However, whatever the specific concerns and their order of importance the one common denominator that seems to permeate the life of single seniors is isolation. This feeling of isolation only serves to exacerbate the other issue they face. They have spent their whole life solving most of the issues of need and want in their life. Much of what they did supplied a sense of significance that every human needs.
Much of their life, and yours as well, has been spent in a search for significance. When we were young it may have been found in our school relationships and activities. Later we found it in our job or profession. Many found it in raising their families. We may even have found it in our service through our churches or other service institutions. Sadly, little in what we did all of our life prepares us for the aloneness of being a single senior.
Personally, I know what it is like as a single senior to try and find significance. It takes a lot of faith in God to not fall into the trap of believing that you no longer matter. In my case I spent my whole life with people around . . . not underfoot but around. Beginning with my wife who was at my side for 60 plus year and almost 55 of those as my wife, my companion, my confidant, and my lover. She gave me that sense of significance I craved and that simple “aroundness” that I needed. I frequently felt I could take on anything as long as she was with me. I think most seniors feel that way about each other. Then the thing you dread the most happens. Your spouse takes their heavenly flight and suddenly you are alone. Alone in a way and to a depth you have never before experienced. But have no fear, should the Lord tarry, “your day will come” and you will be reminded by well-meaning folks that you are not alone because the Lord is with you.
As strange as it may seem to those not living that experience being told that the Lord is with you, while true, is not particularly reassuring. To be sure, those single seniors who are Christians know that the Lord is with them. They have spent their entire lives trusting Him and in fellowship with Him. Very few single senior Christians need to be reminded that “the Lord, the LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (1 Chronicles 28:20) They have lived their entire lives trusting the Lord.
But after hearing it again and again it takes on the meaning, whether true or not, of “I don’t have time for you.” Single seniors begin to feel like the perpetual bridesmaid but never the bride or the young wife who is the only one in her group of girlfriends still without a child. We are social being. God created us that way. Hence after creating man God observed that it was not good for a man to be alone so enter stage left . . . woman. As long as man and woman lived and interacted with increasing unity their basic social needs were met. That is why married seniors fair better than single seniors. They have each other. Single seniors need social interaction, mental stimulation, positive emotional stimulus and physical contact to remain vibrant human beings.
I sometimes think that is the reason God allowed second marriages after the death of a spouse. It is to fill that need for basic social interactions. Until sin entered the picture it appears that death was not a part of man’s existence. They were to spend eternity becoming one. Problem solved. But alas, sin did become a part of man’s experience and with it came death and aloneness.
I suppose there are a multitude of reasons (those reasons can just as easily be excuses) for the feeling of isolation experienced by single seniors. The one I hear the most is that people are just too busy to check in on those who live alone.
It is just a sad fact of life that lifelong friends are either in the same boat or fast getting into that boat. They are hampered by health issues, financial issues, or great distances that pretty much confine them. Sadder yet is when senior singles family members (understand children & grandchildren) are busy with their own lives and seldom think about their single family member. All of these are legitimate reasons and offer a good explanation, but they are also excuses used to salve our conscience. All of this contributes to the feeling and belief of the single senior that, “I just don’t matter. If I died today, who would care or even notice?”
All I can say here is that regarding the single seniors in your life you must be intentional, or you will unintentionally be using excuses instead of giving reasons.
Depression is often a result of extended isolation. Depression can lead to other health issues. Just because a single senior is still working does not mean they don’t get lonely and long to see, hear, and touch the people they love. What can we do to help?
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