Wedding & Funerals: Honorarium or Fee

As a Baptist preacher I have officiated a lot of weddings and funerals since I first started back in the 1960's. As a now retired Baptist preacher I still officiate a lot of weddings and funerals. The difference is that now it is usually it is wedding of the grandchildren of former parishioners who want the guy that married Mom and Dad to do their wedding as well. Funerals are now largely for good friends.

One thing that is constant is the confusion people have over whether or not you should pay the preacher for these services. It was clear for me that when it came to members of the church where I preached these functions were a part on my ministry to the congregation. However, when a preacher is invited to participate in such things for people outside the congregation there should be some sort of financial consideration. 

Please take note that I said, “Clear for me.” I do not hold anyone else to my conscience on this matter.  I must, however, point out that when I was active in the pastorate I was frequently asked if I charged for things like weddings and funerals. Truth be told I still get that question from time to time.

I need to point out that there are two schools of thought on “paying the preacher.” There is the fee for service wherein people are paying a fixed fee for a specific service just like they would at the Justice of the Peace. Some churches even codify this in their operations and personnel manuals. Then there is the “honorarium” method. This is a gift of an amount given in appreciation and gratitude for the time and energy the minister puts into the service. The amount is chosen by the person doing the giving.  These are the two basic approaches to “paying the preacher” for officiating the service.

When I was asked about this I always replied, "I have no fee schedule for these things. I see them as a part of my ministry." People would usually then ask something like, "well what about people who are not members of your church?" The answer was the same, "I have no fee schedule for these things. I see them as a part of my ministry."

Then they would often ask, "Well, do you accept honorariums for wedding and funerals?" I always responded, "Well, if someone wants to give something I am thankful for the thoughtfulness and happy to accept it."  (Personally, I never even looked to see the amount until after everyone was gone.) 

This would usually be followed by the question they really wanted to ask, "How much do most people give as an honorarium?"  In the case of weddings I'd often look at the groom and jokingly say, "Well, what is she worth to you?"  The quick witted ones would always say, "I can't afford that much." Regarding funerals I unusually did not need to say anything because the funeral home personnel handling the service usually took the initiative on this with the family as a part of their service planning.

The truth is everyone who asks this question genuinely want to give an appropriate honorarium. On this I could always tell them that from time to time there have been unusually large and exceptionally small amounts but the average usually was within a range of . . . .

I know, I know, now your curious about the range of the honorarium. The truth is when it comes  to an honorarium the amounts ranged from a low of nothing to a high of in excess of $1000 and in every case the amount was always within the range of a persons ability to give.  You see, as an honorarium the amount is determined by the giver and therefore rarely arbitrary. As to an average amount of the wedding honorariums I’d guess the ran about $200 and for funerals about $100.

For me an honorarium, whether received or given, was never a matter of amount. I expected people to stay within their means and budget. For me it has always about thoughtfulness and appreciation.

Now, just because I did not have a fee schedule does not mean that people who do have set fees are somehow less honorable than those of us who do not. There is no moral rule on this subject and there are strong arguments for both.  For me the honorarium just fits better with my sense of ministry and was compatible with my conscience.  I do not impose my conscience on others in this matter.

Have I ever not received an honorarium for a wedding or funeral or some other service? Yep. It has happened. There have been a few cases where I drove hundreds of miles to do a funeral for the family of a former church member and all the cost came out of my pocket. But that, for me was OK. Like I said I see this as ministry. I must also quickly say this was the rare exception. It has happened for weddings as well. I have even been known to give the groom back his money because I knew his finances were very tight. Like I said, it is all about the thoughtfulness and the gratitude not the amount.

So what’s my advise? If there is no fee schedule I suggest that you consider all the elements involved in providing this service, whether it be a wedding or a funeral, and determine in your own mind the amount of an honorarium you can give with a cheerful heart. I can assure you it will be grateful received with equal joy.

When They Say All Manner Of Evil

I recently read on a Facebook posting a comment about Chuck Lorre of the television show “The Big Bang Theory” Lorre, they said, is “the Producer is an anti-Christian Bigot and is known to put disgusting things after the show's ending” As I read through the comments I encountered statements like, “ He is a damn asshole liberal....”

Taken as a whole, the above got me to thinking about how we as Christians should be responding to the people who clearly are not only intellectually opposed to the Christian faith and Christians but who choose to engage in actively ridiculing the faith and those who hold to it.

Let me be clear, I am not critical of persons informing us of such people or even advising us to avoid or counter such persons as Chuck Lorre. I am not opposed to people personally choosing to avoid attending or watching their productions. In point of fact, I view such decisions as a kind of “Affirmative Action” designed to protect one self from being exposed to such anti-Christian material and a way of countering what one finds offensive.

I certainly believe that as Christians we need to oppose and offer alternatives to men such as Chuck Lorre and their anti-Christian actions. However, it was the response “He is a damn asshole liberal” that got me thinking about our responses to such people.

The first thing I thought was, “Was that an appropriate response? It seemed to me that a Christian would have chosen a different adjective to describe a Liberal. I will certainly acknowledge that it is graphic and serves to express a level detestation that runs pretty deep. It also, in my view, reveals something of the heart of the person speaking.

Secondly, it seems to foster confrontation and does not move us forward. You don’t win people by calling the, “assholes” and the like. That is a pejorative that puts people on the defensive and confirms their thinking about Christians.

Chuck Lorre is a sinner who has not been saved by the grace of God because he has steadfastly refused to put his faith in the completed work of Jesus Christ. That is what he is. That may not be the sum total of who he is but it is the reason for his actions and attitudes. Truth is, Everything else flows out of that.

In that sense he is no different that each of us before we placed our faith in Jesus Christ. He is exactly what Saul of Tarsus was before he met Jesus in a life changing way as he was making his way to Damascus to imprison and otherwise persecute Christians and became Paul the Apostle. My advice is, "Pray for his salvation."

My point is that we must look past the outward actions and activities of those who oppose us as Christians and recognize the fact that while they may attack our faith and all that we hold dear it is not truly us they are angry with or have hate toward. They really are angry with God and they hate the Lord Jesus. The problem is, we represent Him to them and so they attack us.

They only attack those believers who actually live out their faith seriously in the public square. They want to push the influence of Christ on our world into a closet. Once we understand that it is the fact that our beliefs produce a lifestyle that is in contradiction to us we will understand why they hate us. We do not have to say a word to them about their sin because the way we lives telegraphs to them that we do not accept or approve of their lifestyle.

Just living out the principles of the Word of God puts us at odds with those who don’t know Him. Because this serves as an irritant that makes them terribly uncomfortable they seek to destroy our voice by shutting our voice and behavior out of the public square. They hate Jesus  but they express that hatred toward His people.

In the words of Wisdom 2:12-21

 12 Therefore let us lie in wait for the righteous; because he is not for our turn, and he is clean contrary to our doings: he

upbraideth us with our offending the law, and objecteth to our infamy the transgressings of our education. 13 He professeth to have the knowledge of God: and he calleth himself the child of the Lord. 14 He was made to reprove our thoughts. 15 He is grievous unto us even to behold: for his life is not like other men's, his ways are of another fashion. 16 We are esteemed of him as counterfeits: he abstaineth from our ways as from filthiness: he pronounceth the end of the just to be blessed, and maketh his boast that God is his father. 17 Let us see if his words be true: and let us prove what shall happen in the end of him. 18 For if the just man be the son of God, he will help him, and deliver him from the hand of his enemies. 19 Let us examine him with despitefulness and torture, that we may know his meekness, and prove his patience. 20 Let us condemn him with a shameful death: for by his own saying he shall be respected. 21 Such things they did imagine, and were deceived: for their own wickedness hath blinded them.

Our response should be twofold. First we should recognize the cause of their opposition to Christians and Christianity . . . . namely, they are unsaved. Recognizing their alienation from God and His people and the things of God we should pray for their salvation. Not only should we pray we should actively and aggressively present the Gospel of redemption to them. Confront them with the fact that before God there are sinners; share that in spite of their sinful lives God loves them as sent Jesus to die for their sins; we need to make sure they know that this condition while fatal is not inevitable. They can be forgiven and transformed by the power of the Gospel.

Second, we are to be active in the public square. We must be actively involved in the political, social and economic mechanisms of out society.  If we are not we will with escalating speed so our religious and civil liberties taken from us by those who neither understand us or like us.

However, we cannot do that by stooping to their levels of action and expression. We must be, as they think we believe, better than that. Our actions must always reflect the love and grace of God. After all Jesus did not just die for our sins only but for the sins of the whole world.

The Bible tells us, “[Jesus] is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” (1 John 2:2 NIV).  Jesus died for the sins of every person who ever lived . . . . . including mine, yours and theirs. That’s how much He loves us. If you believe in Him as your Savior, full forgiveness and salvation in heaven is yours. You don’t receive those gifts by anything you do or don’t do. It’s a free gift, given by grace. Unfortunately not everyone will accept the gift He offers.

The Measure of Success As A Preacher

Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands." Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword. - Exodus 17:8-12 I was watching a tribute to the late Evangelist Billy Graham on the one year anniversary of his passing at the age of 99 when I once again began to recall the few times in my life when our paths crossed and our lives touched. The first, was when I was visiting Houston Baptist College in the mid 1960's; the second was a few years later when I was attending Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and the third was in Denver Colorado where I attended a Billy Graham School of Evangelism. Each of those encounters was pivotal in my life. They were short and informal conversations from which I drew great encouragement. I am certain that for him those three occasion became lost in the thousands of other brief moments in his life but for me they have loomed larger than life. During that first three or four sentence conversation in which he asked me, "What do you plan do with your life?" I replied, :To be a preacher." Now, 54 years later, his response still rings within my heart and soul. I hear it as clearly today as I did that day . . . . "Then preach the Cross - stay with the gospel." The truth is we preachers have a responsibility to encourage young men called to preach. We need to encourage them to be true to the gospel and preach Christ Jesus. We need to ingrain within their soul the eternal truth that what the world needs and really wants is to see Jesus and know that in Him they can have their sins forgiven and their destiny assured. The second time, at SWBTS, the takeaway was drawn from the fact that as he was walking past a line of students in which I was standing he stopped abruptly, looked at me and said, "We've met before." The mere fact that as he was leaving he recognized me in that crowd and remembered meeting me somewhere previously. Again, I was lifted up and encouraged. As an aside, I also remember once when I was a newly arrived preacher in Beaumont, Texas and attending the Golden Triangle Baptist Association's annual Evangelism Conference that only a few of my new colleagues every spoke to me beyond, "Good to see you brother," as they made their way to someone else. Well, as the Lord would have it a dear friend, who at the time happened to be the Director of Evangelism for the Home Mission Board, Darrell Robinson was the principle preacher for the event. After he spoke and while prayer was being offered he stepped down from the platform and quietly came and sat down beside me. By that simple act he raised my presence among my new colleagues. Not only so but a handful of my Deacons who were in attendance as well. At the end of that evening program nearly every colleague want to speak to and with me. This is what great leaders do. If they by a word or an action can encourage and lift others then they speak that word or take that action. Now, in Darrell's case it was intentional but in Graham's case it was habit. Both of these men were encourager's to me and I suspect neither long remembered the words spoken or actions taken. I could go on and on naming the people who the Lord used to touch my ministry and shaped my life but my point is that what we have received we are to "Go thou and do likewise." Each of us is to be an encourager. Whether by design or by habit of life we can do for others what these two men did for me. None of these words or actions were a big deal to them but these small actions were a big deal to my life, my preaching and ministry in general. That brings me to another thought that is closely related. I know a lot of people who in the Christian realm (applies elsewhere too) were strong leaders in and of their own rights but never achieved that greatness that makes one's name synonymous with some achievement. Of these people, I have heard some critically say things like, "Oh, how sad they never reached their full potential." Or, "Isn't it sad, they had so much potential but never realized it." To that I have a couple of things to say. First, a word about "achieving greatness." I am pretty sure that is not the goal of the God called preacher. There are no illusions of greatness only a desire to faithfully preach the Gospel in the place where God places us. The measure of greatness before God is faithfulness in service. We must always remember that every Christian leader, especially His preachers, serves at the pleasure of the Lord. He calls them, equips them and assigns them a realm of service. Every person who answers that call and faithfully serves where assigned is already successful. They may not achieve greatness but after all they are servants of the Lord. I always wonder when people come away with more praise for the earthly leader than the Lord he proclaims. Sadly for far too many success is measured in worldly terms. We have still not moved too far from the old three "B's" of success, that is, buildings, budget and baptisms. We look at the size of the building in which they preach and the crowd numbers to whom they preach and how much money comes into the church coffers. By these standards clearly some are faring better than others. But keep in mind many a secular leader has done the same. The 3 "B's"" has always been the wrong standard of greatness and success for the body of Christ, . . . the church. Fortunately it is the Lord, not his people, who decide the standards of success and greatness. We forget that Jesus stated the standard of success by saying, "He who is faithful over little  will be made ruler over much." I remember a day when among preachers there was no hierarchy of authority, success etc. We were brothers in Christ called by the Lord to preach the same gospel and to do so wherever the Lord chose to place us. Too be sure some were deeper thinkers and others better orators but all had the same call and same measure of the Holy Spirit to accomplish what God assigned them individually. I remember hearing a Fort Worth pastor's reply to a young theological student who was being critical of churches made up of largely "high society" types. He said, "God calls some to minister to the 'up and out' and others to the 'down and out'. . . . clearly He has called you to later." There is an old gospel song that says, Brighten the Corner Were You Are." We remember that we are to do that by remember that Jesus is the light of the world so as Bill Graham admonished me 54 years ago, just preach Jesus. By worldly standard William Carey was a failure but by divine determination he without doubt heard upon entering Heaven, "Well done thou good and faithful servant." We seem to forget that regardless of the level of success by the "3 B's" unless you are in the place where God wants you doing the things He assigned you, . . . . .you have not succeeded. As ministers of the Gospel we are part of a team and we are not the leader of that team. We are literally a "Band of Brothers." As such we endeavor to encourage one another; we take opportunities to lift one another in prayer; we counsel one another; and we respect each other as our equal. Moses was the great man God had called and assigned the task of leading Israel out of Egyptian bondage. As that God called leader endeavoring that God assigned take he made both good and bad choices and was judged not by his peers and not by his people but by the God who called him and assigned him his task. So for 40 years he wandered in the wilderness with a rebellious bunch of God's people. However, Moses was not the only leader among the throngs of people. There were many. These included men like Hur, Joshua and Aaron. They were pivotal to Moses being able to successfully complete the assignment God assigned him. They did this by being faithful to the task to which God called them. A powerful example of what they did to insure that Moses and with him Israel's success was assured was when the Amalekites, a group of nomadic raiders, attacked Israel. You remember that while Joshua led the Israel's troops into battle Mosses, Hur and Aaron watched from a nearby hill. As they watched they noticed that as long as Moses had his hands raised the battle went favorably but as he wearied and let his hand drop the battle went against them. Seeing this Hur and Aaron responded by helping Moses keep his arms lifted. The came alongside and strengthened him for his task. As each was faithful to their tasks the victory was theirs. Faithfull over little  . . . to ruler over much."  Moses was the senior guy with the call to deliver Israel from Egypt and bring them to the promised land. Joshua, Hur and Aaron's task was to support Moses. Interestingly enough Moses was permitted to see the Promised Land but God selected Joshua to lead Israel to possess the land. All of us who have been called of the Lord to preach the Gospel are of equal standing before the Lord. Hopefully we are in the place that the Lord wants us. Let us, who are called of God to preach, be faithful where he places us to preach the gospel and not fall into Satan's trap that has already consumed so many by thinking that big equals success. As brothers in calling we should not be jealous of each other nor disparaging of each other. Instead we should encourage and pray for one another. And as I mention in the beginning it is little things we do and say that are more often than not pivotal to our lives. Jesus has said,  "Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life."

Should a Christian Leader’s Personal Salvation Story Be known?

Only this morning my wife and I were watching a religious broadcast in which a nationally prominent individual in the religious world was leading a throng of people in praise and worship. During the course of the broadcast, for some unknown reason, the thought occurred to me, “I have never heard that person’s salvation story.”  So I asked my wife, “Have you ever heard him tell how and when he became a Christian?”  After some thought she replied, “No, I can’t say that I have I have always just assumed he had one because of what he does.” I replied, “Well, I guess that is what I have done.”

It was this brief conversation that got me to thinking about the place of the personal salvation testimony in regard to our spiritual leaders. It is a given that we expect every person who seeks to lead the body of Christ in its every form to have a personal salvation experience that they can articulate as to the nature and occasion of that experience. However, what I found myself wondering was: How important is it that those who seek a place of leadership articulate that experience to those among whom they minister. Is doing that a part of the “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” (I Peter 3:15)

As I started to seek an answer to that question I began to reminisce about my journey as a Christian and Baptist pastor/preacher.  That in turn brought me to my interaction over the years with all the “Pulpit Committees” (early ministry) and “Pastor Search Committees” (later ministry). I suspect nearly every pastor/preacher who ever served on a church staff will relate to what I want to share.

However, before I talk about my experiences I want to say just a word about the terms “Pastor Search Committee” and “Pulpit Committee.”  I know that many people who lived through the transition from churches using a “pulpit Committee” to seek and recommend a preacher to their church to “Pastor Search Committee” see this nomenclature as merely a change in terminology.  However, I see a little more than a name change. I see an emphasis shift.

When I first began the group that was charged with finding a pastor for the church, especially Baptist churches,  when the pulpit was vacant was called a “Pulpit Committee.” This sentence is key to understanding the term “Pulpit Committee.” In the 1950-70s, the period of time of my early ministry, the pulpit represented the primacy of the preaching of the “Word of God” and the centrality of the Bible in everything the church did. Pastor’s were more frequently than not referred to as “Preachers” not “Pastors.”  As Preachers their primary responsibility was to “Give themselves to prayer and the Word of God” (Acts 6:4 “but we will give ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word”).  They were the sole arbiter of who would stand behind the pulpit, often called the “Sacred Desk.”

The pulpit carried the designation of a “Sacred Desk.” for several reasons. First it was where the preacher stood when he declared the Word of God to the people. That is the sacred nature of the gospel made the place where it was declared sacred as well. Perhaps not to the same degree but sacred none-the-less. This is drawn from the fact that at the return of Israel form bondage Ezra stood upon a “pulpit of wood” to read the Word of God to the people. The second reason was a reminder that it has been from behind this desk that the gospel has been preached and read since the foundation of a particular church. It represent s the continuity not of the preachers but the preaching of the Gospel in a church.

Baptists have traditionally placed it in the center of the platform to stress the centrality of the preaching of the Gospel. Others have what we sometimes call a split chancel to stress that the pulpit is for the reading of Scripture and preaching of the gospel and the other is lower in position and for the other speakers and singers in a service. The Pulpit here is the exclusive domain of the preaching and reading of the Word of God.

I have said all of this simply to give flesh to the phrase “Pulpit Committee.” The members of this

committee were primarily charged with seeking the individual they believed God had chosen to preach and teach the Word of God in their church. Hence they were calling not so much a pastor but a preacher.

So what happened to cause us to change the terminology. It is really quiet simple.  Churches were calling preachers when what they really wanted was a pastor. It was often expressed as “calling a preacher when what they wanted was a pastor. It was the recognition that churches generally want individuals who were adequate preachers but superb pastors.  Churches were moving ever so slowly away from the centrality of preaching and the Word of God to a Shepherd of the Flock emphasis. Hence the “Pulpit Committee” terminology has given way to the “Pastor Search Committee” terminology.

Now this has been happening for a long time. Both committees where seeking someone who could fulfill both rolls. Unfortunately no one person can fulfill both rolls at a high level. So the Pulpit Committee would seek someone who could preach well, i.e., a Preacher and was adequate as a Shepherd of the Flock. The Pastor Search Committee would seek someone who was a superb Pastor and an adequate Preacher.

This dichotomy has resulted in many a battle in the church when members begin to want more of one or the other emphasis and their preacher/pastor cannot provide but half the ticket. It is a rare individual who can excel at both. The real solution is to have a preacher to deliver the sermons and word of God and a pastor to care for the flock. This is often derailed by lack of funding.

Now, back to the Personal Salvation testimony. Whether it was a “Pulpit Committee” or a “Pastor Search Committee” every single one of those with whom I was involved started the same way. After a brief time of informal conversation and a prayer for the Lord’s leadership and the guidance of the Holy Spirit the Chairman of the committees would start with, “well preacher lets begin with you sharing your salvation experience with the committee.”

They assumed I was a Christian and they assumed I had experienced the new birth but they wanted to hear me tell about it. That was quickly followed by, “Tell us about your call to preach.” Later that would be broadened to “Tell us about your call to ministry.” I often asked this more contemporary question with, “Well, I can’t say I ever had a distinct call to ministry but I did have a definite call to preach and I am happy to tell you about that.” These two questions would invariably also be asked when I participated in an open question and answer session with the congregation prior to a vote on calling or not calling me to be the pastor of their church.

As I said in the opening paragraphs, I have never heard or read the salvation testimonies of many of our contemporary church leaders. I am not suggesting that they do not have one but I am suggesting that if they are going to lead us in our worship of the Lord we ought to at least know something about the conversion, new birth, becoming a Christian or salvation of those leading us. It would be encouraging; it would be inspiring; it would be instructional; and yes, it would be reassuring as well.

The Sadness of Some During the Christmas Season

I have seen a lot of postings on FB about families facing Christmas having lost loved ones this year or after many years of marriage. Most are rather dark in nature speaking of the emptiness one feels as they remember Christmases past with those same loved ones and to be sure there is an emptiness that only those who have suffered such loss can know.

Let me begin by confessing that this past Monday morning for the first time in my life my brain was addled and I just couldn’t think. I found myself in that state because my wife of 52 years collapsed as a result of Hyponatremia and both she and I believed she was dying (later at the emergency room of Baptist Hospital) the doctor said in response to my telling him of that fear, “Well, she was.”  I mention this simply to say, it appeared to me that the end of our journey in this life was at hand and it was like a knife being plunged into my soul. She has been my greatest love since the day we met as teenagers in mid 1960's and it seemed as though my very reason for being was leaving.  I tell you this so that you will know why I believe I now have a better appreciation for what those who have lost loved ones experience during family oriented holiday like Christmas.

I am in no way suggesting that we deny those feelings but I do want to suggest that we turn them in a positive direction. To that end I want to offer a few suggestions that might help make the holidays a little brighter for those who miss their loved ones who now reside in heaven.

The first suggestion I learned from Dr. Charles Stanley as he spoke of a practice he adopted when he was spending his first Christmas alone after he and his wife of many years had separated. He spoke of how a wave of aloneness swept over him and he just didn’t want to celebrate what had long been his favorite holiday, Christmas. In response, he sort of shook himself and decided to take some kind of action. So, he sat at the phone and called a friend to wish them Merry Christmas. It felt so good he called another and then another and soon he was feeling better and the spirit of Christmas returned. By the way, this became an annual habit for him.

Here’s what he did. In the depth of his aloneness he turned his thoughts off of his own circumstances and feelings to those of other people. Some close friends and some just acquaintances.  The first call was hard but with each succeeding call it became easier and easier. You do not have to do this but I encourage you to find a way to turn your thoughts away from your own feelings of aloneness toward doing something for someone else.

I also would suggest that we remind ourselves that our loved one is not lost to us. As Christians we know where they are. They are with the Lord. Here is a thought for you to consider: We are both walking with the Lord . . . . we in this world as he holds our hand and walks with us and they in heaven as he does the same with them there. Both we and they are walking with the Lord and thus still walking with each other.  This is why I never speak of my parents in the past tense they are not lost nor have they ceased to be . . . .They just are not here physically.

There is a sense in which their presence is felt at every family gather, such as at Christmas. Oh we don’t save them a chair or set them a place at the table . . . . that would be morbid and maybe a little sick. But though unseen, I feel their presence and in my heart and mind I can see them laughing and singing and whatever along with us. Here is the point, as Christians we may not have all the answers but we do have the promise of the Lord that those who are in Christ never die. I know where they are and slowly but with certainty I am completing the journey God sent me on and making my way to them.

I think I mentioned that I never speak of my deceased loved ones in the past tense. The reason is that they have not passed they have just changed locations. I know where their body is and I know where they are. For that reason and others I try to bring them into the present celebration of Christmas. I do this by making them the topic of some of our conversation. I mention what they loved about the holiday and things they did during holidays. Try keeping a tradition they loved. Perhaps something as simple as reading the Christmas story at a family Christmas gathering. My point, bring them into today's celebration. They are not dead . . . . they have simply gone before you . . . . in God's time you'll see them again.

Finally, focus on the celebration. As the hymn famously says, “God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay, remember Christ your Savior was born on Christmas Day.”  Focus on the fact that the events celebrated during the Christmas season is what gives us hope for a happy reunion with that person for whom our heart aches today. What began on Christmas day with the birth of Jesus the Christ, the Son of the Living God, is what makes the pain we feel bearable.

This season, especially, should lift our spirits because it assures us that there will be a happy reunion day for those of us who love God and are called according to His purposes.  We need to stop seeking the living among the dead and look anew each day into the face of him who saved us by His grace . . . even our Lord Jesus.  Our loved ones may not be here but they are not lost to us. They live in our hearts, minds and one day again in our presence as we experience what they already know, namely, what it means to dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I understand that the feelings of loss and aloneness will linger as they should. Those who have loved deeply and for a long time will always have moments when we feel that aloneness and loss acutely. But as time passes the hope of glory grows stronger and the intensity of the feelings of loss soften.

I learned early in life that happiness like so many other things in our lives is the product of a choice made. I can be freed by the grace of God or I can be a slave to my fears and feelings. . . . . . the choice is mine.  I choose to celebrate at Christmas because I know that one day . . . . .

There will be a happy meeting in Heaven, I know
When we see the many loved ones we've known here below
Gathered on that blessed hilltop with hearts all aglow
That will be a glad reunion day.

A glad day, a wonderful day
Glad day, a glorious day
There with all the holy angels and loved ones to stay
That will be a glad reunion day.

When we live a million years in that wonderful place
Basking in the love of Jesus, beholding His face
It will seem but just a moment of praising God's grace
That will be a glad reunion day.

Story Telling and Your Business

I recently was looking at a photo on Facebook posted by a friend attending a conference in Nevis dealing with the use of social media. I recognized the presenter as someone I knew and with whom I once worked. Wondering about their presentation I notice in the photo that they were using an overhead and the slide on the screen  had a quote that read: "Good content isn't about good story telling. It is about telling a true story well."

Though I do not have any context for the statement it did spark my thinking about the value of good content versus good storytelling. I believe that no matter how good your content if you do not communicate it well then what does the content matter.  It seems to me to be a bit like the chicken and the egg and which came first riddle. I rather suspect that in business the content is developed first and then incorporated in the story that will best communicate it to a particular office.

Truth is, we have been telling stories since the beginning of time. In fact we began to be enamored with stories and telling stories since the day we were born. Who doesn't remember the little jingle, "Tel me a story, tell be a story so I can go to sleep." I always wondered if that meant tell me a story to "put" me to sleep or a lament to the fact that without a story being told I cannot go to sleep.  I suppose both have been true at one time or another . . .  but I digress.

We have all sat through workshops, seminars, webinars, general sessions where we found ourselves counting the holes in the acoustical tiles on the ceiling or fighting off sleep.  It is a laborious thing to try and absorb even the best information if it is not communicated well. So good story telling just that telling your story, whatever it is, well. This applies to your 30 second elevator speech, to small group presentations and large gathered audiences.

Ever heard it said of someone, "He could sell a used car to a used car salesman?" That is just another way of saying they tell their story well.  Not everyone is a "Natural" when it comes to telling their story but anyone can learn to tell their story well.

So what does storytelling have to do with your business? Everything! If you can’t properly convey a story then your products are not going to appeal to your audience. Story telling is perhaps the most powerful elements in good communication. After all, even Jesus spoke to his disciples in parables (a kind of story telling). You must sell your vision or product and to do that it must be presented in a way that someone who has no idea what that vision or product is will come to embrace it.

So, the question is not whether to use storytelling as a sales tool but what kind of story are you going to use. I hope a good one. However, I have been around long enough to know that very few people know how to tell a good story . . . .  An effective story.

I have been digitizing sermons the I preached in the early years of my ministry. As I listened to these long forgotten sermons I thought, “Wow, did people actually listened to these or did they just endure or sleep through them. I told my wife, “You know I believe I am a much better preacher now than I was then.” She replied, "I know you are.”

I have been using storytelling for many years to communicate with my audiences and along the way I have learned through training and "trial and error" what makes for a good and effective story.  For every story told well there are a dozen upon which it stands that were not so well told.

So,  what makes a good story? What are the common elements of good storytelling? Here are a few things I believe you will find in every good presentation (story).

First and foremost . . . . keep it simple.  Good stories are easy to understand. Good stories are told in a style and language that matches the way the intended audience communicates. This keeps them from using their time interpreting what you say before they absorb your message, i.e., what you said.

Simplicity also aides in memorability. Your overall message needs to be easily grasped in summary not details. I suggest that in telling your story you utilize what have been called the “5 C’s.” These 5 C’s will go a long way to helping you create a fascinating story that will hold your audience’s interest.  They are: Circumstance (Set the scene for the story), Curiosity (create a hunger to hear more), Characters (Put people in your story), Conversation (have your characters speaking) and Conflict (No story is very compelling without conflict).

Second, appeal to the emotions of your audience.  If you did not cry when in the movie “The Notebook” Noah and Allie die holding hands, I have one question, what’s wrong with you? Every good story involves the whole brain not just the cognitive side of the brain. Good stories always include the emotive side of the brain as well as the cognitive.Good storytelling requires an emotional component. Most of the memorable ones have humor, pain or joy (sometimes all three). You can do this by using the senses. Help your listener feel, hear, and tastes the sights and sounds of your story. Use what I call the Big Four: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Olfactory. With these four elements in your story, you’re likely to draw in and lock down your audience.

But don’t over use the emotional component. Be sure to include the facts Truth is, however, if every story were simply facts stated, one after another, most of us wouldn't listen or remember any of it.  None of the facts and figures matter until you have some sort of emotional connection with your audience. Always save the facts for after an emotional connection has been made.

Third, be authentic and real . . . . insofar as you believe in what you're saying and are honest with yourself and your audience. This doesn’t mean that every element of your story has to your own experience but it does mean that when you use a created story or someone else’s experience you introduce that fact to your audience.

Another technique I like is to start my story in the middle of the story. Far too often storytellers/marketers give way too much detail up-front by putting everything in chronological order.  They leave the exciting stuff to later only to find that their audience has gone to sleep and cannot be awakened.  Don’t put the “AH-HA” moment so deep into your story that your audience gets synced into their Twitter or Facebook feeds. Worse yet, some may already be in the dreamland of their REM sleep.

If you are anything like me your attention span is about as long as an inch-worm. So, snap out of it and get your audience into your story by starting in the middle, where things are exciting and the story is much more interesting.”

The best stories are first-hand experiences that the storyteller actually witnessed. Even if it's a story that's passed on generationally, an effective one still has an element of how that story relates directly to the teller, told in the teller's own words. But be careful not to go into braggadocio mode. It is alright to mention your many accomplishment and successes but honestly not many people in your audience will relate. So minimize the bragging and instead talk about what you tried that didn’t work. As John Bates says, “People don’t connect with your successes, they connect with your messes,. . . . .Your message is in your mess.” Remember, as humans we relate to failures because we are all flawed.

Finally, regardless of the audience size, a good story works for any audience.  I have preached the same sermon to a handful of people and to a large auditorium filled with people and in both cases watched them hang on every word.  One to one-million . . . the concern is not how many people can hear it but that someone, somewhere is listened to it and actually hard it.

Now That I Am A Man of Liesure

I was recently asked (about six months after stepping down as a CCRA Regional Director) if I missed anything about that job now that I was six months out from it. The short answer is of course I miss some things about that job. I have missed something about everything I have ever done as I transitioned from one career aspect to another.

Me preaching 1974

I have never considered myself to be anything other than a "preacher of the Gospel."  Everything else has been an avocation.

So, I want to start this conversation by giving you some background information.  To begin with you need to know how I came to be involved in the travel industry in the first place.  I never started out or even considered a career in travel. However, life, as it often does gets in the way of living. After preaching for more than more than 40 years and pastoring four Baptist Churches for most of those years (Same as the earthly ministry of Jesus) I was forced to make a major life change.

The principle reason for that change was a massive heart attack which the doctors said damaged more than a third of my heart muscle. Doctors were clear that I had to (1) take time to recover and (2) find something to do that is less stressful than being a Baptist pastor.  As things turned out they were wrong about the amount of heart damage but they were absolutely on target with the stress analysis.

As I reflected on this I wondered what I could do that I would enjoy and find some level of significance from doing that at the same time not be stressful in the same way as being a Baptist pastor.  I realized that much of my stress I experience came from within. I discovered that I was assimilating the weight of other people’s issues.  It became important to me to find I something I could do and at the same time have a sense of joy, fulfillment and significance without the stress level of being a pastor.

I have to be honest and say that there is nothing that I enjoyed more than preaching and teaching. People tell me I was gifted on both counts. I was also pretty good at growing churches. With the exception of the very first church I served every church I served grew and did so at a rate that required expanding the facilities to accommodate the need.

With all this in mind I started looking for something within my ministry years that I could cherry pick as a career outside of the normal structure of “the church.”  Truth is, religious ministry affords a number of career paths outside the ministry itself. In fact, some of the best Life Coaches, Leadership Trainers, Fund Raisers etc. are former ministers.

It occurred to me that I had been participating in and later leading a large segment of the Texas Baptist Partnership Mission with Australia.  Starting in 1985 and terminating in 2000 I had worked with Bill Grey and later Don Sewell of the BGCT as well as Terry Denton and Beverly Berens of Main Street Travel in Fort Worth to plan these trips.  It was through that process I had been able to get an inside view of what a travel agent does. I saw how they put together travel for hundreds of people on the same trip. 

But what I caught from Terry and Beverly was how they related to the clients (my team members) . . . . it was always personal. By personal I mean that while the “nuts and bolts” of the trip had to have a high priority it was the relationship they maintained with my team members that lasted. They seemed to see themselves not just as facilitators of our projects but as team members with us.  I thought . . . . . this is not unlike what I did was a minster . . . . . this I can do without completely retooling.

OSSN Directors on Solstice

I had already formed a DBA (2002) called Texas Cruise and Travel to work on these and other mission projects for which I managed the “nuts and bolts” myself. It just seemed travel was the next natural step in my life.  Being something of an academic at heart I realized that a lot of my theological training could be applied to the travel industry but I felt I needed more.  So, I bought Kelly Monaghan’s course and consumed its content.  I also knew I needed a seller of travel enumeration number. At the time there was IATA and CLIA and I selected CLIA because I did not intend to sell air apart from packaged travel. Still something was missing.

Then it occurred to me. I need to associate with people who are doing what I an trying to do. As a pastor I had a monthly pastor’s meeting and other collegiality meetings that help keep me centered.  As I looked around for something similar in travel I began hitting a brick wall. So I began participating in travel bulletin boards (remember those) and other online avenues. I checked out some organizations (joined one which turned out to be a scam) but didn’t find anything that seemed to meet my needs.

OSSN Banner

Then I came across a reference to an outfit called OSSN (Outside Sales Support Network) and thought, “This is it.” So I joined for a nominal fee only knowing that they had a chapter in Houston and that was near enough for me to attend if I could locate it.  Apparently Kelly Chiasano sent Jeff Grieder my information and he sent me and email and gave me a call.

The next month I attended my very first OSSN Chapter meeting where I found the members engaging and Jeff warm and approachable. I was a happy camper just being a member of that Chapter. Jeff and others in the Chapter became not only colleagues but friends. Each month we had an interesting supplier presenter but the main attraction for me was developing relationships with colleagues and supplier BDM’s. These people, unbeknown to them, taught me a lot about being a good Travel Agent.

It was while a member of the Houston OSSN Chapter that I had my heart attack aboard a Carnival Cruise Ship.  Jeff and I were meeting with Carnival sales people that day. I thought if I die today at least my last meal was terrific ---- Tiger Shrimp and Prime Rib.  Shortly after that I am getting serious about the travel business I had originally created as a vehicle for Christian mission projects.

In 2005 I moved to Dripping Springs, Texas located just SW of Austin. I wanted to connect with the Austin OSSN Chapter but had no luck. So I emailed Jeff and in a few days I received a call from Gary Fee offering me the Director position for the Chapter in Austin. I accepted and thus began my journey with OSSN. In less than a year we grew from “0”attending to an average of about 18. This immersed me deeply into OSSN until I relocated to Port Neches, Texas. Moving meant I had to give up the Austin Chapter. 

Being in Port Neches put me back in the Houston Chapter as a member but the two hour drive made a meeting attendance on a regular basis difficult.  However, the chapter meeting were important enough to me that I tried to make as many as possible. Wasn’t long and Jeff stepped down as the Houston Chapter Director and OSSN Midwest Regional Manager. Apparently he recommended me as Chapter Director but Gary and I both agreed that the distance would be a major handicap and so I passed it up. Later Gary called and asked me to consider the Midwest Regional Director position. I did and served as such until 2017 right on through the purchase of OSSN by CCRA. In November 2017 I stepped down as the Midwest Regional Director for CCRA.

Now, fast forward six months . . . . It was sometime in May that I was asked if I missed anything
about that job now that I was six months out from it.  I suppose I would have said, "No" had it not just seen a photo of a group of Chapter Directors meeting up at an event. It reminded me that there was something I missed about being an OSSN/CCRA Chapter Director and Regional. I really wish I could either say, "I miss everything about it" or "I don't miss a thing," but that just wouldn't be truth. There are some things I do miss and there are some things I happy to not miss.

The truth is, there is very little that can be done to make someone successful in this business (Travel Agent) by offering products and training. I remember Jack MacGorman telling me back in the late 1960's that I would learn more Greek by just doing a little translation each day than I would in three years of classroom studies. He was right. That is also true of being a successful Travel Agent. 

Products are but tools designed to make certain tasks easier. Like any profession there are some basic tools that everyone must use and like other professions there are a variety of brands for those tools. Whatever brand chosen the tool still must be used to be beneficial. I'd also suggest that when it comes to tools you adopt the mantra, "Be not the first by who the new is tried nor the last to lay the old aside." I might add, "Don't buy tools you really don't need."

As an OSSN/CCRA Director I could put members in touch with valuable and tested tools designed to make them more efficient and profitable. I could do the same for Directors. When they accepted them, used them and prospered with them I felt a sense of satisfaction and validation. But I never came to the place where I thought we had the only tools or even the best tools.

I could also, in some cases cut through the gate keepers and put them in touch with supplier reps and others who would help them. I also often had a voice in industry issues. Being a Chapter Director and then a Regional Director opened doors for me in the industry that might otherwise remained closed.

However, that satisfaction and validation was very short lived. No, I don't miss any of that. In fact, there are some aspects of it I am glad I don't have to deal with any longer and those now involved don't need me to elaborate on those. . . . they probably already know.

What I miss is the comradery and collegiality with other Directors and members of our many

Austin OSSN Chapter 2007

Chapters both large and small. It was the comradery and collegiality with other Directors that kept me in the game for so many years and that is precisely what I miss. — I miss the interaction with leaders in the home based travel industry such as Keith Powell, Patricia Bannister, Anita Pagliasso, Hema Khan,  Melody Fee and Gary Fee.

I owe Gary and Melody for my time on the stage in the travel industry. They got the ball rolling for me when others were not quiet so sure. I also missed the direct relationship with our allied suppliers and the travel agents from across the country. Truth is I also miss most of the folks at CCRA Corporate.

I need to add that I really do miss being on the cutting edge of making things happen in what next to the Gospel Ministry was one of the most rewarding things in which I have been privileged to be involved. There is a kind of adrenalin rush that comes with building something or taking something to the next level. I have been blessed to be a part of that in two arenas and for that I am thankful

Much of the above has appeared elsewhere in public print. However, recently a “Like” on a Facebook posting helped bring this whole OSSN/CCRA thing into sharp focus.  That posting coupled with the fact that at the time I was sorting and filing emails and notes helped me understand why it just wasn’t fun for me anymore. As I reviewed these emails and notes I was struck by something I might characterize as promises made, promises kept, and promises broken. I know, that sounds like a sermon outline. Well it could be.

Don’t misunderstand what I am about to say. Although I am not a Director at any level any longer with CCRA I am still a member.  But honesty demands that we acknowledge that the bringing together two corporate families is never without its challenges. The question is not are there challenges but how are those challenges met. I saw a lot of good people come and go for a wide variety of reasons. I have already explained how I became a part of all this and now I’ll tell you why, from my perspective, I left.

My CCRA Badge

I remember sitting with Dic Marxen in his suite at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas as we awaited the arrival of the other Regional Managers (later called Directors) and him asking me, among other things, how long I planned on staying with CCRA as a Regional Manager. My reply was, “I’ll stay as long as it continues to be fun and you’ll have me.  When it stops being fun I’ll stop doing it and you’ll be the first one I tell.” Well, little by little for me it ceased to be fun.  That is, was and always will be my answer. The day to day joy and excitement was gone. I was sitting in my suite aboard the MSC Divina on a post Trade Show cruise when I told my wife that when we get home I'm going to step down from my Director position. Ironically she said to me, "Good, I could tell you weren't enjoying it like you used to do."

So I guess since I am no longer there the question becomes, “When did it stop being fun?”  The answer is not really that complex.  It did not stop being fun because of structural changes even though I sensed early that core values and heartbeat of OSSN were slowly being eroded.  It was not even the added stress brought on by the clumsy beginning we had bringing the two cultures together and finding leadership. It had nothing to do with the ever changing efforts to monetizing the associational aspect over the development of the collegiality and networking aspects and to incentivize Chapter Directors. Truth is others will have to judge the positive and negative effects these things had. Oh, I have my views but they shall remain just that MY views.  It was simply a relationship issue and the frustration of not being able to function properly because of the micromanagement and that things were left hanging for long periods of time without resolution. Let's just leave it at: "Me and my immediate Director just did not make a good combination. "

Personally, I don’t think the associational aspect of OSSN was very high on the priority list in the beginning. I believe that the associational aspect was and has been kept largely to support and leverage the TRUE seller of travel coding system owned by OSSN at the time of the CCRA purchase. That coding system was the key to the purchase. No other Travel Agent group can offer that.

For me, and keep in mind that all Regional Directors had their own reasons for staying around after the merger, the reasons for staying was to support friends Gary & Melody Fee during the transition period; to help shape the future of the associational element of OSSN inside the CCRA structure; to maintain a personal industry standing and visibility; but mostly I stayed around because I enjoyed it - it was personally satisfying. There was never any “real” money in it for me and so money played no part in my decision to stay on after the buyout or to eventually leave. 

For me, the fun going out was the result of a personality issue that was not going to improve with time. As an organization, I can, without reservation, recommend CCRA to independent travel agents. I have always and still do believe that CCRA membership is well worth the membership fees. Additionally most of the staff has evolved in their understanding of the leisure side of the travel industry. I am grateful to Dic Marxen and Peter Pincus for allowing me to be a part of the transition. It didn’t evolve as I may have hoped but right now it is the best thing out there for the independent travel agent.