I was married to the same woman for nearly 55 years . . . a woman who I have known since she was about 13 or 14 years old . . . . and if I have learned anything, it is that I am not smart enough to speak for what any woman wants in a relationship. But through those years of growing up and growing together I have observed a few things that I think might be helpful to couples. Here is one thing I have experienced and observed.
First, unless God brought you together, don’t even entertain the notion that what brought you together will keep you together. If, like my Susan and me, God brought you together you’d better accept early that it will take Him to keep you together. And if you are as “in love” as you felt you were then look for the clues He is giving you to keep you together and bring you into oneness.
Hey guys, when you started your journey together, she was saying to you “Take my hand and don't you ever let go.” Believe me when I tell you that the day your wife stops wanting and asking for your affection you are already in real relationship trouble. When she quits reaching out for your hand as you walk together you had better recognize that an emotional line has been crossed that is important to your husband-wife relationship. That is the day she has decided she’s done.
So to make it contemporary, “Put your phone down . . . look at her . . . listen to her.” She wants your focus to be on her. She wants to be seen and heard. I don’t care how long you have known your old “school buddies” she became your top priority in life the day you pledge your love to her. She needs and wants your affirmation. She wants to know that she is still “the chosen one” in your life.
Under God she is the single most important person in your life and as such is entitled to you complete devotion. You need to give your attention to her and all that she does. That devotion, whether you know it or not, is not demonstrated in flamboyant expressions on special days. It is seen in how you acknowledge all the “crap” she does trying to keep your home together. Everything from picking up toys, making sure there is toilet paper in the bathroom, keeping up with and reminding you of your appointments and a thousand other things that go unnoticed until they go undone.
I remember a lady once told her husband as we were discussing their relationship, “I want to be seen, I want to be noticed and I ant to be appreciated.” Here’s what she was really saying: :I want you to show me that you even know I am in the room. You act as though I am invisible. Furthermore I want you not only to see me, but to see what I do around this place. I am your exhausted chief cook and bottle washer and then you want me to be your lover. I need you to know who I am and to recognize and appreciated what I do.”
My dear brothers, when your wife asks for your help, please understand it means she wants and needs YOU! Instead of calling her a nag, change that light bulb or fix the leaky faucet when you say you will. Doing what you said you’d do builds trust. I recently had a call from a man whose wife had passed and he said, “I don’t know what to do now. I have finished all the 'honey do's' she wanted from me but she is not here to know it.” It may be funny to say you don’t need to remind a man every six moths to do something, He’ll eventually do it.
Guys, your wife will fight like a tiger for your love and affection but over time taking all that she is and does for granted as though you had some other love will end badly. Your wife wants your love, she wants to spend time with you, she needs you to affirm again and again that you need and want her. Remember those wedding day words, “Forsaking all others I take you?” . . . well, she needs and wants to hear them and see them in action. My brother you had her love when you left the church on your wedding day and you still have it now so don't loose it through inattention.
If you find yourself on the precipice then remember the words of Jesus to the Ephesian church, "You have left your first love, Therefore, keep in mind how far you have fallen. Repent and perform the deeds you did at first."
What I am trying to say is, show her you’re on her side. Show her that she is the most important person in your life. She gave her life to you when you were married don’t let that prove to be a mistake. Be her friend . . . . Be her support . . . . Be her cheer leader . . . . Be her safe place.
Take her hand when she’s at her best and even better take her hand when she’s at her worst. whether it’s mentally or physically and notice her. See her and choose her through the highs and the lows, and all in between of life. “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow." Through the bad times and the good. The tiring and the fun. Choose her, Every second, every minute and every day.”
I have heard this story told several times over the years but the truth it conveys is timeless. "My mom always cooked tasty food. But, one day she put a burnt pie in front of dad. Not just a little burnt but, black as coal. I waited to see what dad would say. But he just ate the pie and asked “How was your day?” Then I heard mom apologize to him for his supper. I'll never forget his response. "Darling, I liked your pie." Later, I asked him if he had told the truth. He put his arm on my shoulder and said, "Your mom had a tough day at work, she was tired. The burnt pie didn't harm me but, a sharp word could have hurt her." We all make mistakes. We shouldn't focus on mistakes but, support those we love.
Gentlemen, Love your wife not just in word but in deed as well. My Christian brother, “Love your wife as Christ has loved the church.”
Ladies, I’d love to hear what you think.
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