My immediate thought was, if that were to happen to me what should I do? Notice I didn’t say what would I do but what I should do. Debt creates an uneven relationship between two people. Essentially it makes one person a slave and the other person their master. God didn’t intend for us to live in that kind of unbalance with people, and the friction caused by such arrangements can actually damage and worse yet destroy relationships. If you really value your relationship with someone, forgiving their debt will help you preserve the core friendship that matters most. I might add, you do so quietly.
You have done nothing wrong by insisting on aa debt being paid but you have done better when extending forgiveness. With that said, I will now turn to my subject.
In Hamlet, the character Polonius counsels his son Laertes before he embarks on his visit to Paris saying, “Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” Good advice I'd say.
The meaning is pretty straight forward - do not lend or borrow money from a friend, because if you do so, you will run the risk of losing both your friend and your money.
In my first church as a pastor, Highland Park Baptist in Kilgore, Texas I had a deacon, M.A. Smith, who told me essentially the same thing and who showed me what I believe is a better way. Mr. Smith was without question the wealthiest man in our church but that was not always the case. He was one of those few people men of wealth who could honestly empathize with people who struggled financially.
I remember standing with him in a Drug store, I believe near the corner of Main and Hwy 259 on Valentine's Day. We had just returned from Grapeland where he had some gas wells. We had stopped to pick up a Valentine cards for our wives. While there he told me, "I was standing right here many years ago when I had the greatest day of my financial life. It was here, that for the first time in my life I realized I could tell the clerk 'how many without asking how much.'" I would learn much more about his early struggles as my time in Kilgore passed.
But I digress. It was M.A. Smith who told me, "I never lend money to my friends. If they need it I will just gift it to them" I asked him why and he explained, "Well, if I loan them something and they can't repay the feel guilty and I risk losing a friend and I run the risk of having ill feeling toward them and damaging a friendship."
I have thought about that over the years and I too have adopted that policy as my own and I recommend it. You will find over time it will stand you well and it will strengthen your friendships.
Mr. Smith went on to tell me that he expected his friends to let him know when they had needs going unmet but he also thought it was his responsibility to become aware of such needs. People are proud and proud people will not ask for help but that doesn't change the fact that there is a need I can meet. I cannot tell you how many $1000's of dollars he brought over my time in Kilgore to me to give anonymously to people he knew were struggling. One more trait I discovered he did not distinguish between his friends and people who resented his wealth.
Remember, when Scripture tales about God loving a cheerful giver it is not talking just about giving to the church. M.A. Smith had discovered the real meaning of giving in this statement by Jesus, "When you have done it to these the least of my brothers you have done it unto me." Jesus really nailed it when he said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” In fact he believed that God had given him the “Midas touch” for the express purpose of helping people in need and that if he quit giving his money away in ways that helped others he would himself soon find himself among the needy. He often quoted to me the words of Moses in Duet. 8:18, “But thou shalt remember the Lord thy God; for it is He that giveth thee power to get wealth.”
In short, I actually get more out of giving than the person I give to gets by being the recipient of my gift. I have often wondered that when Jesus said, “the poor you have with you always” He wasn’t also saying, “you have plenty of opportunities to know the joy of giving and sharing.”
So let me summarize: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend” but cheerfully give to those in need.
1. There is nothing inherently wrong with borrowing or lending money. Although God appears to hate usury (interest and I’d say especially compounded interest). Sometimes in our financial dealings demand it. We need not lecture on how and why the situation needing a loan came about . . . we only need to know the need is there and it may be our only recourse.
2. When dealing with friends and relatives I suggest that if you want to be of help to them you should gift them not loan to them. Loans in reality only shift need from one pocket to the other.
3. We should always have our antennas up and working as to the needs our friends and family have. While there is no shame in sharing your need many, like myself, will never ask friends or family for help. I believe we must protect their pride/dignity or whatever you wish it. Personally, I don’t want to owe my friends and family and money or them me for the very reasons that Polonius gives.
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