Lord, I just want to say, "Thank You!"

I am Thankful today for friends and family both here and in eternity. And I can honestly say I am looking forward to that great reunion day. 

I was reflecting just yesterday on all the people who have touched my life in both big and small ways and how their coming into my life has blessed my life. Each one of you, many who may not remember where or when we met or maybe whether or not we have met, have touched my life in some way and now you are forever a part of the tapestry of who I have become. Thank you!

I am thankful that God loved me and that He loved me enough to give His son for me. I am thankful that He called me to salvation and then placed in my heart not only the call to preach but the desire to preach the unsearchable riches of God's love and grace in Christ Jesus.  

I am thankful that God put a young woman in my life who was the perfect pastor’s wife. We were not the same in so many ways. But we both Loved the Lord. When our hands touched and our lips met as teenagers, I only thought I had won her heart and she only thought she had captured mine. As time passed, we came to see that the reason we had the lifetime love affair with each other is because God was our matchmaker. We didn’t choose each other . . . no indeed. God gave us to each other as a part of His purposes.. 

This year I want to add to my “Thank you.” I say, "Thank You, Lord" for allowing Susan and I to have a life together here in this world that spanned more than 60 years . . . . 54-1/2 of those as husband and wife.  I cannot remember a time in our life together that the Lord did not supply our needs - both great and small. By His grace we achieved what so few couples obtain . . . we literally became one flesh in the fullest sense of that terminology. Somewhere along the journey we ceased to be two travelers on the same road and became a single traveler that embodied the two of us. 

Thanksgiving 2021 was the hardest of my life. Susan and I as we became one flesh ceased to experience the same things separately. Somewhere along the way we began to share them singularly. Now I face life without a part of who I am. It is not a matter of discovering the new me . . . the one without Susan because that person does not exist. I still experience life as if she were present . . . . and, in some way she is and always will be. 

Our relationship never was superficial but over a lifetime our union became stronger and deeper spiritually. Somewhere along life's journey she got into my heart and into my soul and I did the same with her. This is why when someone asked me about her passing, I responded with, “It feels like someone has ripped out a large part of my soul.”  And that my friend is something only God can do. Our spiritual DNA is the same. 

As mentioned above, this is the first Thanksgiving in over 60 years when we did not celebrate the blessings of God together and I must tell you it seems so strange and wrongheaded to me right now. But I know God did not make a mistake when he brought us together as a couple back in the 1960's and He did not make a mistake when he led us into becoming one flesh and while I don’t understand all that He is doing right now He did not make a mistake when He called Susan home. 

Let me be clear . . . . Susan and my life together are a reflection of what God is doing in bring redemption to mankind. I now know something of how Jesus felt when at about the ninth hour He cried out with a loud voice, saying, 'Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?' that is, 'My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?' The separation I felt at Susan’s home-going is reflective of the separation Jesus felt that day. To be sure, what I have experienced is not the same as to the reason for the separation or the degree and depth that it was felt but it gives me a deeper understanding and a greater appreciation for what He endured for me. 

Now for some speculative thanksgiving. I have every reason to believe that just as the separation of Jesus from the Father because Jesus became sin was but for a short time so the separation that death (the first cousin of sin) brought to Susan and myself will also be short lived. I fully expect to join her in Paradise either through passing through my own death experience or when I experience the transformation from the physical to the spiritual realm when Jesus returns for His own.

Now here is something glorious about that One Flesh thing I mentioned earlier . . . all that death is capable of doing is separating the body from the spirit and soul. We often speak of Christ in us as the hope of glory and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Hence, we are connected to God the Father through Jesus His son and the Holy Spirit (Spirit of God) who abides within us (in our soul and spirit). 

Well, something similar, though not the same, takes place in the becoming one flesh process. Without spelling out all the theology of “One Flesh” suffice it to say it involves all aspects of our person . . . . body soul and spirit. There is a song that has the lines . . . “I said I'm wrapped up, tied up, tangled up in Jesus, He's all I need.”  

Becoming one flesh is being wrapped up, tied up, tangled up body and spirit with each other. It is two people, a man and a woman, becoming something new, something that did not exist before, in both time and kind. It is something that God enables and something that cannot be undone. It is becoming one as Jesus and the Father are one. Small wonder that Paul would use this oneness of marriage to help us understand the nature of the church and the church's relationship to Jesus. 

I cannot reach out and touch her and I cannot sit and hold her hand because she has at God’s bidding laid down the body that constrained her. When she laid that body aside, she flew away to Jesus and Paradise where she now awaits the day I take my flight and join her in paradise. But in the meanwhile, our love goes on . . . love never fails . . . love never ends.

So, Lord, I just want to say, "Thank You!" Thank You for being so good to me . . . Thank you for letting Susan love me and I her. Because you did, I better understand your love for us . . . . for me.

“The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away.”

Let me give you some context for what I want to say . . . . I have mentioned before that the very first Bible verse I remember hearing came from the lips of my paternal grandfather. By all accounts and with what little experience I had with him he was a Godly man. It was not one of the verses that so many learn at an early age but a line spoken by Job. It is found in chapter one verse 21 where Job says, “The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away.” I learned it as an object lesson from this saint of God. 

Staying at his home and sitting at his table  enjoying all the grandfather attention I decided I didn’t want what was on my plate but rather wanted dessert first. After a few minutes of my headstrong bad behavior he reached over . . . . took my plate and said, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord . . . son you are now dismissed from the table.”

Secondly, this verse took on major significance when my wife of almost 55 years and with whom I had literally become “one flesh” in its full meaning passed from a side affect of her chemotherapy treatments for pancreatic cancer. This all happened in the midst of the infamous Covid-19 pandemic. I will go to my grave with the words of one oncologist in Houston ringing in my ears. Long story short, he said to me, “Based calling your wife’s medical history for the last two-and-a-half years she reported serious symptoms early enough for me to believe had she receive treatment then we would have had a very different conclusion. Your wife did not die with Covid-19 but she did die because of Covid-19.”

What he was telling me was that the most precious gift God had given me was taken because the healthcare system and the government failed. The pressure and restraints placed they upon doctors during the Covid-19 pandemic caused them to refuse referrals and new patients. As a result, my dear wife was unable to receive diagnosis and treatment until her cancer had metastasized. Unfortunately, metastasized pancreatic cancer is incurable. I watched has the most precious gift God has given me withered and died. 

It was when what I learned from my grandfather collided with what I experienced with the passing of my wife that I finally came to grips with Job’s dilemma. 

Unwittingly I was introduced by my grandfather to the Doctrine of the Sovereignty of God. I did not fully comprehend the full meaning of what he was teaching me that day. I have come back to that verse too many times because I had lost something.  However, as the years passed, little by little, I began to see there was more to this verse than just losing something. However, when my wife passed it put me on a collision course with the Sovereignty of God.

These two experiences form the context for what I want to say.

Somewhere in that journey I realized that with regard to this verse (Job 1:21b) I was always focusing on the negative. You know, “The Lord . . . and taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. 

I suppose that which does not give us good feelings will inevitably be where your focus falls. We had something that pleased us, that helped us, that encouraged us and in my case in many ways was a part of us that was taken from us. I could spend time talking about the many examples of gain and loss in a material way but rarely are we so dependent upon anything material that if taken away could not be repaired or replaced. The would be illustrative but hardly sufficient when that which is taken away cannot be repaired or replaced.

But, what about when that which is more precious to you than your own life is taken? What then? 

Let’s back up and start at the beginning. No not the beginning of time but our beginning in time. I’ll say more about the beginning of mankind at a later date.  

In that verse my grandfather taught me that day there was a part of the verse he did not mention. The first part of Job 1:21, the part he omitted, states, “Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither.” This part of the verse is vital is essential to understanding not only this verse but the whole of the Book of Job. 

Job begins the story of his horrible time of consecutive and continuous loss be reminding the reader that we started out without anything and in the end, we will take nothing with us when we die. Implied in this is that not only did we come into the world with nothing but that everything we obtain we received by the grace of God and will be surrendered at death.

By the way, the idiom “Have the patience of Job” is a miss read of the Book of Job. I cannot relate to that Job. Truth is, Job was not a patient man and he was a man who did not mind confronting God and telling God how he really felt. Job said, “Blessed be the Name of the Lord” in spite of the fact he didn’t approve of anything God had done to his family and didn’t think God could show just cause for what He had done.” That Job is the Job with whom I can relate.

I did not and I do not like what God has done by taking my sweet Susan and a part of my own soul from me. However, I do know and confess that God is Sovereign . . . . He is Lord of all (owns everything) and therefore is can do whatever He chooses for whatever reasons He wants and still be righteous. He is Lord of all!

Susan and I believed with all our being that God had brought us together as a part of His plan in the Earth. He had chosen and prepared us for each other. As time passed, he created circumstances so that we would not only be husband and wife but we would achieve by His grace becoming One Flesh . . . a single independent living unit composed of a male and a female component . . . . we were no longer a two but one in every sense. As Susan and I journey through life somewhere along the way we got so mixed up together that I sense that she had not only got into my heart but also my soul. I had “found the one whom my soul loves” (Song of Solomon 3:4).  

She was a part of that “The Lord giveth . . .”  Know and experiencing her as a love gift from God has brought great joy to me heart and now that she is gone it brings great sorrow. Not sorrow that God has brought her into His presence but that she is no longer physically in my presence. 

So how do we respond to what the Sovereign God does when we don’t understand why or like what he is doing.  Let's look at that for a moment. I can tell you what I did and didn’t do.

1. First I didn’t do anything. I was just numb. The whole experience was not real and for days I walked around think that any minute Susan would walk through the door and this nightmare would be over. 

'2. Second, I do not recall ever accusing God of capriciousness or arbitrary in taking my Susan from me do I believe it was to punish me for my sin. But even if you do feel that way it is not wrong. I think God is big enough and loving enough to understand that the neurons in your brain have your emotions and thinking stirred-up like scrambled eggs. 

Let me be clear on this . . . . this does not mean that trouble and significant losses in our lives is a sign of God’s punishment for some kind of sin. Is it possible?  Yes.  Is it probable? No. Is it with purpose? Always

I know Him to be sovereign but I also know Him to be righteous.  However, I did want answers. 

• I wanted to know the reason why He decided this was the time for her to come home to Him? 
• I wanted to know what He was doing through her home-going and why. 
• I wanted to know why she had to suffer and fight as she did. 
• I want to know why He didn’t do it in a way that didn’t hurt so much. 
• I wanted to know, “What am I supposed to do now.”  

In short, I needed something to give meaning to what appeared to me to be a senseless series of events and as time passes, He step by step brings me to resolution if not full understanding. I never believed I was forsaken of God but there were moments when I did not fell His presence. However, though I did not feel His presence I knew He was there. How you ask did I know that. Because I know God is faithful and His word is true and He promised me that He would not leave me or forsake me . . . . He was there all the time. Like Job, even though I still did not fully understand or appreciate God’s authority or presence at the time I never doubted it.

Job knew something with which I needed to come to grips. Job knew that it is God who gives us everything, and He can take everything away at a time and place of His choosing. Nothing that happens does so outside of His control and at the very least His permissive will. Unfortunately, we are quick to recognize and bless His holy name when things are going well and not so quick when they do not.

I remember, a couple of weeks after Susan passed, I felt the urge to pray and thank God for the gift of her love; for allowing us to become so close that her passing caused me then and now such great pain; that He gave us the time and the guidance to become “one flesh;” and one day will once again place her hand in mine.

In Romans 11:29 Paul reminds us that “God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.” That makes Susan’s transition from this temporal world to Paradise (the place where Jesus is) so much more bearable even if still painful. It reminds me that Susan has not left me. She has not left me in the sense that her investment in my life is still with me. More importantly she has not left me but merely in another place awaiting me. In short, she is not dead nor doth she sleep!

I sometime think of it this way: She is in Paradise walking hand-in-hand with Jesus; I am here on Earth walking hand-in-hand with Jesus; Since we are both walking hand-in-hand with the Lord we are still walking together. 

It enables me to say with Job, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him” (Job 13:15).  I will trust in Him!

The key for me is understanding and accepting that God’s ways are so much higher than our own and though we are created in His image and with the capacity to have fellowship with Him we can never fathom the mind of God or fully understand His eternal purposes. I am finally at the place where I can say, because of it I can say not because events require it but because my heart and mind desire it, “Lord, I still don’t understand it and I am still hurting but I accept you will.”  

I have come to understand that God lso gives when He takes away.

When we can once again say with both heart, mind and soul . . . . “Bless the LORD, O my soul: And all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; Who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; Who crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; So that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's” (Psalm 103:1-5 KJV) . . . . we will be well on our way towards our new normal.  

Our Wedding Gift From God

December 23, 1966 - When I said "I do"

I married Susan on December 23, 1966. As I looked into her eyes that day and she placed that wedding band on the third finger of my left hand I knew I was the most blessed man on the Earth.  Looking into her eyes I saw into her soul and I knew without a doubt she loved me with all of her heart and soul. I knew that night that no mater what life brought our way she would still love me.

As I saw her standing in that white wedding gown the symbolism of “white” was not lost on her or to me. As the ceremony came to an end and the minister said, “You may now kiss your bride” (Just so you know, he could not have stopped me). As our lips met I experienced not just the physical touch but something wonderful passed between us . . . . I felt as though I had just been touched in my soul/spirit by the love of this wonderful woman. Oh, to be sure we had kissed before . . . plenty of times. There were the “pecks” of affection and the long lingering kisses filled with the passion of young love but . . . . this was different. On Friday night December 23, 1966 with that kiss something stirred within me that night that has never left. I knew I had found the one in whom my soul delights. That has not changed to this day.

It was then that I realized that while I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen let alone met that was not enough for me to marry. It was with that kiss that I began to realize that our love was not born of passion nor of anything else that normally draws a man and woman together. Our love for each other was placed within us by the very hand of God. God joined us as one and my God does not make any mistakes. He acts with purpose and because He does we always believed His love and purposes were a part of the mix. 

I’m sure up until that time in her mind she thought she had wooed and won my heart and  I am sure I thought the same. But with that one kiss that theory was proven wrong. Tt was the growing awareness that the love we had for each other was God’s wedding gift to us. As time went by I discovered that Susan’s love was a reflection of God’s love. Somehow through her life experience she had developed into a young Proverbs 31:30 “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”

As the years passed she became more and more into that woman. I remember when delivering her Memorial sermon at her funeral saying. . . . “Susan is not an example of the Proverbs 31woman . . . . she IS that woman.”  I am not trying to say she was without flaw . . . I am saying she is the perfect woman for me. In many ways we were opposites but at the same time we were more than compatible . . . I like to say we were complementary. Only God could match up to people as appropriately as he did us. Our togetherness was a part of His eternal plan.

David and Susan - 2018

She would tell me things like, “You are my rock” and I would say in return, “You are my soft place.” Fast forward fifty-four years and we are sitting at a table saying the same thing. But now, we were marveling at how God had taken two independent young kids (we were 19 when we married) and in 54 years turned us into a single unit. We knew we were facing our final curtain and that not many months were left to us but we were concluding the matter with, “but through it all God had given us a good life and it was made so much better because we did it together.”  Not our way but as best we understood . . . . God’s way.

Susan was my Proverbs 31 woman but she was also a woman. She cared about how she looked . . . . as the years passed she bemoaned the evidence of aging and the changes that made in her appearance. This became even more pronounced as her pancreatic cancer and the chemotherapy ravaged her body. I cried the day she looked at me after seeing herself in the mirror tuned with tears in her eyes said, “I look like a holocaust victim.” 

It as at that point I took her by they hand looked into her eyes, as we often did, and said, “Susan, I don’t love you because of how you look . . . I love you because of who you are.” Then I turned to a picture on our wall from our wedding and said as I pointed at her in that picture and said, “This is the woman I see.” 

Now understand, I am not blind or stupid . . . . I saw what was happening to her physically and I hurt for her. But, I didn’t love her for her beauty. To be sure, in my eyes, she was a most attractive woman and I was always proud to have her by my side at events.  What I fell in love with was her . . . the nice body just a bonus that came with her as a part of the complete package.

The Beauty will fade with time, but heart and soul will always be the same . . . the body will die but the love will never die. Oh, I miss her presence . . . .unless you have been there you cannot understand how much. Our love was deeper than the ocean and higher than the stars. But, changing the pronouns, I prefer the words of Randy Travis who wrote:

Our love is deeper than the holler.

Stronger than the river.

Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill.

Our love is purer than the snowflakes,

That fall in late December.

And honest as a Robin on a springtime window sill.

And longer than the song of a whippoorwill.

Six months after her passing I am finally getting to place where I can say to the world with conviction the very first Bible verse I remember hearing as a child . . . . “The Lord gives and he Lord takes away, Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21).

Now you cannot have what we had but if you want it you can have your own version of the gift of God’s love. But you must experience the love of God before you can reflect His love. You can experience the love of God in the person of God’s son, Jesus the Christ. Check it out . . . .it is in the Bible.