"The Lord expects You to Take Care of Your Bride . . . He Will Take Care of His.”

Hello young lovers whoever you are, I hope your troubles are few

All my good wishes go with you tonight I've been in love like you. 

Let me share something that we started when we were very young lovers and continued for more than 55 years.  It worked well for us and it or something like it might work equally well for you.

Susan and I made it a practice like everyone else of visiting the local Whataburger or Casa Ole for a meal. Nothing really special in the way of an event but a great way to spend a little time together in the middle of a busy life. Please don’t discount the value these kinds of events can be in enriching your relationship.

However, a couple of times a year Susan and I would have dinner at a nice restaurant with a piano bar. This would usually be on her birthday or our anniversary. It was my way of saying how grateful I was that she was born and that she was my bride. These were “dress up dates” where we dressed to say to one another you’re special and the ordinary is not sufficient to say just how special. 

It was a kind of putting on our Sunday best for each other and having dinner with an intimate crowd of strangers. I would, when making the reservation, make sure and tell the person taking our reservation to make a note that it was a special occasion for a very special lady and then detail what I was hoping to have in the way of a table, it’s location and other details. I never had an issue. In fact, more often than not the reply I’d get was along the line, “Thank you Mr. Appleby and don’t worry about anything our staff will do everything they can to make your dinner a memorable occasion. Most good “upscale” restaurants will do that. I remember especially one dinner where the restaurant pulled out all the stops and went far and above my expectations and causing Susan to say as we drove home, “Be sure and send them a thank you note tomorrow.” I said I would gladly do so but “be sure and remind me but why? She replied, “Because they made me feel like royalty.” 

However, that being said, it was not uncommon for us on Sundays that wherever we had lunch we sought out a table for just two in a quiet spot. I have mentioned before that at our favorite Italian restaurant in Beaumont, Frankie's, we virtually always had the same table for two by the window and at Susan’s favorite Mexican restaurant it was the same quiet corner table in the bar area. Even when on a cruise with friends we'd slip away at some point and just the two of us would have a nice lunch together. All of this was in an attempt to let Susan know that there was no one else I'd rather be with than her

To be sure we had dinner with friends and family which were always times that we cherished. We knew a lot of people who we considered friends, but our circle of close friends was rather small, and we relished time with them over a meal. 

Now having said all that, I still feel the table for two in a nice romantic setting with the sound of quiet music from the piano bar was merely window dressing for some of the best times we spent together. However, I must say that the surroundings and the meal were but window dressing . . . it was the quiet, relaxed time together that mattered and made the difference.

The truth is, we all have to eat and for the most part that is a pretty perfunctory and routine activity. All of the dressing up, upscale dining, elegant surroundings and ambiance were just material ways of saying to Susan, “You are the most important person in my life, and I want to experience the best that I can offer.” Would she have been happy without it? I’m sure she would. But that isn’t the question is it. The question was, “How I would feel if I didn’t give it to her?”

The truth is that what I have described is but one of a myriad of ways we learned to say, “I love you” and “I value you.” I agree with Solomon who said, “She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” (Proverbs 3:15) Many years ago when I was not much more than a newlywed an old retired preacher known simply as Brother Black said to me, “Son I know you’re a young preacher but there is something you need to know about your responsibly to God and that is, your number one priority in ministry is not the church you serve . . . . It is to take care of your bride. "The Lord expects you to take care of your bride, and he will take care of His.” 

Love her with all of your heart as she has loved you. Don’t give her your love in bits and pieces or for a moment or an hour. Love her as you loved her from the start . . . love her with every beat of your heart. Find ways to show it . . . don’t let it be a secret love . . . tell her through how you relate to her in public and in private how much you love her. 

I knew back on December 23, 1966, when Rev. Estol Williams looked me in the eye and said, “Will you have Susan to be your lawful wedded wife” and I responded, “I do” that I was also being charged by God to love her as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. (See Ephesians 5:25). Under God she was to be my one and only true love and I was to make she knew it.

My Mother: The Strongest and Bravest Woman I have Ever Known

I have posted this before but because tomorrow is Mother's Day I want to share it with you one more time. My mother's life is a wonderful story of triumph and tragedy and what I write here barely touches the hem of the garment of her life. I am proud to call her by the name I knew her best "Momma."

Ron Asbury: Another Giant in My Life Has Gone Home

Golf Tournament - Gulf Shores, AL

Another friend who has played a significant part in the weavings of the tapestry of my life has entered into his rest. My colleague, one of my favorite golf partners, my friend and brother in Christ went to be with the Lord. I know that our ages it was unlikely that either of us would see the other again in this life but we both knew there will come a time when we shall be reunited in God’s Paradise. 

I first met Ron Asbury when in 1982 I became the pastor of the Woodland Baptist Church in Beaumont, Texas. Ron had already been at the church as Minister of Music for about a year or so and was well into developing a powerful music ministry. Over the years Ron and I played a lot of golf together. In fact for one two-year period, we played just about every Friday afternoon having a standing tee time at the Bayou Din Golf Club. Not to mention being partners in annual church tournaments. We played every course in Beaumont and a few in Houston. 

Ron always seemed to have a few cigars with him when we played golf. I didn’t smoke and we always shared a cart. He’d frequently light one up and offer me one knowing I didn’t smoke saying to me, “You know smoking won’t send you to hell.” Then one day I responded with, “No, smoking a cigar will not send anyone to hell . . . it will just make them smell like they’ve been there.”  He almost wrecked the cart laughing.

But as well as we were teamed for golf, we were a better team in ministry. I don’t recall either of us stepping on the other. Through motivation and manipulation, yes, I said manipulation, Ron was building a music program that was second to none other in our city. I remember he and I talking about motivation and manipulation and he said, “Manipulating people is not a bad thing as long as what you manipulate people into doing is what they both can and should do.”  Not sure I ever agreed with that, but it seemed to work for him. 

Woodland Baptist Church - Ron at Pulpit

Ron was a remarkable if not unconventional motivator. He would do whatever it took to get the best out of the people with whom he worked. He’d stomp his feet, pull faces and even poke out his tongue to get what he wanted from his choirs. He encouraged individuals to develop their talent and to minister to the church with them. He always seemed to find a way to encourage folks and to get them to believe in themselves and what they could do even when they were uncertain and afraid.

Locally he would be known as the man who brought a high school/college choir called Shining Light to life. He was duplicating in our church what he had already done with a group called Joyful Sound at North Knoxville Baptist Church in Knoxville, Tennessee. I know when he was on staff with me at Woodland Baptist Church he literally through our music ministry put our church on the map in our city. The nearly ten years we were together were some of the most productive and happiest of my ministry.

Ron and I would sit down once a year and talk about where I wanted the church to go in the coming year and he would shape his program to support that. I don’t remember ever having a ministry conflict. We pretty much saw what we did in our focus areas as part and parcel of the same thing . . . building the local church and extending the kingdom.

When Ron moved to Houston I thought, as did he, that our shared ministry was probably over. Little did either one of us know that just a few short years later I would be at the Fairmont Central Baptist Church in Pasadena and needing a Minister of Music. All told, Ron and I shared ministry for about 15 years. Thank you, Rhonda, for letting me know he was available.

Shining Light - On the Road Again

During those 15 years we played a lot of golf, shared a lot of dinners, and saw God do some wonderful things. I have said it before, and I’ll repeat it here . . . If I could have had one Minister of Music throughout my ministry, and I have had some really good ones, that man would have been Ron Asbury. 

No man was ever a more committed defender and champion of his family than was Ron. When it came to Carolyn and the girls his love and loyalty knew no limits. I feel for the poor soul that ever hurt one of them regardless of the reason. I’ll not elaborate here, but I learned of his commitment and loyalty to them through experience not hearsay. 

The one thing I regret is that I don’t recall ever buying his lunch . . . I tried a time or two, but he outfoxed me even when I had arranged in advance with the restaurant to pay. I sometime wanted to laugh as Ron, Tim Edgar and Craig Heiman argued over who was going to pick up the check. Apparently, there is an art to that. 

I could go on and on recalling experiences and shared times. There is never a stopping place when we recall our shared journeys. What I really want to say is that Ron Asbury was and authentic Christian man . . . . not perfect but authentic. He was a good man and all that is included in that term. Ron Asbury was a generous colleague who understood collegiality, a loyal friend, devoted family man but most of all a brother in Christ. His legacy will live on through his children and his grandchildren. 

My brother, I hate to see you go . . . . a lifetime's not too long to live as friends but thank the Lord that friends are friends forever when the Lord is the Lord of them. Thank you, Lord, for making Ron a part of my life.

Reflecting on a Theme

 I learned today that when we started classes at Pasadena Senior High School in 1963 (You’ll remember that the 9th grade was at the Junior High Campuses) our class was 748 strong. By the time we graduated in May 1965 we were a mere 455. Our class had shrunk by 203 students. To be sure students would come and go during the ensuing years from 1963 to 1965 and even a few would die but the start and finish numbers are what they are with the bulk of the loss of classmates was due to the opening of a new school, SRHS, and the transfer of some 200 or so students. 

As the years have raced by I have come to recognize there is something unique and special about the PHS Class of 1965. It might be partly the result of how the class evolved. As pointed out above we started out with 748 students coming from several Junior High Schools. The between the 1963-64 school year and the 1864-65 year some 203 members of our class (as did a similar number from SoHo and my steady girl was one of them) transferred to a new high school (SRHS).

As a result of this movement of bodies (students) people thought students would form a new allegiance and connection at the new school. Bad thinking, I’d say. Old friendships die harder than new ones are easily formed. For more common-sense reasons than I care to go into the folks who officially transferred out of our class and attended a different school never broke their emotional and relational ties with the PHS Class of 1965 nor did we who remained at PHS with them. In my mind it has something to do with being bound together at a deeper level than just academics. Something that perhaps we should give credit for to our “spirit leaders” (Cheerleaders - it is explained later).

Again, my steady girl, Susan Warren, was one of those affected by those transfers . . .albeit she transferred from SoHo to SRHS but attended Southmore Junior High. Gets confusing doesn't it. She would tell me years later as we attended my PHS reunions, “I think I know more people here than you.” She may well have been right. At any rate she felt right at home at my reunions and never attended a SRHS reunion. Susan actually talked me into attending my very first reunion. She recognized then that strange connection we as a Class have.

For a long time, I thought it was only me until at one of our last reunions, 45th I think I mentioned it in a conversation on the balcony outside our hospitality room with Patrice Schexnayder, Sarah (Ruth) Walker-Palmer and my late wife Susan. (Wow, it just occurred to me that I am the last person in that group still living.) We all expressed similar feelings but couldn’t pinpoint any one thing that would account for it.

Patrice Schexnayder, a fellow PHS Class of 1965 graduate used to talk about what we perceived as the uniqueness of our class and what made it unique. We both felt that there were a lot of reasons but probably the overarching reason was the homogeneous nature of our class regarding our families and community. I often thought regarding our class the chant “we are family” was more than a chant. Susan once told me that our class reunions had more of a family reunion feel than a class. I think in the ways that really matter the Class of 1965 is more a family than a high school graduating class. 

Over the years, as I have spoken with classmates, seen your photos, heard your stories and discovered what you value and believe, I have concluded that we all experienced life pretty much the same way. I’ve learned that your home was not that different from mine. Same pictures on our walls, same style of furniture, mom’s making our clothes (they probably knew each other from Hancock’s).  Class structure was largely artificial. Patrice would say, “It’s because we were a homogeneous group” and I would reply, “Yep, we were kind of like a family.” 

At any rate somewhere along the way we developed a bond that was broader than academic and deeper that social. I can still hear Paula Maddox and John Crocker and the rest of the football cheerleaders admonish us at Pep Rallies in the boy's gym with cheers such as “I’ve got spirit how about you.” Sometimes it was even a “spirit” competition between classes. BTW - We did have the prettiest girl cheerleaders, and the guy were . . . ok.

Well, we did have a spirit, and I don’t mean the exuberance of a pep rally. By the time 1965 rolled around we had quietly and unknowing developed what I refer to as the PHS Class of 1965 Spirit. Something happened from the day when 748 new students individually stepped onto the campus of the Pasadena High School that resulted in 455 students walking off of a platform at the Old High School Football stadium with a spiritual bond that would last a lifetime.

Oh, to be sure that day in May of 1965 was the day we went out to assume a roll in a greater society but for a high percentage of us the threads we wove together have proven to be resilient and strong. These connections were so tightly woven that even time and distance could not break them. So, I have concluded that what makes the PHS Class of 1965 remarkable is a spiritual connection . . . . like family . . . . it is where I belong . . . . it is my home. PHS is the place where it was nurtured but it is the Class of 1965 to which I belong. The place is the peg, but it was my peers that made it a special group with great value for my life. 

Well, I still can’t define it but I thank God for it. For all of us the journey was not long but for others of us it has been long and a handful of us are still sharing the journey . . . Thank you PHS Class of 1965 for being uniquely you because in doing so you helped make us who we are.

IF YOUR A MEMBER OF THE PHS CLASS OF 1965 (or have any of the other relationships with the PHS class of 965 mentioned above) FEEL FREE TO ADD YOUR COMMENTS AND SHARE ANY MEMORIES IN THE COMMENTS. 

We do like to hear from old friends.

A Giant of the Faith has Ascended on High.

This week the earthly church lost a dear friend and the saints in heaven gained a great soldier of the cross. Earlier this week my friend and my mentor Darrell Robinson went to be with the Jesus who he faithfully shared to all who would listen. I have been privileged to know many of the giants in Baptist life over my 77 years and Darrell in my judgement was the cream of the crop.

I am certain that multitudes have their own stories to tell about this faithful servant of the Lord and I wish they could. I want to share something of my journey with him. Words are not sufficient, but they are all I have. 

Darrell was a good preacher or as my late friend Lester Collins would say of himself, he was adequate. Darrell was a good and loving pastor and again as my friend would say of himself, he was adequate. Darrell was a capable theologian but as my friend would say of himself, he was adequate. I think Darrell would agree with this assessment. None of these things in my mind set Darrell apart from many of our colleagues. 

I remember he and I were having lunch at the old Tatar campus of the First Baptist Church in Pasadena; Texas and we were talking about a mutual friend of ours, Estol Williams, who was pastor of the Boulevard Baptist Church and my pastor. Darrell said, “You know Brother Estol and I went to seminary together.” I replied that I had understood that they had. He then replied, “I would never have graduated from seminary if it hadn’t been for Estol. I struggled with Greek and were it not for his tutoring me in Greek I’d have never passed that course.”  Darrell could never be accused of thinking more highly of himself that he should. 

No, Darrell’s most notable characteristic was that he loved people and he desired that all of them that came into the realm in which he resided come to know Jesus as Savior and Lord. I think that love for people is the engine behind another trait that marked his character . . . he never seemed to need to search for someone’s name. If he was ever introduced to you, he never forgot you and would greet you by name.

I recall when I was in seminary, we had returned to Pasadena to visit family and decided to attend First Baptist Church on Wednesday evening. It was their business meeting and I remember slipping in and sitting with my aunt (a member there). Darrell welcomed three new people into the church by Baptism, brought a really short message. Right in the middle of that message he looked up, saw us sitting there and stopped his message to welcome me, my wife, my two children by name and ask about our dog by name. He never met the dog that I know of and we had only seen him once or twice since meeting him at 15 years old. That told me he had been following our ministry from that first meeting. He truly cared.

But where most of us were just adequate the one area where Darrell exceeded all of us was in sharing Jesus and leading folks to faith in Christ Jesus. Darrell had a heart for the lost. I never met another Christian who lived to lead people to Christ like Darrell. I remember him telling me once about his constantly having the church community surveys and mass mailings. Darrell said, I want something in every home in the area to have something with our church’s name and contact information on it. Every family in this town is going to have at least one major crisis and I want the first thing that they reach for to be that card correspondence with our church’s contact information on it. 

Darrell was a winner of souls. He also was a promoter of God’s preachers. I recall back in 1983 that I had just become the Pastor of the Woodland Baptist Church in Beaumont, Texas. I did not know another preacher in the area, and they had all known each other a long time. I also did not know that Darrell was on te program. At any rate it was the night we pastors had been asked to get as many deacons as possible to attend the evangelism conference being held at the Calvary Baptist Church. I managed to have all my leading deacons present. Seemed like no matter how hard Susan and I tried we could not break into that “preacher” club. 

So Susan and I and our handful of deacons sat pretty much alone on the second pew from the front of the sanctuary. Darrell spoke and he was followed by a prayer time. During that prayer time he slipped down from the platform and came and sat next to me until the session had a break. Susan and I talked with Darrell for about ten minutes and then left to go get ready for his next session.  After the session was over and as Darrell was leaving every preacher in the place made it a point to introduce themselves to me. That wasn’t accidental. Darrell had accessed the situation and consciously made it clear that he and I were friend. Just one way he gave my ministry a boost.

I also recall an occasion in Dallas at the Texas Baptist Evangelism conference when Susan and I along with another friend of mine bumped into Darrell in the lobby outside the arena. As we stood their visiting Jimmy Draper, and another SBC official came up and interrupted us. Darrell turned to Jimmy and said, “Jimmy, I’m speaking with Brother Appleby right now, we’ll be through in a moment and then he turned back to our conversation. When we finished a moment or two later, he turned to Jimmy Draper and asked, “Jimmy, have you met Dr. Appleby and his wife Susan? I have invited them to join us for lunch.”  This was quintessential Darrell Robinson. 

I can list on my hand the people who influenced me both personally and in ministry and Darrell Robinson was one of those few men.  I have not tried to be exhaustive regarding my friend, but I have tried to show the kind of friend and person he was. I’m sure each of you reading this have your own stories and memories concerning Darrell. I invite you to share your special story of you and Darrell.  I look forward to reading your experience with Brother Darrell . . . .

Don’t Disparage of the Pain

When we love deeply and we love over many, many years and the person we have so loved is taken from us it causes us great inward pain. I suppose it is a shadow of the pain that Jesus experienced as he was separated from the Father when He "became sin" for us and died the sin death thus giving us both the hope and the means of redemption. 

Don’t disparage of the pain you feel when the love of your life dies. Believe me I do not make that statement lightly. It has been more than 25 months since the woman I love went to be with the Lord and not a day has gone by that I have not thought of her and hurt in my soul. 

For almost a year I tried to hide the depth of pain, but I found I could not and decided that I should not.  I suppose most of the people in my world and many outsides of my world know of my struggle. It has been the deepest and most sustained pain I have ever felt. The pain was so intense that it defied words. Her leaving was as if someone had ripped out a part of my own soul. It was as we used to say - "To the bone." 

When our beloved departs through death to a far country, and we are left behind with just the memories and the pain of that separation we wonder who can lift us from this pit. We may even question whether God cares or not. The hurt is so deep we find ourselves crying out with the Apostle Paul, “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” 

Given all this still I say, do not disparage of that pain. It is the evidence that one has loved and been loved deeply. If you want to avoid the suffering that comes from such separation, then the price is never experiencing the joys of loving deeply and the marvel of two becoming one. It is also evidence that you had obtained the oneness that God intended. 

The pain is the price of the love and though the price, as in my case, is great it is but a small thing compared to the love that we enjoyed. I have come to understand the meaning of Paul's affirmation in Romans 8:18 where he writes, "the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us." No matter how great the love we shared here and no matter how great the pain we are presently experiencing the love and glory we experience when we join our loved one in Heaven will outshine it all. It will truly be worth it all when we see Jesus and are reunited with our beloved.   

No matter how great the pain it is but for a season. But love is made of stronger stuff. For the Christian, love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, and is hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving deeply is always worth taking. It is a true saying that says, “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” 

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is I Corinthians 13:8-13. Paul makes it clear that everything will pass away. That is, everything will cease except Faith, Hope and Love. And, of what remains (Faith, Hope and Love) love is the greatest. But that only stands to reason since as First John 4:8 tells us, “God is love.” 

So, while the absence of the one we love is painful the promise of God’s love makes the pain bearable and “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18). So, while I still carry a great deal of sorrow in me it is not debilitating because I carry a greater expectation that when I step out of time into eternity of being greeted by not only my Lord but also the many loved ones I’ve known here below and that includes my dear Susan with whom I became one.  

The bond of love will not be broken. Just as we cannot be separated from the love of God in Christ Jesus . . . . so the love we shared is not broken. It may have to be stretched across many years but one day, someday, face to face it will be refreshed. I personally believe that there is a better than even chance that when I get to heaven not only will a see Jesus, but I'll be greeted by those who I loved and loved me. I easily imagine Jesus telling Susan to show me around the place and the joy I experience as she takes my hand and says, "come walk with me, there is so much I want you to see. You see that's what love does.

Yep, that will be a happy day indeed. Sometimes in my mind I try and imagine what that reunion will be like. What a day that will when we enter heaven and experience for the first time ever life without sorrow, sadness or pain and see our beloved once more. There is so much more to be said here but no volume of words would add to the glory of that reunion.

There will be a happy meeting in Heaven, I know.
When we see the many loved ones, we've known here below.
Gathered on that blessed hilltop with hearts all aglow
That will be a glad reunion day.

A glad day, a wonderful day,
A glad day, a glorious day
There with all the holy angels and loved ones to stay
That will be a glad reunion day.

When we live a million years in that wonderful place
Basking in the love of Jesus, beholding His face

It will seem but just a moment of praising His grace.
That will be a glad reunion day.

A glad day, a wonderful day,
A glad day, a glorious day
There with all the holy angels and loved ones to stay.
That will be a glad reunion day.

I'm Only a Phone Call Away

I frequently see this statement, or some that are similar, "When I die don't get on Facebook talking about you wish Heaven had a phone. I have two lines now and you don't call" and I agree with it. 

I know that I have searched every old phone, video and other source that I can get my hands on to capture the sound of my dear Susan's voice. Just to hear it brings joy to my heart. I'd rather her be here with me so I didn't have to rely on recordings. I'm sure my children have plenty of messages that start out, "It's just me call me when you get time." Sadly, time eventually runs out. 

For those of us who grew up in the 1950's and came of age in the 1960's this circumstance is particularly painful. We grew up in an era when the telephone was still a relatively new experience. People would talk on the phone for hours at a time even though they may have just spent half the day visiting in person.  Many of us who grew up with phones thought we'd experience pretty much the same in our old age. But alas it is not to be.

Truth is, for most older folks their phones would hardly ever ring if it weren’t for Robo-calls, Car Warranty companies, Medicare Plans, or collection companies looking for someone who shares your name. None of these are welcome.

While discussing this in a small group after church on Sunday a younger person in our group suggested that perhaps we should take the initiative and initiate the call. I thought about that for a minute and then remember how many times I heard my late wife’s voice in response to my asking, “Have you heard from the kids?” say, “I just tried calling _______ but they said they’d have to call me back.” You run into that often enough and soon you just face the fact that the people you most want to hear their voices are too busy. 

Now don’t misunderstand me. They really are busy. They, for the most part still have jobs, still have children living a home, still have circles of friends that do not include us older folks and should not. Unfortunately, we recognize that while they are legitimately busy, we are living on the short end of a life lived. We also walk in the knowledge that while we might live many more year, we might live those years without our memory and the recognition of family or friends. Hence while for them time pass slowly for us there is an urgency. 

On a related matter cards and letters are still important. I have a dresser, not dresser drawer but a dresser
that is filled with cards and notes that we received over the years and Susan kept. I’d catch her from time to time sitting on the edge of the bed looking at a handful of those cards and letters just remembering the people who sent them. There was a time when she used them as a part of her prayer list. Cards and letters matter. Cards with a short not are easy. Letters are a little more problematic because they require time, thought and some measure of penmanship. Yep, more demanding but moe powerful. Let me suggest whether you use snail mail (best) or e-mail (ok) write complete sentences and spell out the words and try to communicate feeling not just thoughts and events. Now back to the subject at hand . . . .

The other thing that is often suggested is that we find some kind of “old people” group to join and participate with regularly. I hate to say it but most of those groups are training and/or conditioning classes for nursing home residency. However, the big problem is, they are not the people with whom you wish to be or from whom you wish to hear. We feel like the ancient Hebrew in captivity who said, “By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion. We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof.” In short we were alive but we were no longer living. 

I don’t believe for a minute that we don’t get those calls and visits from friends because people don’t care. I have learned over the past three or so years that people really do care. God’s people and real friends do care. When my wife Susan left for her heavenly home the people who stayed with me the longest and some to this day going on three years down the road are friends from my growing up years. However, since many of them are women and married much telephone and certainly in person visits can be awkward. I have come to love a group of people (a bunch of individuals both men and women) that in my “growing up” years I barely knew anything about them besides their names. 

I also do not for a minute believe that kinfolk (children, grandchildren etc.) don’t make those calls and visits because they do not care. There is no question in my mind that for most of us our families do care. They fail to call or visit because they are wrapped up in the business of their own lives and families. And the truth is they are not wrong in that. After all, Scripture does say that when they marry there are to “leave their father and their mother.” 

In their minds they know they are young and there is time enough for calling. Sadly, there is not that same amount of time for answering that call. It is that dichotomy that I believe lay behind the quote with which I started this little bit of dribble . . . . "When I die don't get on Facebook talking about you wish Heaven had a phone. I have two lines now and you don't call." 

Truth is we really do want to hear from you. We want to know what’s going on in your lives; we want to know about our grandchildren and great grandchildren. But what we really want is to hear your voice. We know from he sound of your voice how things are really going regardless of te words that are spoken. We want to hear your voices for ourselves. Again, at the risk of being to personal, I recall many occasions after Susan spoke with someone saying. “They said they are fine but something in their voice tells me something isn’t quite right somehow.”

I’m not a Stevie Wonder fan but I like what he said when he sang, “I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I care, I just called to say I love you. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.”  If you are my age, you mom and dad probably are no longer with you and so we might legitimately say, "When I die don't get on Facebook talking about you wish Heaven had a phone. I have two lines now and you don't call." 

If they are living, I suggest you set you priorities as: God first, followed by your immediate family (spouse and children), then extended family followed by friends. I might add that from time to time include them in some family activity besides holidays. I remember one of te most rewarding days of my life with my mother was the day I took her to Galveston’s West Beach and pushed her in her wheelchair over the sand burn to the empty beach and saw her face as she breathed in the ocean air. I have carried that day with me for some 30 years now. 

This is for all the lonely people thinking that life has passed them by don't give up until you drink from the silver cup and ride that highway in the sky.

This is for all the single people thinking that love has left them dry don't give up until you drink from the silver cup you never know until you try.

Well, I'm on my way yes, I'm back to stay well, I'm on my way back home.

This is for all the lonely people thinking that life has passed them by don't give up until you drink from the silver cup, she'll never take you down or never give you up you'll never know until you try.

Feel free to share your thoughts and/or experiences in the comments section below. 

Facing Our Personal Rubicon

I often write on social media and other places about my life experiences. Frequently that writing focuses on lessons learned from the life experience Susan and I shared over 55 years of marriage and sixty years of knowing one another. As Scripture says, “We speak of what we know, and bear witness to what we have seen.”

We all have our Rubicon's. All of life’s experiences are important and significant to our journey in life but some are pivotal.  The first major crossing of the Rubicon in our life took place on December 23, 1966, when before God and His people Susan and I committed ourselves to each other to love, honor cherish and care for one another. We committed ourselves to face the world for the rest of our life as husband and wife. That decision changed our lives forever.  Today I want to tell you about another "crossing the Rubicon for us. 

I think that one of the best things Susan and I ever did was move to Ft. Worth in Fall of 1969. We didn’t know a soul there, I didn’t have a job, we had a 3-month-old baby and when we got there, we learned we didn't have a place to live. 

My mom thought we were making a mistake. My Dad said to her, maybe so but they have got to learn. I don’t think a single person understood why we were stepping out where there seemed to be nowhere to step. 

But there we were, pulling out of the parking lot at the Southmore Apartments . . . our home since 1966.  Our car and U-Haul truck loaded with all our worldly goods. Family and friends were there to see us off. I have often wondered about the conversations as they watched us drive out of sight. 

This was our “crossing Jordan” moment. You will recall that the waters of Jordan did not part until the sole of the priest foot touch the brim of the waters of Jordan. Everything hinged on the priest’s faith in God’s promise. Ironically, perhaps because we were young and had an unbelievable faith that what we were doing was the Lord’s will for us that we had no anxiety. 

I remember someone whispering in the crowd, “I don’t think they know the seriousness of what they are doing.” Well, we probably didn’t understand everything at the time. We just believed it was God’s will for us and while we didn’t know how it was going to work out, we believed God already had it worked out. Many are called but few are chosen but when you are one of the chosen, I can tell you God has your back. 

Why was that decision so pivotal? Well, first we had to do it together and had nowhere or anyone to run to if it didn’t work out like we believed it would. Second it strengthened our faith in God as week by week He met our needs in ways that literally astounded us. We really had no choice but to trust Him for our needs. We never asked for help but help always came when we needed it and it started our first day in Ft. Worth. Third, it was there that our mantra “Stronger Together” was born as we learned how to support and help each other. 

We were simple minded enough to just believe that “we were more than conquerors in Christ Jesus.” We thought, “if we committed to doing God’s will in our marriage then God would bless our union. If we were committed to His calling on our lives, He would enable us in that effort. Love may find a way, but God provides a way. We frequently reminded ourselves of this by looking at each other and one of us would either repeat our mantra or say, “Honey, me, you and the Lord have this.”

If you're going to learn how to fly you’ve got to get out of the nest. The momma bird knows that and when it’s time to fly she bumps her babies out of the nest. Life is filled with risk, uncertainty and danger but if you're going to fly you have to take the leap. We learned to “Delight ourselves in the Lord” and as He promised He “directed our path.”  You can be everything God created you to be if you just trust him to take what you are and mold you into what He knows you can be. 

All I can say is, and I say it from personal experience with Him, “Our God is an awesome God; He reigns from heaven above, with wisdom, power, and love; Our God is an awesome God!”  Bill & Gloria Bill Gaither along with Greg Nelson wrote the words but they are the testimony of Susan and me. We are so blessed by the gifts from your hand. We just can't understand why you've loved us so much. We are so blessed, and we just can't find a way or the words that can say, "Thank you Lord for your touch."

With Robert Frost I say . . . . 

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

God Often Supplies Our Need from Places and in Ways We Would Never Consider

Since the power was out and church services were canceled, I have been thinking about how God has worked in my life since my dear wife Susan died two years ago. Her absence has brought great pain to my life. So, I am posting this as a word of testimony and praise. 

Percy Sledge recorded his R&B hit, When A Man Loves A Woman in 1966 the same year Susan and I married. In 2017 Sissel recorded a version that captures my feelings. I urge you to give it a listen. Better yet do it with the one you love.

When a Man Loves A Woman isn’t just about the intoxicating, all-consuming power of love though it is certainly that. Love is the most basic need of all. The desire to want and feel wanted . . . loved is a universal need put in the soul of man by God. Only God’s love and love for God can fill that need perfectly. But a man and a woman created in the image and after the nature of God has a built-in desire to be loved and to be loved deeply. This song expresses something of that.

But When a Man Loves a Woman also warns us to know what we’re getting ourselves into when we love . . . especially when we love with the love of God. The song positively beams with emotion and celebrates just how far gone we can get in our beloved. It also acknowledges the high stakes of the situation. There is nothing to compare in this world with the feeling of deeply held, intensely felt and longtime love. Granted, separation of any kind and especially death may be the end of many things in this world . . . but it certainly is not the end . . . but, at the time, it sure feels like it. So, when the earthly love of our life is no longer present the inward pain is almost unbearable.

Shifting gears just a little. I am a fortunate, no, I am a blessed man to have had a wife who possessed an uncanny ability to put people at ease. I cite one example of what I mean. Several years ago, I was a member of a panel discussing and answering questions about the advantages of having preferred suppliers and how to obtain cooperative funding & support from them. Prior to going to that panel Susan and I had been visiting with the CEO of a major travel industry “Back of the Office” company. 

As the three of us sat in the lobby of the hotel a runner came to get me for my panel. Susan started to go with me when our friend said, “Susan, why don’t you stay here while he does his thing. You’ve heard all that stuff before.” He was right and she took advantage of the opportunity to skip a meeting. Long story short, I finished my presentation and Q&A session and rejoined them where I left them in the hotel lobby. 

I said all that to provide a context for what my friend said as we left to get some lunch. I paraphrase now but what he essentially said to me was, “You have quiet the treasure in your wife.” I wisely and readily agreed as Susan was there and would hear how I would respond. He then continued, “What I mean is she listens so well, I found myself telling her things that I would never say to anyone else. I’m glad you let her stay and visit.” I responded, “I know, she does that to me too.” 

Now, fast forward to the present. I, like my friend, do not share very many personal thoughts and feelings with other people easily and certainly not on a regular basis. In fact, Susan has been my only human real confidant since before we married . . . but now she is gone. Not to sound too mystical, I still consult with her, but she rarely answers . . . . although sometimes somehow talking with her it seems like she does. 

I simply must interject here; Our God is an awesome God . . . and He knows and supplies our every need. I stand amazed at how He does it. As I said earlier, So, when the earthly love of our life is no longer present the inward pain is almost unbearable. Nothing seems to help. Then God . . . does something surprising . . . at least in my loss experience He did.

In my case, the Lord reached back into my past and pulled into my present someone with whom prior to then I doubt that I had spoken a dozen or so words over my entire life. A person who, like my friend, said of Susan, “I found myself telling her things I would never say to another living person.”  This in my mind borders on the miraculous! Do you realize the pieces God had to move to make that happen? Some of you might have been among the pieces He moved. God works and He is working all over the place.

I suppose the lesson in this is that sometimes God supplies our need from places we would never look. Israel received water from a rock and in my case, he brought an obscure part of my past into my present and is meeting my need. I see my experience as no less a miracle than Israel being refreshed with water from a rock. I speak here of spiritual things. There is a way that seems right to our way of thinking, but God knows the way through the wilderness we travel far better than do we.

Is Finding a Wife Really a Good Thing?

 I am a big proponent and have been for many years of reading a chapter from Proverbs each day. I recently added to that practice choosing one verse (proverb) on which to focus my thinking. A few days ago, that focus verse was Proverbs 18:22. 

My first thought about that verse was, “Wow! All these years I’ve been reading this proverb wrong. He didn’t say finding a “good” wife. Instead, he said “finding a wife is a good thing.” I’m pretty sure had you asked me to quote this verse yesterday I would have said, “He that finds a good wife has found a good thing.”  I would add that from a woman’s point of view that verse would have been written, “Finding a husband.”  So, anything I say today will follow the general idea that what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. 

What I am hearing is, that it is a good thing to face life as a committed couple. God created Eve as the completion of Adam by bringing to the relationship what he needed . . . . what is lacking in him. Solomon affirms that a marriage relationship between a man and a woman is a good thing . . . even if it is not always a constantly euphoric thing. Marriage in too many instances evolves into a static thing when God intended it to be a dynamic and growing relationship. For the Christian that growing relationship is known as the process of becoming one flesh . . . . i.e., growing and maturing into oneness. Unfortunately, most of us are not developed enough in character and maturity to avoid the friction created by the oneness process. 

I have often wondered if God doesn’t bring couples together based not so much on their love for each other but because each hold within themselves what the other needs for a balanced life. It is here that we must ask the question: “If I am not getting what I need could it be that I am not giving what my spouse needs? Just a thought.

I doubt anyone would argue with the statement: “We all bring our bags of "stuff," both good and bad, to our relationships. The bags of trash are easy to spot because they stink so bad. In fact, they stink so bad that others see them before we or our spouse do. They were there all the time, but I guess love really is blind or maybe just stupid. Whatever kept us from seeing them and their seriousness before we married sure left after we married. Maybe we just ignored what we saw or what others pointed out. Somehow, we see the bags of treasure but too often we are blind to the importance of the trash bags. 

The challenge is to find the bags of treasure. We need to keep reminding ourselves why we married this person in the first place. The bags of treasure also have their own aroma but sadly once we marry their sweet aroma is often overwhelmed by the stinky stuff. Sometimes the onion has to be peeled to get to the good stuff. I was so very blessed that my life companion had so very little trash and so much treasure. So what's the answer? Finding a good wife is not only a good thing, it the best thing. 

A Personal Word: I have been asked so many times what was it that made Susan the lovely person she was. Susan was a role model par excellence. Anyone who used her as a model for living life would be a better person for it. She certainly faced all the challenges of life that is common to our humanity and specific to her own life experience not to mention mine. She had her share of heartache and pain, sorrow and happiness. As you know, I spent 60+ years knowing and seeing her in just about any and every life experience you can imagine, and I would say of her today what Jesus said of Nathanael, "behold a woman in whom there is no guile." She was the best of the best. Her greatest gift from God was that she loved with the love of the Lord and that love broke any and all barriers down. 

Me, well I had so much stinky trash that I am still a work in progress . . . but thank God, He is not finished with me yet and He is not through with you either. 

Another Part of Our Journey into Oneness

I have been asked many times how Susan and I developed a deep level of love and commitment in our marriage. The answer to that is too complex to answer here. There are many factors that go into developing a relationship like the one Susan and I shared. Many of those factors are unconscious while others evolve over time and still others were conscious decisions. Today, I’ll mention two of the important ones. 

The first and foremost is that we both decided early on that God and our relationship to and fellowship with Him individually and as a couple was vital. We knew that relationship had to be nurtured and developed if we were going to have what we both wanted . . . a relationship with each other that mirrored our relationship with God. I do not believe you can have what we had apart from a powerful sense of the presence of God in your life. 

The second was to prefer the other over our self. Understand, our life together was a journey into oneness and there are plenty of other factors that play into that journey. They are the spokes of the wheel that is our life. 

I am going to try to shed a little light on the logistics of making that a reality. What I share below is just one spoke in what was the wheel of our relationship. 

From the time I graduated from seminary and became a full-time senior pastor I have had to travel and over time that travel burden only increased. Now understand, I didn’t mind the travel, but I began somewhere early on in our journey into oneness that it put an added burden on her.     

Many years ago now, I made a decision that if I was going to be away on either professional or personal business Susan would have the choice to go with me if she wanted to do so. I was so committed to this that I would drive from Kilgore, Texas to Pasadena, Texas to take our daughter to “Gramma’s” house so Susan could attend a two-day meeting in Dallas, Texas. Those of you who have for any length of time lived in Texas know how crazy that seems. 

Most of the time Susan chose to go and we turned every single trip, of which there were many, into personal couple growth opportunities. People who know me are aware of the many, many trips we have taken over the years both in Ministry and the travel industry.

Understand that while my business-related travel was paid for, I still had to pay her cost. Over time people that I worked with at these events came to expect her to be there. A few even involved her in what we were discussing and/or planning . . . one executive once referred to her as the most valuable non-paid advisor he had. But I am beginning to digress.

My point is, we used our responsibilities as opportunities to spend more time together than we would have otherwise. There is a little-known axiom that says, “In order to have quality time together you must have quantity of time.” It was with this principle in mind that we always looked for ways to exploit my required travel for our personal gain. 

We also frequently planned extended stays in the area where I had to be. Sometimes, we used that city as a jumping off place for a cruise or a tour or just a couple of extra nights in the hotel. At conventions, conferences and trade show hotels were always good to give us the “convention rate” for a few days post conference. My point is, we found a way to get quantity of time. This in turn gave us the opportunity to create quality time with each other that gave us “time and place” where we did all the little things that mean so much in a relationship. 

Somewhere along the way we became a team, no more than a team, we became one.

If Only This Were True

If only this were true what a wonderful world this would be. But alas it is a cute phrase that does not convey the truth of the matter. Both men and women who are the recipients of “love, care, time and attention” have plenty of opportunities to cheat on their spouses and some do. I have often thought about what is there in us that some will succumb to temptation and others will not. Why does the cheater cheat? Do people cheat and become cheaters or are they cheaters who cheat? 

By the way, everything I will say in this post applies equally to men and women.

I remember the day when as a young man of 19 I looked into the eyes of a 19-year-old young woman named Susan and surrounded by God’s people, standing in the presence of God’s spokesman and before the eyes and ears of the Almighty Himself I promised that young woman that, among other things, I would be “true to her and her alone as long as we both shall live. I remember feeling the weight of that promise. I knew I meant what I said to her that day. I knew she was accepting my words at face value and believing I would honor that sweeping promise. At the same time, she was making the very same promises to me. By God’s grace we kept those promises.

Unfortunately, a lot of other people have made, and others will make, those same promises to each other under the same circumstances but somewhere along the line they will yield to temptation, break their vow and betray the trust of their spouse. The question is, why do some remain faithful, and others do not. 

Setting aside, at least for the moment, Jesus’ sweeping statement in Matthew 5:28 where he declares, “But I say unto you, 'That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her hath committed. adultery with her already in his heart'” and look at why people cheat on each other. Let’s take a look.

I don’t think it is necessary to define what I mean by cheating on one’s spouse. I suspect we all know what that is. However, for the sake of clarity let me define what I mean by cheating . . . . Cheating is when one spouse betrays the other spouse’s trust and breaks the promise of maintaining emotional and sexual exclusivity with them. 

Let me also say up front what else we know to be true and that is that everyone of us has a strong desire for self-gratification. It may be among the strongest we have but it does not have to be the strongest and certainly not the controlling desire. As the king once said why he did a certain thing replied, “It pleasures me.” That is not too far from the excuse, “I did it because I could.”  Now, if this need for self-gratification exceeds the love and intimacy a person is getting from a relationship and commitment and loyalty are weak or missing it can lead to infidelity. Mark the words “it can lead to” . . . . It can but infidelity is not inevitable. 

So, we have defined the area wherein conflict can arise. Counselors and Psychologist will give you a long list of why men and women cheat on each other. Those lists are all attempts to explain why a certain person acted out the way they did, i.e., cheating on their spouse. However they try to describe a given cause in a given case the truth what they are actually doing is adding color commentary to the picture. Behind all of that descriptive and justifying language is “it's all about me.” Even when we play the blame game and put the onus on our spouse, it is still “all about me.”

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4) I don’t know how many times I have been asked since by beloved wife of almost 55 years went to be with the Lord about how we managed to stay married that long. Seems that is a question that flows out of the fact that so many marriages end in divorce sometime within the first ten years. I know it first was brought to my attention more than 30 years ago when as I checked out of a Phar-Mor Pharmacy, I handed the clerk a 50th Anniversary Wedding card. I still remember her response, “Wow, do people actually stay married that long?” My answer always followed along the line of, “Well, yes . . . at least many of my friends and acquaintances do.

Legally people can get divorced for any reason or even no reason at all. Biblically God only recognizes one acceptable reason and that is adultery. In Levitical law, adultery was so serious that if a man slept with another man’s wife, the adulterers would both be put to death (Leviticus 20:10). I’m going to be honest, if this were still the method of today, I know a few people who would not be alive.

The consequences of adultery (betrayal) are devastating in so many ways. However, we must never forget that Jesus is redemptive. If we love Him, He will work events in our lives together for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). However, our choices do come with consequences. Even though there is grace and forgiveness for our sins we should never push the limit on that grace and live against God’s laws. 

In John 8, Jesus was asked to stone a woman for adultery. He began to tell the people whoever had never sinned throw the first stone and they all eventually left. Jesus, who was the only one who never sinned, chose not to condemn her, but to forgive her and call her to leave her life of sin.

Adultery comes in a variety of forms. There is pornography . . . . viewing or reading graphic materials that are sexual. There is flirting . . . . trying to entice another through smooth words and using inappropriate language with another who is not your spouse. There is sexual relations . . . . encountering another person sexually who is not your spouse. There is sexting . . . . sending inappropriate messages or images to someone who is not your spouse. And there is lusting . . . . having sexual fantasies about another person who is not your spouse.

So, with all this with which to contend, what is one to do. I would suggest that you begin by making sure you have a very close walk with the Lord. Second, I also suggest that as husband and wife you do things together and not separate. Thirdly, I also suggest you avoid emotional adultery . . . sharing your personal thoughts, feelings, and emotions with another person other than your husband or wife. 

Marriages are so important and valuable to the Lord. They are a gift that He has given to us that are to model His love for His church. When we commit adultery, we not only ruin the image of our own marriages, but we taint the view of God’s love to others as revealed through our marriage. We need to take this very seriously and rely on the Holy Spirit to help us succeed in purity. The Christian marriage is in reality a spiritual threesome . . .  It is composed of a man, a woman and the Lord himself. For believers Jesus is Lord of their individual lives and He must be Lord of their marriage. What God has joined together let not man put asunder . . . especially by not being unfaithful to the promises made to each other before God. 

People give a lot of reasons and even more excuses as to why they cheated on their spouse but that is all they are, excuses. The truth is a good man who truly loves you and is committed to you will be loyal to you as well. I have lived now a long time in this old world, and I can tell you that every man I know has had the opportunity to "cheat" (I call it betray) on his wife at some point in their marriage and some do, but not every man does. Instead of trying to understand why some cheat I suggest we consider why others don’t cheat.

A man remains faithful not because you give him love, care, time and attention. Too be sure he likes all of those things, and they will certainly help the relationship grow and mature. There are all sorts of things one can do to bring a husband-and-wife relationship into the Biblical goal of oneness. Chief among these is always trying to become a better person and always putting your spouse first . . . . even before yourself. It is a matter of being kindly affectioned one to another with godly love and in honor preferring one another.

A husband remains faithful because he is a man of character who will not trade his character for a bowl of soup. He is loyal to his wife in spite of being tempted because of who he is . . . . a man of character. A man who truly loves his wife simply will not betray her trust for a few moments of carnal gratification.

No man was ever loved by a woman as was I and no woman was ever loved by a man as was my wife. However, our fidelity to each other was born out of our view of self and each other and not what we provided for one another. Good men have more self-respect than that and they certainly have more respect toward their wives. Back to that night 55 plus years ago when I sealed a promise already made . . . . it was heavy on me because I understood that being unfaithful was just not an option . . . . it was a promise. 

To paraphrase Scripture, If I cannot be faithful to my wife who I have both seen and touched how can I be faithful to God whom I have not seen and touched? If I love her with every fiber of my being, how can I entertain the thought of being betraying the trust she has placed in me.

When we promised to be true to our wives until death do us part, we were saying not only will I love you, but I’ll be true to you until the day one or the other of us dies. Some of us can't seem to stop even after our spouses dies. I remember saying to my sweet Susan, “Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you: for where you go, I will go; and where you lodge, I will lodge: your people shall be my people, and your God my God: Where you die, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.”

Dear friend, a promise made is a commitment to keep . . . your honor is on the line. 

As Time Goes By

 

I recently read a posting about someone’s childhood experience and how they related to that experience, and it got me to thinking about my own growing up years. I have learned, over time, that during my formative years my house and its furnishings were not that much different from those of my friends and classmates. In later years, as an adult, I learned from many of them that their home life in those houses was not really that different from mine either. A few had it better and a few had it harder but most of us were having a very similar experience. 

Over the years I have developed relationships with people in the various circles in which I moved. I had my ministry friends, my college and seminary friends and my academic friends, church member friends, travel industry friends and because in all of all of those friend categories my international friends. Different in so many ways the one thing they all have in common is that I think of them as friends. If I were a rich man, I’d rent a nice hotel with a great hall and have them all together in one place so I can say “Thank You” for enriching my life. 

I believe that God has a plan for our lives that makes us a part of His greater plan for mankind. As a part of that plan He brings people in and out of our lives. Some are a part of our lives the whole of the time while others only for a short span. Some come into our lives early and leave only to return in later years. It is an amazing process and such a joy when one is aware of what is taking place.  When we realize God is doing all this weaving to accomplish something bigger than ourselves and at the very self-same time He is shaping us into the expressed image of His dear Son. As He weaves the tapestry we call our life He never drops a stitch. He even uses the bad experiences of life as opportunities to enrich us. There is a sense in which I am what I am because of who you, my friends, are. God is making something beautiful of our lives.  

However, over the years there has been a strange and dare I say almost spiritual connection with the group of people with whom I started this journey we call life. Because our lives went so many directions after May 1965 so many were not seen again for 25 years and others for 45 years and yet I feel as though in some kind of mystical way they have walked with me every day of my life.  When I walked the school hallways with them I thought we were all so very different and now as I come to the end of my journey I see we were really not that different at all. 

I have not forgotten my best friend all through Junior and senior high school even though it has been more than 58 years since I last saw or even spoken to him. I am sure I am poorer for that. On the other hand, a few people with whom I rarely spoke or associated with in those days have become precious friends. However, it doesn’t seem to be the frequency of time spent together or of conversations shared that give my fellow PHS Class of 1965 a special place in my heart of hearts. I weep over the passing of people about whom I know little or nothing and I find myself rejoicing with those who find new happiness in our senior years and I am saddened when they hurt. But as strange as it may seem I feel drawn to the members of that class. I don’t know why . . . I just know it is so. Maybe you can tell me.

I find myself wishing I could reach around all of us and bring us into our own private Brigadoon. So many of these folks are people of faith . . . . the Christian faith. That means that one day God will bring us together in our own eternal Brigadoon . . . we call it Paradise. Paradise becomes in many respects a paradise because so many of you will be there. Intellectually I know that not all will be there but I see them there none-the-less. Heaven in my mind is like now except without flaws and sin.

So, for all the big and small ways that you, the members of the PHS Class of 1965 have touch, help shape and continue to minister to my life I say, “Thank you.” In spite of my doubts, fears and anxieties in May 1965 about what the future held for us you seem to me to have succeeded in life. A few made it materially and few fell through the cracks but by-in-large you managed to become great people. If no one else has told you lately, then let me do it now, “You are indeed loved.” I know because I have love in my heart for you. I can’t explain it but it is there none-the-less. 

By the way, If you are a 1965 graduate or attended Pasadena High School in Pasadena, Texas between 1962-64 but were transferred to and graduated from Sam Rayburn in 1965 you should check out our class page on Facebook . You can keep up with what's happening there and you'll know when our next class "Gather with a Few Old Friends" dinner is scheduled. 

Proper Attire for the Pulpit. What is it?

I recently responded to a post on Facebook dealing with what constituted proper attire for a minister when preaching. Here is the post: “I would like everyone tell me if your preacher wears a suit to preach? I haven’t been to a church service in 25 years that a preacher wears one.  I don’t believe anyone will find a scripture in the Bible that requires that . . . .”  

Ordinarily I would have answered with a yes or no. However because I took “I don’t believe anyone will find a scripture in the Bible that requires that” as a kind of off-handed challenge I decided to be a little more expansive in my response. 

I began my thought process by recalling my own experience as a Baptist preacher. That experience covers a period of time starting in about 1963 to the present or about 60 years of observation and involvement. I have observed preachers from around the world and must confess that they have worn all sorts of attire. 

I may be wrong, but here are some of my thoughts on why clothing matters when we’re preaching. I do believe that what the preacher wears in the pulpit and at public speaking engagements is more than just a matter of personal choice. After all, preaching is not about us. 

As the vessel through which God delivers His message we cannot help but be noticed. However, we should never outshine the message or deliberately call attention to ourselves. After all that is the main thing in preaching. I will add, that however one dresses it needs to be clean, fit well, appropriate and not be a distraction from the sermon. Now with that said, hear is what I think . . . .

Since finding a chapter and verse that delineates how a preacher is to dress for the pulpit seemed to be a challenge of some sort I want to address it first. Let me be the first to say that there is nothing in Scripture that says in a straightforward manner anything like, “And the Bishop shall wear ___________.” However, that does not mean Scripture inform a preachers choice of attire. 

You see, the preacher’s attire when preaching is not a matter of chapter and verse in Scripture. Scripture. There are in Scripture whose underlying principle would apply. For example Paul’s discussion of meat offered to idols in both Romans 14:21 and Corinthians 8:13. Certainly First Corinthians 10:23, where Paul says, “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not" is informative.

So, in typical preacher form I have four points and but no poem. 

First the attire of the preacher in the pulpit is largely and issue of contextualization. It needs to fit the time, place and occasion. What works in one church may not work in another. Keep in mind you can rarely over dress but it is really easy to under dress. In my personal experience, my last church seemed to prefer at a minimum a coat and tie, but I preferred a suit (I did both) for all Sunday services. I have found that acceptable attire for any church. In some instances like weddings I have worn my doctrinal robe. All of the churches where I served would not have minded if I wore pants and a Polo shirt on Sunday nights and other weekday services. I want my dress to fit the occasion. Loving people well means being willing to contextualize my attire so others might hear the Word. I do not want my dress to distract from the main thing . . . the preaching of the Gospel. As a preacher we need to know our audience; we need to know the occasion; and we need to dress appropriate for both.

My second thought is that what the preacher wears does send signals intended or not. On the negative side it may say things like, “I’m still living in the 70s” or “I’m messy.” In other cases, it says, “I like to rebel against tradition” or “perhaps I’m too lazy to iron my shirt.” On the positive side in might say, “I want to become all things to all men” so some might be saved. These perceptions may be just that—only perceptions—but we still need to recognize them when we preach. You preach on heaven and all the congregation remembers is that goofy tie you work or the chest hair sticking out above the top button of your shirt. 

My third thought is that how the preacher dresses can be part of an intentional ministry outreach strategy. Perhaps the best illustration is the pastor who wears a coat and tie in a traditional service, but who then wears jeans with an untucked shirt for the contemporary or evening service. He’s doing that intentionally because of the church’s desire to reach multiple generations through different services.

My final thought is that how the preacher dresses can distract from the message. When your clothing looks strange (or even just decidedly different), it’s not always easy to hear your message because of the visual distraction. I suppose we can blame that issue on the hearers, but it’s our responsibility as the communicator to figure out how to communicate most effectively. I remember the days of the flamboyant evangelists with their flashy clothes. They certainly got your attention don’t know about whether their message always got through. 

As preachers we have a responsibility not to allow our clothing choices to hinder someone’s hearing the message. To paraphrase Jesus, “Take heed that you do not dress to be seen of men: otherwise you have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.” Again, it is an issue of contextualization. 

I also think these apply to church members as well. My grandfather might have worn coveralls to church but they would be his newest and cleanest. May I suggest that how we dress might be a reflection of how we view God. The real question is not what should I wear but am I dressing to please myself, to impress others or to honor and please God. After all, God looks on the intent of the heart.

Proper Attire for the Pulpit. What is it? You tell me in the Comments below.

Choose You This Day . . . .

In light of the events of today, namely the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, my mind has been revisiting the journey we have made since I committed my life to the preaching of the gospel and the changes in our national morality and ethics. I somehow think that event today in Uvalde is a consequence of that journey. Historically, these kinds of things had their beginning in that same decade.

I do not think anyone would deny that since the 1960's there has been a gradual and steady change in our society’s morality. In 1967 or 1968 I was on a Houston television station discussing Joseph Fletcher and his book Situation Ethics and where it would take us if his ideas to take hold of the American mind. Since then, we have seen our mores, moral standards and ethics change from absolute to situational to individual. Progressives would generally see this as a good thing while conservatively minded people would see it as not good. 

However, one feels about it there is no denying that our morality has drastically changed as we have moved from community consensus to the idea of personal choice. Many things which were viewed as unequivocally wrong are now being standardized.  Because of my age I have personally witnessed this change. I have watched as things like sexual promiscuity, pedophilia, abortion, graphic violence, drug abuse, pornography, hate crimes and any number of other things have moved from being absolutely forbidden to being normalized and acceptable.  

This is not to say that these things did not exist in the past, because they did, but rather, it is to show the way that our society has warped its definition of morality; consequently, many people have come to govern themselves by what they feel is right.  We have succumbed to a gradual rejection of moral absolutism. I would suggest that is the result of changing ideas of a moral standard or authority outside ourselves. In our country that would be both a corrupting of the Judeo-Christian ethic as expressed in Scripture by Christians and an outright rejection of it by non-Christians. Together they constitute an unholy alliance.  

The Judeo-Christian ethic provides the moral authority for behavior. Moral absolutism attests that every action is classified as either right or wrong.  This goes against today’s views that claim that there is much so much grey area that one cannot have a one standard fits all approach to human conduct. These would say the line between good and evil is ambiguous, and the circumstances determine what is the right course of action.

For Christians and Muslims, the one thing they unequivocally agree on is that there are moral and ethical absolutes by which individuals, communities, cultures and institutions are to conduct themselves in society. For Christians moral absolutism generally rests on the belief that life is a spiritual experience. Additionally, as Christians we believe that the Bible is our sole authority for both faith and practice . . . what we believe and what we do and how we do it.  God is the one who sets right and wrong, and His rules are clear. For the Muslim it is the Quran. 

While Christianity and Islam are the number one and two religions in the world by size there is a third group that I will simply call unbelievers (they profess no religion). This third group represents about 16% of the world people. They deny God and in so doing have no external authority for moral behavior. Group three is growing at about the same rate a Christianity is declining.

A large and steadily rising, number of people are shifting due to a lack of belief in a God or a higher power that sets absolute morals.  This mind set leads people to choose their own definition of right and wrong, and therefore, we see increases in and acceptance of many actions which were previously viewed as immoral. This defines the battle for America that we are witnessing in our day.

Those who deny God generally define right and wrong on the basis of how they feel about it at any given time. This becomes “their truth.” It is very much akin to the experience of the Jews when there were no judges in the land, and everyone did what was right in their own mind.  This clear turn from moral absolutism by young people coupled with the general decline in religious peoples understanding of Scripture means that right and wrong will only continue to blur, and those previously immoral actions will continue to normalize, while those who still believe in moral absolutism will become more and more peculiar.

At this point, while faced with this moral relativism, we must right our ship. We have two options. One option is to do nothing and just continue on our present downward spiral or we can bring our ship around and sale into these perverse winds that lead to anarchy. We can continue to refuse to define right and wrong and let our society remain on the path that is running our American culture amuck. It will, like a leaky faucet continue dripping until it becomes a stream corrupting all careers and classes.  

On the other hand, we can choose to change our “social” thinking to recognizing that people do not have the individual luxury of determining their own rights and wrongs. Christians need to return to a high view of Scripture as the Word of God and the authority for how we live. If we choose this option, we might see a change in the direction we are going as a people.

I do not expect the world to do anything to get us back on track because God seems to have put the responsibility on His own people. We Christians hold the key. The promise of restoration is given to God’s people not people in general. It starts in the house of the Lord. We must start the painful process of getting the world, the false preacher and teachers and the mercenaries out of the church. God has said, “If my people.” There it is, the big “If.” It might well be if and when my people "which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will heal their land."

Well, there you have it. God has told us what to do. "Choose you this day who you will serve . . . ." All that remains is to do it