Don’t Disparage of the Pain

When we love deeply and we love over many, many years and the person we have so loved is taken from us it causes us great inward pain. I suppose it is a shadow of the pain that Jesus experienced as he was separated from the Father when He "became sin" for us and died the sin death thus giving us both the hope and the means of redemption. 

Don’t disparage of the pain you feel when the love of your life dies. Believe me I do not make that statement lightly. It has been more than 25 months since the woman I love went to be with the Lord and not a day has gone by that I have not thought of her and hurt in my soul. 

For almost a year I tried to hide the depth of pain, but I found I could not and decided that I should not.  I suppose most of the people in my world and many outsides of my world know of my struggle. It has been the deepest and most sustained pain I have ever felt. The pain was so intense that it defied words. Her leaving was as if someone had ripped out a part of my own soul. It was as we used to say - "To the bone." 

When our beloved departs through death to a far country, and we are left behind with just the memories and the pain of that separation we wonder who can lift us from this pit. We may even question whether God cares or not. The hurt is so deep we find ourselves crying out with the Apostle Paul, “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” 

Given all this still I say, do not disparage of that pain. It is the evidence that one has loved and been loved deeply. If you want to avoid the suffering that comes from such separation, then the price is never experiencing the joys of loving deeply and the marvel of two becoming one. It is also evidence that you had obtained the oneness that God intended. 

The pain is the price of the love and though the price, as in my case, is great it is but a small thing compared to the love that we enjoyed. I have come to understand the meaning of Paul's affirmation in Romans 8:18 where he writes, "the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us." No matter how great the love we shared here and no matter how great the pain we are presently experiencing the love and glory we experience when we join our loved one in Heaven will outshine it all. It will truly be worth it all when we see Jesus and are reunited with our beloved.   

No matter how great the pain it is but for a season. But love is made of stronger stuff. For the Christian, love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, and is hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving deeply is always worth taking. It is a true saying that says, “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” 

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is I Corinthians 13:8-13. Paul makes it clear that everything will pass away. That is, everything will cease except Faith, Hope and Love. And, of what remains (Faith, Hope and Love) love is the greatest. But that only stands to reason since as First John 4:8 tells us, “God is love.” 

So, while the absence of the one we love is painful the promise of God’s love makes the pain bearable and “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18). So, while I still carry a great deal of sorrow in me it is not debilitating because I carry a greater expectation that when I step out of time into eternity of being greeted by not only my Lord but also the many loved ones I’ve known here below and that includes my dear Susan with whom I became one.  

The bond of love will not be broken. Just as we cannot be separated from the love of God in Christ Jesus . . . . so the love we shared is not broken. It may have to be stretched across many years but one day, someday, face to face it will be refreshed. I personally believe that there is a better than even chance that when I get to heaven not only will a see Jesus, but I'll be greeted by those who I loved and loved me. I easily imagine Jesus telling Susan to show me around the place and the joy I experience as she takes my hand and says, "come walk with me, there is so much I want you to see. You see that's what love does.

Yep, that will be a happy day indeed. Sometimes in my mind I try and imagine what that reunion will be like. What a day that will when we enter heaven and experience for the first time ever life without sorrow, sadness or pain and see our beloved once more. There is so much more to be said here but no volume of words would add to the glory of that reunion.

There will be a happy meeting in Heaven, I know.
When we see the many loved ones, we've known here below.
Gathered on that blessed hilltop with hearts all aglow
That will be a glad reunion day.

A glad day, a wonderful day,
A glad day, a glorious day
There with all the holy angels and loved ones to stay
That will be a glad reunion day.

When we live a million years in that wonderful place
Basking in the love of Jesus, beholding His face

It will seem but just a moment of praising His grace.
That will be a glad reunion day.

A glad day, a wonderful day,
A glad day, a glorious day
There with all the holy angels and loved ones to stay.
That will be a glad reunion day.

I'm Only a Phone Call Away

I frequently see this statement, or some that are similar, "When I die don't get on Facebook talking about you wish Heaven had a phone. I have two lines now and you don't call" and I agree with it. 

I know that I have searched every old phone, video and other source that I can get my hands on to capture the sound of my dear Susan's voice. Just to hear it brings joy to my heart. I'd rather her be here with me so I didn't have to rely on recordings. I'm sure my children have plenty of messages that start out, "It's just me call me when you get time." Sadly, time eventually runs out. 

For those of us who grew up in the 1950's and came of age in the 1960's this circumstance is particularly painful. We grew up in an era when the telephone was still a relatively new experience. People would talk on the phone for hours at a time even though they may have just spent half the day visiting in person.  Many of us who grew up with phones thought we'd experience pretty much the same in our old age. But alas it is not to be.

Truth is, for most older folks their phones would hardly ever ring if it weren’t for Robo-calls, Car Warranty companies, Medicare Plans, or collection companies looking for someone who shares your name. None of these are welcome.

While discussing this in a small group after church on Sunday a younger person in our group suggested that perhaps we should take the initiative and initiate the call. I thought about that for a minute and then remember how many times I heard my late wife’s voice in response to my asking, “Have you heard from the kids?” say, “I just tried calling _______ but they said they’d have to call me back.” You run into that often enough and soon you just face the fact that the people you most want to hear their voices are too busy. 

Now don’t misunderstand me. They really are busy. They, for the most part still have jobs, still have children living a home, still have circles of friends that do not include us older folks and should not. Unfortunately, we recognize that while they are legitimately busy, we are living on the short end of a life lived. We also walk in the knowledge that while we might live many more year, we might live those years without our memory and the recognition of family or friends. Hence while for them time pass slowly for us there is an urgency. 

On a related matter cards and letters are still important. I have a dresser, not dresser drawer but a dresser
that is filled with cards and notes that we received over the years and Susan kept. I’d catch her from time to time sitting on the edge of the bed looking at a handful of those cards and letters just remembering the people who sent them. There was a time when she used them as a part of her prayer list. Cards and letters matter. Cards with a short not are easy. Letters are a little more problematic because they require time, thought and some measure of penmanship. Yep, more demanding but moe powerful. Let me suggest whether you use snail mail (best) or e-mail (ok) write complete sentences and spell out the words and try to communicate feeling not just thoughts and events. Now back to the subject at hand . . . .

The other thing that is often suggested is that we find some kind of “old people” group to join and participate with regularly. I hate to say it but most of those groups are training and/or conditioning classes for nursing home residency. However, the big problem is, they are not the people with whom you wish to be or from whom you wish to hear. We feel like the ancient Hebrew in captivity who said, “By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion. We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof.” In short we were alive but we were no longer living. 

I don’t believe for a minute that we don’t get those calls and visits from friends because people don’t care. I have learned over the past three or so years that people really do care. God’s people and real friends do care. When my wife Susan left for her heavenly home the people who stayed with me the longest and some to this day going on three years down the road are friends from my growing up years. However, since many of them are women and married much telephone and certainly in person visits can be awkward. I have come to love a group of people (a bunch of individuals both men and women) that in my “growing up” years I barely knew anything about them besides their names. 

I also do not for a minute believe that kinfolk (children, grandchildren etc.) don’t make those calls and visits because they do not care. There is no question in my mind that for most of us our families do care. They fail to call or visit because they are wrapped up in the business of their own lives and families. And the truth is they are not wrong in that. After all, Scripture does say that when they marry there are to “leave their father and their mother.” 

In their minds they know they are young and there is time enough for calling. Sadly, there is not that same amount of time for answering that call. It is that dichotomy that I believe lay behind the quote with which I started this little bit of dribble . . . . "When I die don't get on Facebook talking about you wish Heaven had a phone. I have two lines now and you don't call." 

Truth is we really do want to hear from you. We want to know what’s going on in your lives; we want to know about our grandchildren and great grandchildren. But what we really want is to hear your voice. We know from he sound of your voice how things are really going regardless of te words that are spoken. We want to hear your voices for ourselves. Again, at the risk of being to personal, I recall many occasions after Susan spoke with someone saying. “They said they are fine but something in their voice tells me something isn’t quite right somehow.”

I’m not a Stevie Wonder fan but I like what he said when he sang, “I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I care, I just called to say I love you. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.”  If you are my age, you mom and dad probably are no longer with you and so we might legitimately say, "When I die don't get on Facebook talking about you wish Heaven had a phone. I have two lines now and you don't call." 

If they are living, I suggest you set you priorities as: God first, followed by your immediate family (spouse and children), then extended family followed by friends. I might add that from time to time include them in some family activity besides holidays. I remember one of te most rewarding days of my life with my mother was the day I took her to Galveston’s West Beach and pushed her in her wheelchair over the sand burn to the empty beach and saw her face as she breathed in the ocean air. I have carried that day with me for some 30 years now. 

This is for all the lonely people thinking that life has passed them by don't give up until you drink from the silver cup and ride that highway in the sky.

This is for all the single people thinking that love has left them dry don't give up until you drink from the silver cup you never know until you try.

Well, I'm on my way yes, I'm back to stay well, I'm on my way back home.

This is for all the lonely people thinking that life has passed them by don't give up until you drink from the silver cup, she'll never take you down or never give you up you'll never know until you try.

Feel free to share your thoughts and/or experiences in the comments section below.