The Sadness of Some During the Christmas Season

I have seen a lot of postings on FB about families facing Christmas having lost loved ones this year or after many years of marriage. Most are rather dark in nature speaking of the emptiness one feels as they remember Christmases past with those same loved ones and to be sure there is an emptiness that only those who have suffered such loss can know.

Let me begin by confessing that this past Monday morning for the first time in my life my brain was addled and I just couldn’t think. I found myself in that state because my wife of 52 years collapsed as a result of Hyponatremia and both she and I believed she was dying (later at the emergency room of Baptist Hospital) the doctor said in response to my telling him of that fear, “Well, she was.”  I mention this simply to say, it appeared to me that the end of our journey in this life was at hand and it was like a knife being plunged into my soul. She has been my greatest love since the day we met as teenagers in mid 1960's and it seemed as though my very reason for being was leaving.  I tell you this so that you will know why I believe I now have a better appreciation for what those who have lost loved ones experience during family oriented holiday like Christmas.

I am in no way suggesting that we deny those feelings but I do want to suggest that we turn them in a positive direction. To that end I want to offer a few suggestions that might help make the holidays a little brighter for those who miss their loved ones who now reside in heaven.

The first suggestion I learned from Dr. Charles Stanley as he spoke of a practice he adopted when he was spending his first Christmas alone after he and his wife of many years had separated. He spoke of how a wave of aloneness swept over him and he just didn’t want to celebrate what had long been his favorite holiday, Christmas. In response, he sort of shook himself and decided to take some kind of action. So, he sat at the phone and called a friend to wish them Merry Christmas. It felt so good he called another and then another and soon he was feeling better and the spirit of Christmas returned. By the way, this became an annual habit for him.

Here’s what he did. In the depth of his aloneness he turned his thoughts off of his own circumstances and feelings to those of other people. Some close friends and some just acquaintances.  The first call was hard but with each succeeding call it became easier and easier. You do not have to do this but I encourage you to find a way to turn your thoughts away from your own feelings of aloneness toward doing something for someone else.

I also would suggest that we remind ourselves that our loved one is not lost to us. As Christians we know where they are. They are with the Lord. Here is a thought for you to consider: We are both walking with the Lord . . . . we in this world as he holds our hand and walks with us and they in heaven as he does the same with them there. Both we and they are walking with the Lord and thus still walking with each other.  This is why I never speak of my parents in the past tense they are not lost nor have they ceased to be . . . .They just are not here physically.

There is a sense in which their presence is felt at every family gather, such as at Christmas. Oh we don’t save them a chair or set them a place at the table . . . . that would be morbid and maybe a little sick. But though unseen, I feel their presence and in my heart and mind I can see them laughing and singing and whatever along with us. Here is the point, as Christians we may not have all the answers but we do have the promise of the Lord that those who are in Christ never die. I know where they are and slowly but with certainty I am completing the journey God sent me on and making my way to them.

I think I mentioned that I never speak of my deceased loved ones in the past tense. The reason is that they have not passed they have just changed locations. I know where their body is and I know where they are. For that reason and others I try to bring them into the present celebration of Christmas. I do this by making them the topic of some of our conversation. I mention what they loved about the holiday and things they did during holidays. Try keeping a tradition they loved. Perhaps something as simple as reading the Christmas story at a family Christmas gathering. My point, bring them into today's celebration. They are not dead . . . . they have simply gone before you . . . . in God's time you'll see them again.

Finally, focus on the celebration. As the hymn famously says, “God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay, remember Christ your Savior was born on Christmas Day.”  Focus on the fact that the events celebrated during the Christmas season is what gives us hope for a happy reunion with that person for whom our heart aches today. What began on Christmas day with the birth of Jesus the Christ, the Son of the Living God, is what makes the pain we feel bearable.

This season, especially, should lift our spirits because it assures us that there will be a happy reunion day for those of us who love God and are called according to His purposes.  We need to stop seeking the living among the dead and look anew each day into the face of him who saved us by His grace . . . even our Lord Jesus.  Our loved ones may not be here but they are not lost to us. They live in our hearts, minds and one day again in our presence as we experience what they already know, namely, what it means to dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I understand that the feelings of loss and aloneness will linger as they should. Those who have loved deeply and for a long time will always have moments when we feel that aloneness and loss acutely. But as time passes the hope of glory grows stronger and the intensity of the feelings of loss soften.

I learned early in life that happiness like so many other things in our lives is the product of a choice made. I can be freed by the grace of God or I can be a slave to my fears and feelings. . . . . . the choice is mine.  I choose to celebrate at Christmas because I know that one day . . . . .

There will be a happy meeting in Heaven, I know
When we see the many loved ones we've known here below
Gathered on that blessed hilltop with hearts all aglow
That will be a glad reunion day.

A glad day, a wonderful day
Glad day, a glorious day
There with all the holy angels and loved ones to stay
That will be a glad reunion day.

When we live a million years in that wonderful place
Basking in the love of Jesus, beholding His face
It will seem but just a moment of praising God's grace
That will be a glad reunion day.