Facing Our Personal Rubicon

I often write on social media and other places about my life experiences. Frequently that writing focuses on lessons learned from the life experience Susan and I shared over 55 years of marriage and sixty years of knowing one another. As Scripture says, “We speak of what we know, and bear witness to what we have seen.”

We all have our Rubicon's. All of life’s experiences are important and significant to our journey in life but some are pivotal.  The first major crossing of the Rubicon in our life took place on December 23, 1966, when before God and His people Susan and I committed ourselves to each other to love, honor cherish and care for one another. We committed ourselves to face the world for the rest of our life as husband and wife. That decision changed our lives forever.  Today I want to tell you about another "crossing the Rubicon for us. 

I think that one of the best things Susan and I ever did was move to Ft. Worth in Fall of 1969. We didn’t know a soul there, I didn’t have a job, we had a 3-month-old baby and when we got there, we learned we didn't have a place to live. 

My mom thought we were making a mistake. My Dad said to her, maybe so but they have got to learn. I don’t think a single person understood why we were stepping out where there seemed to be nowhere to step. 

But there we were, pulling out of the parking lot at the Southmore Apartments . . . our home since 1966.  Our car and U-Haul truck loaded with all our worldly goods. Family and friends were there to see us off. I have often wondered about the conversations as they watched us drive out of sight. 

This was our “crossing Jordan” moment. You will recall that the waters of Jordan did not part until the sole of the priest foot touch the brim of the waters of Jordan. Everything hinged on the priest’s faith in God’s promise. Ironically, perhaps because we were young and had an unbelievable faith that what we were doing was the Lord’s will for us that we had no anxiety. 

I remember someone whispering in the crowd, “I don’t think they know the seriousness of what they are doing.” Well, we probably didn’t understand everything at the time. We just believed it was God’s will for us and while we didn’t know how it was going to work out, we believed God already had it worked out. Many are called but few are chosen but when you are one of the chosen, I can tell you God has your back. 

Why was that decision so pivotal? Well, first we had to do it together and had nowhere or anyone to run to if it didn’t work out like we believed it would. Second it strengthened our faith in God as week by week He met our needs in ways that literally astounded us. We really had no choice but to trust Him for our needs. We never asked for help but help always came when we needed it and it started our first day in Ft. Worth. Third, it was there that our mantra “Stronger Together” was born as we learned how to support and help each other. 

We were simple minded enough to just believe that “we were more than conquerors in Christ Jesus.” We thought, “if we committed to doing God’s will in our marriage then God would bless our union. If we were committed to His calling on our lives, He would enable us in that effort. Love may find a way, but God provides a way. We frequently reminded ourselves of this by looking at each other and one of us would either repeat our mantra or say, “Honey, me, you and the Lord have this.”

If you're going to learn how to fly you’ve got to get out of the nest. The momma bird knows that and when it’s time to fly she bumps her babies out of the nest. Life is filled with risk, uncertainty and danger but if you're going to fly you have to take the leap. We learned to “Delight ourselves in the Lord” and as He promised He “directed our path.”  You can be everything God created you to be if you just trust him to take what you are and mold you into what He knows you can be. 

All I can say is, and I say it from personal experience with Him, “Our God is an awesome God; He reigns from heaven above, with wisdom, power, and love; Our God is an awesome God!”  Bill & Gloria Bill Gaither along with Greg Nelson wrote the words but they are the testimony of Susan and me. We are so blessed by the gifts from your hand. We just can't understand why you've loved us so much. We are so blessed, and we just can't find a way or the words that can say, "Thank you Lord for your touch."

With Robert Frost I say . . . . 

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

God Often Supplies Our Need from Places and in Ways We Would Never Consider

Since the power was out and church services were canceled, I have been thinking about how God has worked in my life since my dear wife Susan died two years ago. Her absence has brought great pain to my life. So, I am posting this as a word of testimony and praise. 

Percy Sledge recorded his R&B hit, When A Man Loves A Woman in 1966 the same year Susan and I married. In 2017 Sissel recorded a version that captures my feelings. I urge you to give it a listen. Better yet do it with the one you love.

When a Man Loves A Woman isn’t just about the intoxicating, all-consuming power of love though it is certainly that. Love is the most basic need of all. The desire to want and feel wanted . . . loved is a universal need put in the soul of man by God. Only God’s love and love for God can fill that need perfectly. But a man and a woman created in the image and after the nature of God has a built-in desire to be loved and to be loved deeply. This song expresses something of that.

But When a Man Loves a Woman also warns us to know what we’re getting ourselves into when we love . . . especially when we love with the love of God. The song positively beams with emotion and celebrates just how far gone we can get in our beloved. It also acknowledges the high stakes of the situation. There is nothing to compare in this world with the feeling of deeply held, intensely felt and longtime love. Granted, separation of any kind and especially death may be the end of many things in this world . . . but it certainly is not the end . . . but, at the time, it sure feels like it. So, when the earthly love of our life is no longer present the inward pain is almost unbearable.

Shifting gears just a little. I am a fortunate, no, I am a blessed man to have had a wife who possessed an uncanny ability to put people at ease. I cite one example of what I mean. Several years ago, I was a member of a panel discussing and answering questions about the advantages of having preferred suppliers and how to obtain cooperative funding & support from them. Prior to going to that panel Susan and I had been visiting with the CEO of a major travel industry “Back of the Office” company. 

As the three of us sat in the lobby of the hotel a runner came to get me for my panel. Susan started to go with me when our friend said, “Susan, why don’t you stay here while he does his thing. You’ve heard all that stuff before.” He was right and she took advantage of the opportunity to skip a meeting. Long story short, I finished my presentation and Q&A session and rejoined them where I left them in the hotel lobby. 

I said all that to provide a context for what my friend said as we left to get some lunch. I paraphrase now but what he essentially said to me was, “You have quiet the treasure in your wife.” I wisely and readily agreed as Susan was there and would hear how I would respond. He then continued, “What I mean is she listens so well, I found myself telling her things that I would never say to anyone else. I’m glad you let her stay and visit.” I responded, “I know, she does that to me too.” 

Now, fast forward to the present. I, like my friend, do not share very many personal thoughts and feelings with other people easily and certainly not on a regular basis. In fact, Susan has been my only human real confidant since before we married . . . but now she is gone. Not to sound too mystical, I still consult with her, but she rarely answers . . . . although sometimes somehow talking with her it seems like she does. 

I simply must interject here; Our God is an awesome God . . . and He knows and supplies our every need. I stand amazed at how He does it. As I said earlier, So, when the earthly love of our life is no longer present the inward pain is almost unbearable. Nothing seems to help. Then God . . . does something surprising . . . at least in my loss experience He did.

In my case, the Lord reached back into my past and pulled into my present someone with whom prior to then I doubt that I had spoken a dozen or so words over my entire life. A person who, like my friend, said of Susan, “I found myself telling her things I would never say to another living person.”  This in my mind borders on the miraculous! Do you realize the pieces God had to move to make that happen? Some of you might have been among the pieces He moved. God works and He is working all over the place.

I suppose the lesson in this is that sometimes God supplies our need from places we would never look. Israel received water from a rock and in my case, he brought an obscure part of my past into my present and is meeting my need. I see my experience as no less a miracle than Israel being refreshed with water from a rock. I speak here of spiritual things. There is a way that seems right to our way of thinking, but God knows the way through the wilderness we travel far better than do we.

Is Finding a Wife Really a Good Thing?

 I am a big proponent and have been for many years of reading a chapter from Proverbs each day. I recently added to that practice choosing one verse (proverb) on which to focus my thinking. A few days ago, that focus verse was Proverbs 18:22. 

My first thought about that verse was, “Wow! All these years I’ve been reading this proverb wrong. He didn’t say finding a “good” wife. Instead, he said “finding a wife is a good thing.” I’m pretty sure had you asked me to quote this verse yesterday I would have said, “He that finds a good wife has found a good thing.”  I would add that from a woman’s point of view that verse would have been written, “Finding a husband.”  So, anything I say today will follow the general idea that what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. 

What I am hearing is, that it is a good thing to face life as a committed couple. God created Eve as the completion of Adam by bringing to the relationship what he needed . . . . what is lacking in him. Solomon affirms that a marriage relationship between a man and a woman is a good thing . . . even if it is not always a constantly euphoric thing. Marriage in too many instances evolves into a static thing when God intended it to be a dynamic and growing relationship. For the Christian that growing relationship is known as the process of becoming one flesh . . . . i.e., growing and maturing into oneness. Unfortunately, most of us are not developed enough in character and maturity to avoid the friction created by the oneness process. 

I have often wondered if God doesn’t bring couples together based not so much on their love for each other but because each hold within themselves what the other needs for a balanced life. It is here that we must ask the question: “If I am not getting what I need could it be that I am not giving what my spouse needs? Just a thought.

I doubt anyone would argue with the statement: “We all bring our bags of "stuff," both good and bad, to our relationships. The bags of trash are easy to spot because they stink so bad. In fact, they stink so bad that others see them before we or our spouse do. They were there all the time, but I guess love really is blind or maybe just stupid. Whatever kept us from seeing them and their seriousness before we married sure left after we married. Maybe we just ignored what we saw or what others pointed out. Somehow, we see the bags of treasure but too often we are blind to the importance of the trash bags. 

The challenge is to find the bags of treasure. We need to keep reminding ourselves why we married this person in the first place. The bags of treasure also have their own aroma but sadly once we marry their sweet aroma is often overwhelmed by the stinky stuff. Sometimes the onion has to be peeled to get to the good stuff. I was so very blessed that my life companion had so very little trash and so much treasure. So what's the answer? Finding a good wife is not only a good thing, it the best thing. 

A Personal Word: I have been asked so many times what was it that made Susan the lovely person she was. Susan was a role model par excellence. Anyone who used her as a model for living life would be a better person for it. She certainly faced all the challenges of life that is common to our humanity and specific to her own life experience not to mention mine. She had her share of heartache and pain, sorrow and happiness. As you know, I spent 60+ years knowing and seeing her in just about any and every life experience you can imagine, and I would say of her today what Jesus said of Nathanael, "behold a woman in whom there is no guile." She was the best of the best. Her greatest gift from God was that she loved with the love of the Lord and that love broke any and all barriers down. 

Me, well I had so much stinky trash that I am still a work in progress . . . but thank God, He is not finished with me yet and He is not through with you either. 

Another Part of Our Journey into Oneness

I have been asked many times how Susan and I developed a deep level of love and commitment in our marriage. The answer to that is too complex to answer here. There are many factors that go into developing a relationship like the one Susan and I shared. Many of those factors are unconscious while others evolve over time and still others were conscious decisions. Today, I’ll mention two of the important ones. 

The first and foremost is that we both decided early on that God and our relationship to and fellowship with Him individually and as a couple was vital. We knew that relationship had to be nurtured and developed if we were going to have what we both wanted . . . a relationship with each other that mirrored our relationship with God. I do not believe you can have what we had apart from a powerful sense of the presence of God in your life. 

The second was to prefer the other over our self. Understand, our life together was a journey into oneness and there are plenty of other factors that play into that journey. They are the spokes of the wheel that is our life. 

I am going to try to shed a little light on the logistics of making that a reality. What I share below is just one spoke in what was the wheel of our relationship. 

From the time I graduated from seminary and became a full-time senior pastor I have had to travel and over time that travel burden only increased. Now understand, I didn’t mind the travel, but I began somewhere early on in our journey into oneness that it put an added burden on her.     

Many years ago now, I made a decision that if I was going to be away on either professional or personal business Susan would have the choice to go with me if she wanted to do so. I was so committed to this that I would drive from Kilgore, Texas to Pasadena, Texas to take our daughter to “Gramma’s” house so Susan could attend a two-day meeting in Dallas, Texas. Those of you who have for any length of time lived in Texas know how crazy that seems. 

Most of the time Susan chose to go and we turned every single trip, of which there were many, into personal couple growth opportunities. People who know me are aware of the many, many trips we have taken over the years both in Ministry and the travel industry.

Understand that while my business-related travel was paid for, I still had to pay her cost. Over time people that I worked with at these events came to expect her to be there. A few even involved her in what we were discussing and/or planning . . . one executive once referred to her as the most valuable non-paid advisor he had. But I am beginning to digress.

My point is, we used our responsibilities as opportunities to spend more time together than we would have otherwise. There is a little-known axiom that says, “In order to have quality time together you must have quantity of time.” It was with this principle in mind that we always looked for ways to exploit my required travel for our personal gain. 

We also frequently planned extended stays in the area where I had to be. Sometimes, we used that city as a jumping off place for a cruise or a tour or just a couple of extra nights in the hotel. At conventions, conferences and trade show hotels were always good to give us the “convention rate” for a few days post conference. My point is, we found a way to get quantity of time. This in turn gave us the opportunity to create quality time with each other that gave us “time and place” where we did all the little things that mean so much in a relationship. 

Somewhere along the way we became a team, no more than a team, we became one.

If Only This Were True

If only this were true what a wonderful world this would be. But alas it is a cute phrase that does not convey the truth of the matter. Both men and women who are the recipients of “love, care, time and attention” have plenty of opportunities to cheat on their spouses and some do. I have often thought about what is there in us that some will succumb to temptation and others will not. Why does the cheater cheat? Do people cheat and become cheaters or are they cheaters who cheat? 

By the way, everything I will say in this post applies equally to men and women.

I remember the day when as a young man of 19 I looked into the eyes of a 19-year-old young woman named Susan and surrounded by God’s people, standing in the presence of God’s spokesman and before the eyes and ears of the Almighty Himself I promised that young woman that, among other things, I would be “true to her and her alone as long as we both shall live. I remember feeling the weight of that promise. I knew I meant what I said to her that day. I knew she was accepting my words at face value and believing I would honor that sweeping promise. At the same time, she was making the very same promises to me. By God’s grace we kept those promises.

Unfortunately, a lot of other people have made, and others will make, those same promises to each other under the same circumstances but somewhere along the line they will yield to temptation, break their vow and betray the trust of their spouse. The question is, why do some remain faithful, and others do not. 

Setting aside, at least for the moment, Jesus’ sweeping statement in Matthew 5:28 where he declares, “But I say unto you, 'That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her hath committed. adultery with her already in his heart'” and look at why people cheat on each other. Let’s take a look.

I don’t think it is necessary to define what I mean by cheating on one’s spouse. I suspect we all know what that is. However, for the sake of clarity let me define what I mean by cheating . . . . Cheating is when one spouse betrays the other spouse’s trust and breaks the promise of maintaining emotional and sexual exclusivity with them. 

Let me also say up front what else we know to be true and that is that everyone of us has a strong desire for self-gratification. It may be among the strongest we have but it does not have to be the strongest and certainly not the controlling desire. As the king once said why he did a certain thing replied, “It pleasures me.” That is not too far from the excuse, “I did it because I could.”  Now, if this need for self-gratification exceeds the love and intimacy a person is getting from a relationship and commitment and loyalty are weak or missing it can lead to infidelity. Mark the words “it can lead to” . . . . It can but infidelity is not inevitable. 

So, we have defined the area wherein conflict can arise. Counselors and Psychologist will give you a long list of why men and women cheat on each other. Those lists are all attempts to explain why a certain person acted out the way they did, i.e., cheating on their spouse. However they try to describe a given cause in a given case the truth what they are actually doing is adding color commentary to the picture. Behind all of that descriptive and justifying language is “it's all about me.” Even when we play the blame game and put the onus on our spouse, it is still “all about me.”

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4) I don’t know how many times I have been asked since by beloved wife of almost 55 years went to be with the Lord about how we managed to stay married that long. Seems that is a question that flows out of the fact that so many marriages end in divorce sometime within the first ten years. I know it first was brought to my attention more than 30 years ago when as I checked out of a Phar-Mor Pharmacy, I handed the clerk a 50th Anniversary Wedding card. I still remember her response, “Wow, do people actually stay married that long?” My answer always followed along the line of, “Well, yes . . . at least many of my friends and acquaintances do.

Legally people can get divorced for any reason or even no reason at all. Biblically God only recognizes one acceptable reason and that is adultery. In Levitical law, adultery was so serious that if a man slept with another man’s wife, the adulterers would both be put to death (Leviticus 20:10). I’m going to be honest, if this were still the method of today, I know a few people who would not be alive.

The consequences of adultery (betrayal) are devastating in so many ways. However, we must never forget that Jesus is redemptive. If we love Him, He will work events in our lives together for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). However, our choices do come with consequences. Even though there is grace and forgiveness for our sins we should never push the limit on that grace and live against God’s laws. 

In John 8, Jesus was asked to stone a woman for adultery. He began to tell the people whoever had never sinned throw the first stone and they all eventually left. Jesus, who was the only one who never sinned, chose not to condemn her, but to forgive her and call her to leave her life of sin.

Adultery comes in a variety of forms. There is pornography . . . . viewing or reading graphic materials that are sexual. There is flirting . . . . trying to entice another through smooth words and using inappropriate language with another who is not your spouse. There is sexual relations . . . . encountering another person sexually who is not your spouse. There is sexting . . . . sending inappropriate messages or images to someone who is not your spouse. And there is lusting . . . . having sexual fantasies about another person who is not your spouse.

So, with all this with which to contend, what is one to do. I would suggest that you begin by making sure you have a very close walk with the Lord. Second, I also suggest that as husband and wife you do things together and not separate. Thirdly, I also suggest you avoid emotional adultery . . . sharing your personal thoughts, feelings, and emotions with another person other than your husband or wife. 

Marriages are so important and valuable to the Lord. They are a gift that He has given to us that are to model His love for His church. When we commit adultery, we not only ruin the image of our own marriages, but we taint the view of God’s love to others as revealed through our marriage. We need to take this very seriously and rely on the Holy Spirit to help us succeed in purity. The Christian marriage is in reality a spiritual threesome . . .  It is composed of a man, a woman and the Lord himself. For believers Jesus is Lord of their individual lives and He must be Lord of their marriage. What God has joined together let not man put asunder . . . especially by not being unfaithful to the promises made to each other before God. 

People give a lot of reasons and even more excuses as to why they cheated on their spouse but that is all they are, excuses. The truth is a good man who truly loves you and is committed to you will be loyal to you as well. I have lived now a long time in this old world, and I can tell you that every man I know has had the opportunity to "cheat" (I call it betray) on his wife at some point in their marriage and some do, but not every man does. Instead of trying to understand why some cheat I suggest we consider why others don’t cheat.

A man remains faithful not because you give him love, care, time and attention. Too be sure he likes all of those things, and they will certainly help the relationship grow and mature. There are all sorts of things one can do to bring a husband-and-wife relationship into the Biblical goal of oneness. Chief among these is always trying to become a better person and always putting your spouse first . . . . even before yourself. It is a matter of being kindly affectioned one to another with godly love and in honor preferring one another.

A husband remains faithful because he is a man of character who will not trade his character for a bowl of soup. He is loyal to his wife in spite of being tempted because of who he is . . . . a man of character. A man who truly loves his wife simply will not betray her trust for a few moments of carnal gratification.

No man was ever loved by a woman as was I and no woman was ever loved by a man as was my wife. However, our fidelity to each other was born out of our view of self and each other and not what we provided for one another. Good men have more self-respect than that and they certainly have more respect toward their wives. Back to that night 55 plus years ago when I sealed a promise already made . . . . it was heavy on me because I understood that being unfaithful was just not an option . . . . it was a promise. 

To paraphrase Scripture, If I cannot be faithful to my wife who I have both seen and touched how can I be faithful to God whom I have not seen and touched? If I love her with every fiber of my being, how can I entertain the thought of being betraying the trust she has placed in me.

When we promised to be true to our wives until death do us part, we were saying not only will I love you, but I’ll be true to you until the day one or the other of us dies. Some of us can't seem to stop even after our spouses dies. I remember saying to my sweet Susan, “Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you: for where you go, I will go; and where you lodge, I will lodge: your people shall be my people, and your God my God: Where you die, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.”

Dear friend, a promise made is a commitment to keep . . . your honor is on the line. 

As Time Goes By

 

I recently read a posting about someone’s childhood experience and how they related to that experience, and it got me to thinking about my own growing up years. I have learned, over time, that during my formative years my house and its furnishings were not that much different from those of my friends and classmates. In later years, as an adult, I learned from many of them that their home life in those houses was not really that different from mine either. A few had it better and a few had it harder but most of us were having a very similar experience. 

Over the years I have developed relationships with people in the various circles in which I moved. I had my ministry friends, my college and seminary friends and my academic friends, church member friends, travel industry friends and because in all of all of those friend categories my international friends. Different in so many ways the one thing they all have in common is that I think of them as friends. If I were a rich man, I’d rent a nice hotel with a great hall and have them all together in one place so I can say “Thank You” for enriching my life. 

I believe that God has a plan for our lives that makes us a part of His greater plan for mankind. As a part of that plan He brings people in and out of our lives. Some are a part of our lives the whole of the time while others only for a short span. Some come into our lives early and leave only to return in later years. It is an amazing process and such a joy when one is aware of what is taking place.  When we realize God is doing all this weaving to accomplish something bigger than ourselves and at the very self-same time He is shaping us into the expressed image of His dear Son. As He weaves the tapestry we call our life He never drops a stitch. He even uses the bad experiences of life as opportunities to enrich us. There is a sense in which I am what I am because of who you, my friends, are. God is making something beautiful of our lives.  

However, over the years there has been a strange and dare I say almost spiritual connection with the group of people with whom I started this journey we call life. Because our lives went so many directions after May 1965 so many were not seen again for 25 years and others for 45 years and yet I feel as though in some kind of mystical way they have walked with me every day of my life.  When I walked the school hallways with them I thought we were all so very different and now as I come to the end of my journey I see we were really not that different at all. 

I have not forgotten my best friend all through Junior and senior high school even though it has been more than 58 years since I last saw or even spoken to him. I am sure I am poorer for that. On the other hand, a few people with whom I rarely spoke or associated with in those days have become precious friends. However, it doesn’t seem to be the frequency of time spent together or of conversations shared that give my fellow PHS Class of 1965 a special place in my heart of hearts. I weep over the passing of people about whom I know little or nothing and I find myself rejoicing with those who find new happiness in our senior years and I am saddened when they hurt. But as strange as it may seem I feel drawn to the members of that class. I don’t know why . . . I just know it is so. Maybe you can tell me.

I find myself wishing I could reach around all of us and bring us into our own private Brigadoon. So many of these folks are people of faith . . . . the Christian faith. That means that one day God will bring us together in our own eternal Brigadoon . . . we call it Paradise. Paradise becomes in many respects a paradise because so many of you will be there. Intellectually I know that not all will be there but I see them there none-the-less. Heaven in my mind is like now except without flaws and sin.

So, for all the big and small ways that you, the members of the PHS Class of 1965 have touch, help shape and continue to minister to my life I say, “Thank you.” In spite of my doubts, fears and anxieties in May 1965 about what the future held for us you seem to me to have succeeded in life. A few made it materially and few fell through the cracks but by-in-large you managed to become great people. If no one else has told you lately, then let me do it now, “You are indeed loved.” I know because I have love in my heart for you. I can’t explain it but it is there none-the-less. 

By the way, If you are a 1965 graduate or attended Pasadena High School in Pasadena, Texas between 1962-64 but were transferred to and graduated from Sam Rayburn in 1965 you should check out our class page on Facebook . You can keep up with what's happening there and you'll know when our next class "Gather with a Few Old Friends" dinner is scheduled. 

Proper Attire for the Pulpit. What is it?

I recently responded to a post on Facebook dealing with what constituted proper attire for a minister when preaching. Here is the post: “I would like everyone tell me if your preacher wears a suit to preach? I haven’t been to a church service in 25 years that a preacher wears one.  I don’t believe anyone will find a scripture in the Bible that requires that . . . .”  

Ordinarily I would have answered with a yes or no. However because I took “I don’t believe anyone will find a scripture in the Bible that requires that” as a kind of off-handed challenge I decided to be a little more expansive in my response. 

I began my thought process by recalling my own experience as a Baptist preacher. That experience covers a period of time starting in about 1963 to the present or about 60 years of observation and involvement. I have observed preachers from around the world and must confess that they have worn all sorts of attire. 

I may be wrong, but here are some of my thoughts on why clothing matters when we’re preaching. I do believe that what the preacher wears in the pulpit and at public speaking engagements is more than just a matter of personal choice. After all, preaching is not about us. 

As the vessel through which God delivers His message we cannot help but be noticed. However, we should never outshine the message or deliberately call attention to ourselves. After all that is the main thing in preaching. I will add, that however one dresses it needs to be clean, fit well, appropriate and not be a distraction from the sermon. Now with that said, hear is what I think . . . .

Since finding a chapter and verse that delineates how a preacher is to dress for the pulpit seemed to be a challenge of some sort I want to address it first. Let me be the first to say that there is nothing in Scripture that says in a straightforward manner anything like, “And the Bishop shall wear ___________.” However, that does not mean Scripture inform a preachers choice of attire. 

You see, the preacher’s attire when preaching is not a matter of chapter and verse in Scripture. Scripture. There are in Scripture whose underlying principle would apply. For example Paul’s discussion of meat offered to idols in both Romans 14:21 and Corinthians 8:13. Certainly First Corinthians 10:23, where Paul says, “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not" is informative.

So, in typical preacher form I have four points and but no poem. 

First the attire of the preacher in the pulpit is largely and issue of contextualization. It needs to fit the time, place and occasion. What works in one church may not work in another. Keep in mind you can rarely over dress but it is really easy to under dress. In my personal experience, my last church seemed to prefer at a minimum a coat and tie, but I preferred a suit (I did both) for all Sunday services. I have found that acceptable attire for any church. In some instances like weddings I have worn my doctrinal robe. All of the churches where I served would not have minded if I wore pants and a Polo shirt on Sunday nights and other weekday services. I want my dress to fit the occasion. Loving people well means being willing to contextualize my attire so others might hear the Word. I do not want my dress to distract from the main thing . . . the preaching of the Gospel. As a preacher we need to know our audience; we need to know the occasion; and we need to dress appropriate for both.

My second thought is that what the preacher wears does send signals intended or not. On the negative side it may say things like, “I’m still living in the 70s” or “I’m messy.” In other cases, it says, “I like to rebel against tradition” or “perhaps I’m too lazy to iron my shirt.” On the positive side in might say, “I want to become all things to all men” so some might be saved. These perceptions may be just that—only perceptions—but we still need to recognize them when we preach. You preach on heaven and all the congregation remembers is that goofy tie you work or the chest hair sticking out above the top button of your shirt. 

My third thought is that how the preacher dresses can be part of an intentional ministry outreach strategy. Perhaps the best illustration is the pastor who wears a coat and tie in a traditional service, but who then wears jeans with an untucked shirt for the contemporary or evening service. He’s doing that intentionally because of the church’s desire to reach multiple generations through different services.

My final thought is that how the preacher dresses can distract from the message. When your clothing looks strange (or even just decidedly different), it’s not always easy to hear your message because of the visual distraction. I suppose we can blame that issue on the hearers, but it’s our responsibility as the communicator to figure out how to communicate most effectively. I remember the days of the flamboyant evangelists with their flashy clothes. They certainly got your attention don’t know about whether their message always got through. 

As preachers we have a responsibility not to allow our clothing choices to hinder someone’s hearing the message. To paraphrase Jesus, “Take heed that you do not dress to be seen of men: otherwise you have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.” Again, it is an issue of contextualization. 

I also think these apply to church members as well. My grandfather might have worn coveralls to church but they would be his newest and cleanest. May I suggest that how we dress might be a reflection of how we view God. The real question is not what should I wear but am I dressing to please myself, to impress others or to honor and please God. After all, God looks on the intent of the heart.

Proper Attire for the Pulpit. What is it? You tell me in the Comments below.