,

Spirit divine!

Open my mouth and let me bear

gladly the warm truth ev’rywhere.

Open my heart and let me prepare

love with thy children thus to share.

Silently now I wait for thee,

ready, my God, thy will to see.

Open my mouth, illumine me,

Spirit divine!

I suppose if you want a succinct statement, I'll just have to quote my dear friend Vicky Murphey's last two spoken words, "Trust God." Yep, that's it . . . . trust God. 

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."  I think it is time we sore up on the wings of eagles; and, I know I am ready to run and not become weary; and, at my age I'll be happy just to walk and talk with Jesus along the rest of my life's way." Even so, come Lord Jesus.

I Have a Longing in My Heart for The Uncool Churches of My Youth

 

I could have written the following paragraph and in fact, I wish that I had, but Joshua Gilmore beat me too it . . . .

 "I grew up in an “uncool church.” The sermons were not slick. The music was not modern. And the church’s position on societal issues certainly was not politically correct. But back then, churches like this were totally OK." --  Joshua Gilmore

I'll just add that it would not hurt my feelings to see the Pop Churches of our day just fade away and the uncool churches of yesteryear return. I cannot help it . . . . what I know and what my experience and feelings all tell me is that 10 churches with 500 members will develop more committed followers of Jesus Christ than a pop church with 5000 members. 

Even Nature tells us that real growth comes by dividing not multiplying. Freddy Gage was justified in saying, "Thank God for split Baptist churches."  Life starts as a single cell and it continually divides until it becomes an independent being. It may be nurtured first in the womb . . . then in the home but at some lont it is declared grown and sent out to replicate the process. So, it should be with church.

I remember what Darrell Robinson when he was pastor of the First Baptist Church of Pasadena, Texas said to me on one occasion. It was in the early 1980's and the church was running somewhere in the neighborhood of 2000 in Sunday school. He said that they were really about five churches who met under one roof on Sunday for group worship. As I reflected on that I realized that the phrase “five churches meeting under one roof for worship” followed what I believe is the optimum principle for church membership, I.E., About 500 members.

I grew up in one of those “uncool” churches of the 1950's-60's. Truth is, unless you are my age you probably have no idea what those now called “uncool” churches were like. I can only speak from my experience here. 

First, those churches were intimate. They were in some cases like the sitcom bar Cheers on television . . . a place where everybody knew your name.  You couldn’t get lost in an uncool church because someone would notice and come looking for you. 

Second, those uncool churches saw their members as family and not just fellow church members. The reason they felt this way is because they still spoke of the church in biblical and not marketing terms. The church is the body of Christ . . . she is the Bride of Christ . . . . together we are the children of God . . . . .  We are each one saved by the blood of Christ and that makes us blood kin and that makes us family. This is a significance that matters. As family we know one another, we support one another, we pray for one another and we help one another. “We are all family. “I've got all my brothers and my sisters with me. We may not always get along but in our weakness, we can be strong”

Third, uncool churches did not have moral or ethical ambivalence. Moral and ethical issues were resolved by asking the question, “What saith the Scriptures?”  If the Bible said don’t do it then you simply don’t do it. Uncool churches were not interested in a bunch of psychological or sociological theories. The guiding principle was, “God does not regulate what he prohibits nor does he prohibit that which He regulates.” In the uncool church the Bible was the standard for both faith and practice (conduct). If God’s word defined something as an abomination, then the uncool church agreed. There is no situationism or relativism in the uncool church.

The uncool church had its share of great preachers but admittedly most were mediocre at best. However, as my preacher friend, the late Lester Collins, would say, they were adequate. They got the job done. I suppose that was because in their weakness they were strong - “For when I am weak, then I am strong” (II Cor. 12:10). These men knew they were just adequate and felt totally insufficient. So, they leaned not on their education but rather on the Holy Spirit. They poured their hearts out to God literally begging God to use their feeble attempts to glorify Himself . . . and He did. 

I hate to take the wind out of anyone’s sails, Naw not really, but God is not impressed by your or my gifts, talents or cognitive acumen. Biblically we might express it thusly, “Paul planted, Apollos watered” . . . . but you know what?  It was God who gave the increase. The same is true today. 

In the uncool church there is far more dependence upon the working of the Holy Spirit than in the Pop Church. I will add that where we lean the hardest on the Spirit it is there that the Spirit works the most. We need to remember that it was God who said, “Not by might nor by power but my Spirit says the Lord” (Zechariah 4:6).

This reminds me that in the uncool church the minister/preacher is answerable to God. He is called of God and he answers to God. He does what He does because to do otherwise is to be outside of the calling of God on His life. The only reason to become a preacher, pastor, missionary or whatever is because God has called you to do so. One of the tests applied to this “calling” in the day of the uncool church was, “If you can do anything else in life and be happy then you are not called of God.” It is the Jeremiah principle, “But if I say, ‘I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name. his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.”

While I am venting, as far as I can tell the satellite model of church growth is nothing more and nothing less than empire building. The audacity of those who think their “satellite churches” cannot function without the guidance of the Right Reverend Dr. Captain Kirk. I guess the Holy Spirit is not capable of speaking to and leading the members of a satellite church so the mother ship has to maintain control. 

That's a far cry from Paul preaching in a strange city, baptizing a few converts, organizing a church and then leaving for next town and letting the Holy Spirit do His work. I always thought my job was to prepare and preach the sermon but that the heavy lifting was done by the Holy Spirit during the invitation time. It is God’s church not our kingdom.

Instead of 5-10 satellite congregations why not start 5-10 independent churches with their own pastors and their own staff and answerable to the Holy Spirit and not the "mother ship." God is the captain of the mother ship and the resources in all His churches belong to Him.  

The Bible teaches that churches, real churches, are built on the model of the family and not the corporate model of the business world.  

As indicated earlier ministers are servants, not employees and not CEO's. But we have descended from servants to servant minister to celebrity leaders.  Yes, I did mean descended as in "gone downhill."

Well, so much for what I think . . . .Oh, I know, your mega-church with its pop culture and little moons revolving around your little central sun is different . . . sure it is. BTW - I have a bridge in Arizona if you're interested.

“The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away.”

Let me give you some context for what I want to say . . . . I have mentioned before that the very first Bible verse I remember hearing came from the lips of my paternal grandfather. By all accounts and with what little experience I had with him he was a Godly man. It was not one of the verses that so many learn at an early age but a line spoken by Job. It is found in chapter one verse 21 where Job says, “The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away.” I learned it as an object lesson from this saint of God. 

Staying at his home and sitting at his table  enjoying all the grandfather attention I decided I didn’t want what was on my plate but rather wanted dessert first. After a few minutes of my headstrong bad behavior he reached over . . . . took my plate and said, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord . . . son you are now dismissed from the table.”

Secondly, this verse took on major significance when my wife of almost 55 years and with whom I had literally become “one flesh” in its full meaning passed from a side affect of her chemotherapy treatments for pancreatic cancer. This all happened in the midst of the infamous Covid-19 pandemic. I will go to my grave with the words of one oncologist in Houston ringing in my ears. Long story short, he said to me, “Based calling your wife’s medical history for the last two-and-a-half years she reported serious symptoms early enough for me to believe had she receive treatment then we would have had a very different conclusion. Your wife did not die with Covid-19 but she did die because of Covid-19.”

What he was telling me was that the most precious gift God had given me was taken because the healthcare system and the government failed. The pressure and restraints placed they upon doctors during the Covid-19 pandemic caused them to refuse referrals and new patients. As a result, my dear wife was unable to receive diagnosis and treatment until her cancer had metastasized. Unfortunately, metastasized pancreatic cancer is incurable. I watched has the most precious gift God has given me withered and died. 

It was when what I learned from my grandfather collided with what I experienced with the passing of my wife that I finally came to grips with Job’s dilemma. 

Unwittingly I was introduced by my grandfather to the Doctrine of the Sovereignty of God. I did not fully comprehend the full meaning of what he was teaching me that day. I have come back to that verse too many times because I had lost something.  However, as the years passed, little by little, I began to see there was more to this verse than just losing something. However, when my wife passed it put me on a collision course with the Sovereignty of God.

These two experiences form the context for what I want to say.

Somewhere in that journey I realized that with regard to this verse (Job 1:21b) I was always focusing on the negative. You know, “The Lord . . . and taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. 

I suppose that which does not give us good feelings will inevitably be where your focus falls. We had something that pleased us, that helped us, that encouraged us and in my case in many ways was a part of us that was taken from us. I could spend time talking about the many examples of gain and loss in a material way but rarely are we so dependent upon anything material that if taken away could not be repaired or replaced. The would be illustrative but hardly sufficient when that which is taken away cannot be repaired or replaced.

But, what about when that which is more precious to you than your own life is taken? What then? 

Let’s back up and start at the beginning. No not the beginning of time but our beginning in time. I’ll say more about the beginning of mankind at a later date.  

In that verse my grandfather taught me that day there was a part of the verse he did not mention. The first part of Job 1:21, the part he omitted, states, “Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither.” This part of the verse is vital is essential to understanding not only this verse but the whole of the Book of Job. 

Job begins the story of his horrible time of consecutive and continuous loss be reminding the reader that we started out without anything and in the end, we will take nothing with us when we die. Implied in this is that not only did we come into the world with nothing but that everything we obtain we received by the grace of God and will be surrendered at death.

By the way, the idiom “Have the patience of Job” is a miss read of the Book of Job. I cannot relate to that Job. Truth is, Job was not a patient man and he was a man who did not mind confronting God and telling God how he really felt. Job said, “Blessed be the Name of the Lord” in spite of the fact he didn’t approve of anything God had done to his family and didn’t think God could show just cause for what He had done.” That Job is the Job with whom I can relate.

I did not and I do not like what God has done by taking my sweet Susan and a part of my own soul from me. However, I do know and confess that God is Sovereign . . . . He is Lord of all (owns everything) and therefore is can do whatever He chooses for whatever reasons He wants and still be righteous. He is Lord of all!

Susan and I believed with all our being that God had brought us together as a part of His plan in the Earth. He had chosen and prepared us for each other. As time passed, he created circumstances so that we would not only be husband and wife but we would achieve by His grace becoming One Flesh . . . a single independent living unit composed of a male and a female component . . . . we were no longer a two but one in every sense. As Susan and I journey through life somewhere along the way we got so mixed up together that I sense that she had not only got into my heart but also my soul. I had “found the one whom my soul loves” (Song of Solomon 3:4).  

She was a part of that “The Lord giveth . . .”  Know and experiencing her as a love gift from God has brought great joy to me heart and now that she is gone it brings great sorrow. Not sorrow that God has brought her into His presence but that she is no longer physically in my presence. 

So how do we respond to what the Sovereign God does when we don’t understand why or like what he is doing.  Let's look at that for a moment. I can tell you what I did and didn’t do.

1. First I didn’t do anything. I was just numb. The whole experience was not real and for days I walked around think that any minute Susan would walk through the door and this nightmare would be over. 

'2. Second, I do not recall ever accusing God of capriciousness or arbitrary in taking my Susan from me do I believe it was to punish me for my sin. But even if you do feel that way it is not wrong. I think God is big enough and loving enough to understand that the neurons in your brain have your emotions and thinking stirred-up like scrambled eggs. 

Let me be clear on this . . . . this does not mean that trouble and significant losses in our lives is a sign of God’s punishment for some kind of sin. Is it possible?  Yes.  Is it probable? No. Is it with purpose? Always

I know Him to be sovereign but I also know Him to be righteous.  However, I did want answers. 

• I wanted to know the reason why He decided this was the time for her to come home to Him? 
• I wanted to know what He was doing through her home-going and why. 
• I wanted to know why she had to suffer and fight as she did. 
• I want to know why He didn’t do it in a way that didn’t hurt so much. 
• I wanted to know, “What am I supposed to do now.”  

In short, I needed something to give meaning to what appeared to me to be a senseless series of events and as time passes, He step by step brings me to resolution if not full understanding. I never believed I was forsaken of God but there were moments when I did not fell His presence. However, though I did not feel His presence I knew He was there. How you ask did I know that. Because I know God is faithful and His word is true and He promised me that He would not leave me or forsake me . . . . He was there all the time. Like Job, even though I still did not fully understand or appreciate God’s authority or presence at the time I never doubted it.

Job knew something with which I needed to come to grips. Job knew that it is God who gives us everything, and He can take everything away at a time and place of His choosing. Nothing that happens does so outside of His control and at the very least His permissive will. Unfortunately, we are quick to recognize and bless His holy name when things are going well and not so quick when they do not.

I remember, a couple of weeks after Susan passed, I felt the urge to pray and thank God for the gift of her love; for allowing us to become so close that her passing caused me then and now such great pain; that He gave us the time and the guidance to become “one flesh;” and one day will once again place her hand in mine.

In Romans 11:29 Paul reminds us that “God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.” That makes Susan’s transition from this temporal world to Paradise (the place where Jesus is) so much more bearable even if still painful. It reminds me that Susan has not left me. She has not left me in the sense that her investment in my life is still with me. More importantly she has not left me but merely in another place awaiting me. In short, she is not dead nor doth she sleep!

I sometime think of it this way: She is in Paradise walking hand-in-hand with Jesus; I am here on Earth walking hand-in-hand with Jesus; Since we are both walking hand-in-hand with the Lord we are still walking together. 

It enables me to say with Job, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him” (Job 13:15).  I will trust in Him!

The key for me is understanding and accepting that God’s ways are so much higher than our own and though we are created in His image and with the capacity to have fellowship with Him we can never fathom the mind of God or fully understand His eternal purposes. I am finally at the place where I can say, because of it I can say not because events require it but because my heart and mind desire it, “Lord, I still don’t understand it and I am still hurting but I accept you will.”  

I have come to understand that God lso gives when He takes away.

When we can once again say with both heart, mind and soul . . . . “Bless the LORD, O my soul: And all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; Who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; Who crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; So that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's” (Psalm 103:1-5 KJV) . . . . we will be well on our way towards our new normal.  

Our Wedding Gift From God

December 23, 1966 - When I said "I do"

I married Susan on December 23, 1966. As I looked into her eyes that day and she placed that wedding band on the third finger of my left hand I knew I was the most blessed man on the Earth.  Looking into her eyes I saw into her soul and I knew without a doubt she loved me with all of her heart and soul. I knew that night that no mater what life brought our way she would still love me.

As I saw her standing in that white wedding gown the symbolism of “white” was not lost on her or to me. As the ceremony came to an end and the minister said, “You may now kiss your bride” (Just so you know, he could not have stopped me). As our lips met I experienced not just the physical touch but something wonderful passed between us . . . . I felt as though I had just been touched in my soul/spirit by the love of this wonderful woman. Oh, to be sure we had kissed before . . . plenty of times. There were the “pecks” of affection and the long lingering kisses filled with the passion of young love but . . . . this was different. On Friday night December 23, 1966 with that kiss something stirred within me that night that has never left. I knew I had found the one in whom my soul delights. That has not changed to this day.

It was then that I realized that while I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen let alone met that was not enough for me to marry. It was with that kiss that I began to realize that our love was not born of passion nor of anything else that normally draws a man and woman together. Our love for each other was placed within us by the very hand of God. God joined us as one and my God does not make any mistakes. He acts with purpose and because He does we always believed His love and purposes were a part of the mix. 

I’m sure up until that time in her mind she thought she had wooed and won my heart and  I am sure I thought the same. But with that one kiss that theory was proven wrong. Tt was the growing awareness that the love we had for each other was God’s wedding gift to us. As time went by I discovered that Susan’s love was a reflection of God’s love. Somehow through her life experience she had developed into a young Proverbs 31:30 “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”

As the years passed she became more and more into that woman. I remember when delivering her Memorial sermon at her funeral saying. . . . “Susan is not an example of the Proverbs 31woman . . . . she IS that woman.”  I am not trying to say she was without flaw . . . I am saying she is the perfect woman for me. In many ways we were opposites but at the same time we were more than compatible . . . I like to say we were complementary. Only God could match up to people as appropriately as he did us. Our togetherness was a part of His eternal plan.

David and Susan - 2018

She would tell me things like, “You are my rock” and I would say in return, “You are my soft place.” Fast forward fifty-four years and we are sitting at a table saying the same thing. But now, we were marveling at how God had taken two independent young kids (we were 19 when we married) and in 54 years turned us into a single unit. We knew we were facing our final curtain and that not many months were left to us but we were concluding the matter with, “but through it all God had given us a good life and it was made so much better because we did it together.”  Not our way but as best we understood . . . . God’s way.

Susan was my Proverbs 31 woman but she was also a woman. She cared about how she looked . . . . as the years passed she bemoaned the evidence of aging and the changes that made in her appearance. This became even more pronounced as her pancreatic cancer and the chemotherapy ravaged her body. I cried the day she looked at me after seeing herself in the mirror tuned with tears in her eyes said, “I look like a holocaust victim.” 

It as at that point I took her by they hand looked into her eyes, as we often did, and said, “Susan, I don’t love you because of how you look . . . I love you because of who you are.” Then I turned to a picture on our wall from our wedding and said as I pointed at her in that picture and said, “This is the woman I see.” 

Now understand, I am not blind or stupid . . . . I saw what was happening to her physically and I hurt for her. But, I didn’t love her for her beauty. To be sure, in my eyes, she was a most attractive woman and I was always proud to have her by my side at events.  What I fell in love with was her . . . the nice body just a bonus that came with her as a part of the complete package.

The Beauty will fade with time, but heart and soul will always be the same . . . the body will die but the love will never die. Oh, I miss her presence . . . .unless you have been there you cannot understand how much. Our love was deeper than the ocean and higher than the stars. But, changing the pronouns, I prefer the words of Randy Travis who wrote:

Our love is deeper than the holler.

Stronger than the river.

Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill.

Our love is purer than the snowflakes,

That fall in late December.

And honest as a Robin on a springtime window sill.

And longer than the song of a whippoorwill.

Six months after her passing I am finally getting to place where I can say to the world with conviction the very first Bible verse I remember hearing as a child . . . . “The Lord gives and he Lord takes away, Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21).

Now you cannot have what we had but if you want it you can have your own version of the gift of God’s love. But you must experience the love of God before you can reflect His love. You can experience the love of God in the person of God’s son, Jesus the Christ. Check it out . . . .it is in the Bible.

"Thank You For Your Service" Covers More Than You Think

Buford M. Appleby, Veteran WWII

I want to begin by saying to all Veterans . . . "Thank You for your service."  I say that with sincerity of heart. My family has a long history of service of which I am proud. Members of my family have served in every generation from the being in the Continental Army during the War for Independence and then in every succeeding war to the present. Others served in peacetime . . .  but all served. But it is to those now living among us I say, "Thank you for your service."

Listening to a friend talk about Veteran's Day and his own coming home from Vietnam in 1970 I got to thinking about veterans both past and present. 

On Memorial Day we celebrate the shortened lives of our soldiers, sailors and airmen who gave their all in defense of this nation. Veteran's Day is the day that we celebrate and thank those who served in this nations defense. 

As he spoke there was line that jumped out to me about veteran's in general but I suspect Vietnam veterans in particular. As he spoke of the difference between Memorial Day and Veteran's Day he said something to the effect of, "Some served and gave their all and others served and came home with their memories . . . but all served.

It was the pathos in his voice when he said "Came home with their memories" that struck me.  My own father, a WWII veteran, would sometime get that strange far away look in his eyes when he went back to those days in his life. He would frequently say to me, "Be nice to people . . . . you don't know the load they are carrying." I sometimes wondered if he wasn't speaking from his wartime experience.

I have some thoughts that I want to share:

There is a sense in which all those men who went to war not only faced death but died. Some died from the bullets and the bombs (those we celebrate on Memorial Day).  Many others who survived the physicality of war but a part of who they were when they first put on that uniform had died somewhere between then and their honorable discharge. They did not come home the same people that they were when they left for the battlefield.

 Oh, they were still Sons and Daughters, Mom’s and Dad’s but not the ones who went marching off to war. Some say that war made them “grow-up” in a hurry; others became cynical; a few became psychotic; others rediscovered their God . . . . . but all were changed in some basic ways. To be sure they came home and tried with all their strength to step back into the life they had before the “War” but some have been able to do so. 

For those with a strong moral ethical core already in place the effect was minimal. For the rest, it really did change their lives. Those who suffer severely we identify as having PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) . . . . .PTSD is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it.  

I am here to tell you that you never get over it . . . . PTSD like grief never goes away. To people suffering from both of these the words , “just get over it” can be infuriating. If they could, don’t you think they would. I don’t pretend to know why we can’t just “get over it” but, I know neither PTSD or grief work that way. You don’t get over it and time does not heal it . . . . you just have to push through it. 

Veterans Recognized in Church

It is always there lurking in the background for some and ever on their minds for others.  The flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event are burned into the subconscious for all but for some it is an ever present companion. Most people who go through traumatic events may have temporary difficulty adjusting and coping, but with time and good self-care, they usually get better others are not so fortunate. 

What I am trying to say is, that just because a veteran was not killed in battle doesn’t mean that he/she didn’t give their all. In point of fact all of them are still giving. Not everyone can compartmentalize their lives. They don’t have a box in which to store those horrific memories. They don’t have a little pocket that they can put their troubles in or the pocket they have is too small.

Homeless Veteran

So on Veteran’s Day thank a Veteran for his/her service. But more importantly do it every day as you cross paths with a veteran. 

Folks, I know it is trite, but, “Freedom isn’t Free!”  I will add that it cost those who defended ours far more than you can know for longer than you can imagine. As you thank them keep in mind some of them paid a high price and some are still paying for rendering that service. And remember: Along with that immaculately dressed veteran who stands up in church to be recognized on Veteran’s Day as we proudly sing the “Salute to the Armed Services Medley” is the homeless bearded guy living in a public park might well have paid a mighty high price to help preserve our freedom.

BTW - I am not offering advise regarding PTSD because I believe that every single case of PTSD has a different genesis and different expression depending on the core person of each individual experiencing it. 

It Was Never About The Game

I remember seeing on television either in a commercial or a news item a series of pictures of the same man with his wife attending a professional football game over a number of years. Actually, it was more than just a picture. It was a series of photographs the shows them aging as the years passed and they sat in the same seats the same ball game. Clearly season ticket holders.  

In the first three or four photographs both the husband and the wife were smiling and pointing and happy and even appeared have aged very little. The next-to-last the photograph showed the couples together the man clearly was ill but still they were laughing and they were smiling as they watched their favorite teams play. Then in the last frame the man was not in the picture. The wife was in her usual seat watching her favorite team but is this photo the smile was not present. She seemed disinterested in watching the game or even being there in the first place.

I was talking with a friend who like myself had recently lost their spouse about the fact that so many things that I used to do did not appeal to me as they once did. I didn't seem to have any interest in eating, going anywhere or even doing anything. Remarkably, she said to me that she was experiencing the very same thing. There’s something strange about routines and that is they are not as routine as perhaps we might think. The places we go and the things that we do have a meaning beyond the place on the thing itself. Something else gives them meaning and purpose.

I remember Susan and I always talked about the fact that we had neither one ever been to the Grand Canyon. It was something we wanted to do and something we probably should have done but we didn’t. As I spoke with the lady mentioned above I related this failure to make that trip a reality. As I told her about it I said, “I believe that if Susan and I had taken that trip to the Grand Canyon I would have stood with her on the rim of the canyon and slowly taken in the scene unfolding  before us as I could.” Then I would have turned to her and said, “What an amazing and wonderful thing God has done in this arid land.” I think she might have replied, “Indeed, it is as awe inspiring as when we stood and viewed the three sisters in the Blue Mountains of Australia”

However, if I were to go there by myself today stand on the rim of that chasm in the earth as I surveyed it from one end to the other I would probably just say to myself, “It’s just another big hole in the ground.”

I remember hearing at more weddings than I’d like to admit the minister say to a young couple somewhere during the ceremony that now that they were husband and wife the joys of life would be doubled because there are two to share the joy. He would go on and say that because they were now husband and wife the burdens and sorrows of life would be more easily carried because there was now two to carry them. 

In the opening chapters of Genesis God says it is not good that the man should be alone. So he created woman to be alongside of man to make up what is lacking in the man. I think this goes to one of the reasons God created woman and brought her to man and declared that they are to become one flesh. God knew that that life is better when it is shared. 

Most of our lives are spent focused on the things that we do, the places that we go and the recreation in which we engage. However, while we are focused on things and places and activities something else is transpiring. And because this something else is happening quietly the places and things and activities have an importance beyond themselves.

With the passing of time we are going to realize that it wasn’t the games that we played and it wasn’t the things that we did go to the places where we went but it was the people with whom we did those things. At least I hope that's the case.

The truth is the day is coming for all of us as illustrated in that first paragraph about this old man and old woman that we will realize it was not the game but the people with whom we watched the game;  It wasn’t about the house we owned. It was the people who in it;  It wasn’t about the coffee we drank, but for whom you made and shared it;  It wasn’t all the work we put in at the office, but who was laboring along side of us; And, it wasn’t the dinners prepared for us, it was who brought you your plate.

It is important that we discover sooner rather than later that the time people give us is time in their life they will never get back. It is the people with whom we shared life that gave meaning to all those things we do. It is when the people with whom we shared life are no longer present that the things that we did together lose much of their value. They become memories to never be repeated. 

This became a reality to me when Susan, my wife a 54½ years took her Heavenly flight. It was then that I came face-to-face with a reality that much of what defined and gave meaning to my life gone. We had become what scripture calls one flesh and now a part of who I am tis no longer present with me. In a mysterious way when Susan left a great deal at what I did everyday for all those years no longer had significance or meaning.

You see it was not the game that we watched it was the fact that we watched it together and that’s true of every other activity that we shared. 

Because this is true I think it’s important that we learn early on in life that the most valuable thing we give to each other is our time. Time is the most valuable asset that we have. It’s the one possession that when we spend it we will never get it back. So we need to learn to value our time and the time others give to us. We must focus on people because relationships are the real value in life.

I have spent more than 60 years as a Baptist preacher/pastor and I have stood by with many a person as they lay dying and I yet to hear the first person say, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” Nope . . . .its all about the people in our lives and especially that special someone who gives our lives meaning.

Speak to be Understood Not to Impress.

A few years ago I was waiting to board a cruise ship in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. For some reason they had been late getting the ship cleared to disembark the folks just returning from the cruise just preceding ours and we had to wait outside th terminal. While there I struck up a conversation with a man who was a number of years older than myself. Turns out he was there with a group composed of the members of three synagogues from New York and New Jersey. 

Turns out, as we exchanged niceties, I learned he had several terminal degrees but was now retired from a career of teaching both Theoretical and Quantum Physics at some university. We had a marvelous discussion of just plain old every day things.

Later, once we were onboard and in our cabin as Susan and I were talking she said to me, “It was nice to have someone so willing and interesting to talk with while we waited.” I responded in the affirmative. Then she added, “He talked just like regular people.”

Now to give that context you need to understand that we have spent a large portion of our lives with academics who don’t seem to know that every language has a vernacular that enables us to converse with “ordinary” people - people outside of our area of expertise. In short she was saying he was not only a man of high intellect in his field but that he was also a man who could move easily with people who had not the foggiest of idea about the realm of study in which he had invested his life.

Contrast that with the young theologue from Baylor University who stopped by my office one day just to visit. He spent the first ten minutes using just about every theological buzz word I could imagine. I had the distinct feeling he was trying to impress me with what he learned at Baylor. At some point I remember saying to him, “You know we can go on speaking in theological jargon or we can actually have a conversation.” 

Here is my point, The old man I spoke with on the dock in Fort Lauderdale knew instinctively that I knew nothing about the field of his expertise so when I asked about what he did he told me and then went on to talk about thing ordinary people talk about. He saw no need to impress me with what I did not understand. You see over time he had added wisdom to knowledge. My young friend felt the need to display his newly obtained knowledge without realizing it was “old news” to me. I already new he was bright. I am happy to say that with time he also added wisdom to his knowledge.

In my world view it is the wise man who learns to communicate great thought in the vernacular.  Speak to be understood not to impress. The Apostle Paul managed in his day. I would rather speak five words that can be understood by all than use ten thousand words only a few will understand.”   

P.S. Try to listen more than you speak (try to understand). The world will not come to an end if the air is not filled with the sound of our voice waxing eloquent.

How Is Your Hospitality?

My friend, Bill Murphey, in his morning devotion pod-cast mentioned Hebrews 13:2 where we are told that "some have entertained angels unawares." He could have just stopped there because my mind was off to te races with this idea. 

The Greek word ἀγγέλους (angels) means "messengers." In vernacular language the word angels is a reference to the rank and file of the Heavenly host. In addition Scripture mentions three archangels, Michele, Gabriele and Raphael.   

It is used here in Hebrews 13:2 in the context of the Christian showing kindness to people that they do not know. I think narrowly understood “entertaining strangers” means demonstrating brotherly love in your treatment fellow Christians whom you do not personally know as is they were beloved family members. One way believers can do this is by pitching in to care for the needs of Christian ministers and missionaries, showing hospitality and entertaining them in our homes.  In a broader sense “entertaining strangers” could well mean anyone in need that you do not personally know. 

First-century accommodations for travelers were often unavailable, especially in smaller towns. If lodgings existed, they were typically expensive, immoral, and unsanitary establishments. It was much more common for travelers to stay in the home of a friend or family member.

The incentive for doing this is the fact that in doing so you may well be showing kindness to and angel (messenger) from God. One of the reasons for showing kindness to people who are essentially strangers to us, other than kindness is to be the rule in the believers life, is because in and amongst those strangers who come in and out of our lives God may very well have placed some of His angels. 

Now since some of these strangers you entertain might be messengers from God we must at least acknowledge that messengers are about the business of delivering messages. I think given the fact that ἀγγέλους are messengers sent from God it behooves us to pay careful attention to the strangers among us because God may well be saying something to us through those strangers about our faithfulness in the business of hospitality.  A kind of testing not to confirm what He already knows but to prompt us to be diligent. 

Have you ever done a kindness, shown hospitality, or rendered some sort of aid and then later wondered if, maybe you had just unbeknown to you at the time, the person you aided (extended hospitality to) was an angel of the Lord. If so, what did you learn?

Success In Marriage Begins At The Foot of the Cross

Just some of my mental wanderings this morning . . . .  I know, it is too long . . . . Yep, it is one of those never ending stories of Jesus and His love.  Hope these ramblings make some sort of sense to you . . . . they do me.

Ever since my dear Susan passed from this life to the next I have spent a lot of my time looking at the creation of man and the becoming “one flesh” in Genesis 1-2 with an eye toward how getting a good understanding of that event illuminates the whole of Scripture. 

Understanding how and why God created man in the first place will go a long way toward helping us understand where God is going with the human story. Our lives are indeed in His hands but they are there with purpose. In my mind that purpose is to bring us back to where we started . . . . namely, man’s pre-fall condition.

God has not changed His mind about mankind. God still wants fellowship with man; He still wants man in the Garden of Paradise; and, He still wants man there in innocence. To this end he set in motion His plan for our redemption.

I seems clear to me that when God says that man and woman become one flesh He is saying that they are no longer two free agents but they are a new living unit. I will say a great deal more about that down the road.  Suffice it to say that I have come to believe that a right understanding of the creation of man as recorded in Genesis 1-2 will shed a great deal of light on the rest of Scripture and what happens when one is reconciled to God and restored to his original state. The marriage sanctified by God becomes a reflection of God’s love.

Keep in mind Scripture states emphatically that God is love (the converse of that is not the case, i.e., love is not God). Scripture abounds in expressions of God’s love for his creation. Additionally God has a particular focus on loving Man. We are, if I Corinthians 13 is correct and it is, to both experience, reflect and demonstrate God’s work in our lives as He purposes. And that is where I want to pick up on the love that Susan and I shared.

David and Susan
December 23, 1966

Loving Susan came so easy to me. As time passed I realized fairly early in our marriage that the love we shared was exceptional. Over time that love grew deeper, stronger and more abiding.  I know as Dean Martin used to sing, “Everybody loves somebody sometime.” That may well be true for everybody else . . . . truth is I don’t know that everybody loves somebody sometime. I rather think you either love or you don’t love.  Real love, like God always finds away.

What I do know is that the love Susan and I shared was “deeper than the ocean and wider than the sea.” We had reached the place where we completed one another’s thoughts. We still felt that little tingle when we held hands and I so miss the way she would say, “I love you” with an ever so gentle squeeze of my hand. 

I’ve thought a lot about the love Susan and I shared over the years and how it developed and matured . . . . how it moved from the earthy to the heavenly. I am not sure the kind of love we shared with the depth of commitment it engendered is humanly possible. It is something that God does in us.  I have come to believe that God works in a handful of human relationships to demonstrate what His love looks like. 

I remember in response to a young man who asked what the secret to a long marriage was I said to him that , “for marriage to be what God intended it to be it has to be a threesome . . . . namely a man, a woman, and Jesus Christ.” I rather suspect that what Michael W. Smith wrote in his song “Friends” is true of marriage. “Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them . . .  And a lifetime is not to long to live as friends.” Keep in mind that there was no life in man or woman until God’s breathe was breathed into them It is the Spirit that gives life and it 

Susan & David
in 52nd. year of a 54-1/2 year marriage

Don’t misunderstand, the love of which I speak is a reflection of His love . . . . . something akin to a display of the “Love of God dwell in you richly” to the point that it is viewable. God did not allow us to develop this kind of love for our own betterment, though it certainly worked out that way. I believe His purpose for our experience went beyond our redemption to a demonstration of how love is to work between a husband and wife and to reflect how the love of God works in ones' life.

However, for us our experience with God’s love in our shared life is the kind of love we have.  I say "have" because this kind of love never ends. It is akin to eternal life. The body dies but we live on.

What I do know is that I, for one, now understand better the meaning of Ephesians 3:18-19. . . . . I believe I have a better experiential grasp of “how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge.” Such love opens the door to so much richer an experience with the love of God and a fuller “measure of all the fullness of God.”

I have mentioned how as Susan and I looked back over our lives we came to see everything that happened from the day we were born until this present hour was choreographed by the hand of God. That process seemed to give positive meaning to both the good times and the not so good times. Perhaps that explains in part why Jeremiah 29:11 was her favorite verse . . . . .  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

So here is my “take away.” No one can have the kind of love that Susan and I shared except that love be born of the love of God. That does not mean that life is all giggles and smiles. In fact it may very well be just the opposite. It is a life filled with the experiences of both pleasure and pain; of gain and of loss; of want and of plenty; and just the every day verities of life. However, in all of that is a demonstration of the truth that Love never fails. 

I am grateful that God has allowed us to walk the journey with Him that has been ours. And, here is the best part . . . the journey continues as my dear Susan walks the streets of gold with our Lord Jesus and I walk the streets here below with our Jesus and I look forward to joining them on that walk there in Paradise. Truly one in the Spirit and one in the Lord.  

Let me make clear, what Susan and I share is a pattern for what others can have it is not a replication of what we have. Your experience with the love of God and how it finds expression in  your life as a couple (really a new living unit) will be colored by the specific purpose God has for your life but also how He determines to bring that purpose to completion in you. It will be uniquely yours. Remember, He has the right, the will and the power to use us as He chooses. Be grateful he does so within the context of Jeremiah 29:11. 

But regardless of the day-to-day details we all begin at the same place . . . .the foot of the cross. That’s where the real journey begins for all of us.

You say that sounds terribly exclusive and I tell you, “Indeed it is.” It is exclusive to God’s children . . . . namely those of us who by faith have accepted Jesus Christ as Lord.  You see this is the essential experience required to have such a relationship as Susan and I shared. It was a gift of God’s love to us and not us only but “unto all them also that love his appearing.”

When did I realize what God had been doing for the last 75 years of my life . . . like just about everything else in life not until it was taken.  I specifically learned two things:

First, until Susan left for Heaven I did not fully comprehend the height, depth and width of our shared love and how significant it was to who I am and who Susan and I together are.

Second, I learned something about the height, depth and width of God’s love expressed Calvary. God the Father and God the Son experienced something that day that they had never experienced . . . the pain of separation. I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus . . . . the one who died for me.