Wedding & Funerals: Honorarium or Fee

As a Baptist preacher I have officiated a lot of weddings and funerals since I first started back in the 1960's. As a now retired Baptist preacher I still officiate a lot of weddings and funerals. The difference is that now it is usually it is wedding of the grandchildren of former parishioners who want the guy that married Mom and Dad to do their wedding as well. Funerals are now largely for good friends.

One thing that is constant is the confusion people have over whether or not you should pay the preacher for these services. It was clear for me that when it came to members of the church where I preached these functions were a part on my ministry to the congregation. However, when a preacher is invited to participate in such things for people outside the congregation there should be some sort of financial consideration. 

Please take note that I said, “Clear for me.” I do not hold anyone else to my conscience on this matter.  I must, however, point out that when I was active in the pastorate I was frequently asked if I charged for things like weddings and funerals. Truth be told I still get that question from time to time.

I need to point out that there are two schools of thought on “paying the preacher.” There is the fee for service wherein people are paying a fixed fee for a specific service just like they would at the Justice of the Peace. Some churches even codify this in their operations and personnel manuals. Then there is the “honorarium” method. This is a gift of an amount given in appreciation and gratitude for the time and energy the minister puts into the service. The amount is chosen by the person doing the giving.  These are the two basic approaches to “paying the preacher” for officiating the service.

When I was asked about this I always replied, "I have no fee schedule for these things. I see them as a part of my ministry." People would usually then ask something like, "well what about people who are not members of your church?" The answer was the same, "I have no fee schedule for these things. I see them as a part of my ministry."

Then they would often ask, "Well, do you accept honorariums for wedding and funerals?" I always responded, "Well, if someone wants to give something I am thankful for the thoughtfulness and happy to accept it."  (Personally, I never even looked to see the amount until after everyone was gone.) 

This would usually be followed by the question they really wanted to ask, "How much do most people give as an honorarium?"  In the case of weddings I'd often look at the groom and jokingly say, "Well, what is she worth to you?"  The quick witted ones would always say, "I can't afford that much." Regarding funerals I unusually did not need to say anything because the funeral home personnel handling the service usually took the initiative on this with the family as a part of their service planning.

The truth is everyone who asks this question genuinely want to give an appropriate honorarium. On this I could always tell them that from time to time there have been unusually large and exceptionally small amounts but the average usually was within a range of . . . .

I know, I know, now your curious about the range of the honorarium. The truth is when it comes  to an honorarium the amounts ranged from a low of nothing to a high of in excess of $1000 and in every case the amount was always within the range of a persons ability to give.  You see, as an honorarium the amount is determined by the giver and therefore rarely arbitrary. As to an average amount of the wedding honorariums I’d guess the ran about $200 and for funerals about $100.

For me an honorarium, whether received or given, was never a matter of amount. I expected people to stay within their means and budget. For me it has always about thoughtfulness and appreciation.

Now, just because I did not have a fee schedule does not mean that people who do have set fees are somehow less honorable than those of us who do not. There is no moral rule on this subject and there are strong arguments for both.  For me the honorarium just fits better with my sense of ministry and was compatible with my conscience.  I do not impose my conscience on others in this matter.

Have I ever not received an honorarium for a wedding or funeral or some other service? Yep. It has happened. There have been a few cases where I drove hundreds of miles to do a funeral for the family of a former church member and all the cost came out of my pocket. But that, for me was OK. Like I said I see this as ministry. I must also quickly say this was the rare exception. It has happened for weddings as well. I have even been known to give the groom back his money because I knew his finances were very tight. Like I said, it is all about the thoughtfulness and the gratitude not the amount.

So what’s my advise? If there is no fee schedule I suggest that you consider all the elements involved in providing this service, whether it be a wedding or a funeral, and determine in your own mind the amount of an honorarium you can give with a cheerful heart. I can assure you it will be grateful received with equal joy.