I am thinking about Christmas . . . it is that time of year.

Today I was thinking about Christmas and how different it is from  those of my childhood. Christmas as a child was filled with anticipation and hopeful expectations. Christmas shopping when I was a kid was always an "almost didn't get it done thing."  My Dad was an independent garage man and the auto repair business was really slow during the Christmas season. People simply put off getting things done on their cars that weren't absolutely necessary. After all, they could use that money for Christmas expenses.

Neither my Dad or myself blamed them for that. However, it always meant that we had to wait until the last minute for Christmas preparation and gifts. I cannot remember a single Christmas when Dad and I were not shopping for Mom's Christmas present on December 24. Mom, like me had to share her birthday (Dec 30) with Christmas so when someone gave either of us a gift is was a 2fer.  But, I suppose the very fact that Dad and I were both shopping together for the most important woman in either of our lives was a Christmas gift in and of itself.

In addition we had a great family tradition that involved our extended family gathering wherever my grandparents and later just my grandmother lived. It was wonderful to be together as the Appleby Clan surrounded by aunts, uncles and cousins. I miss those days. Some of my fondest memories are from that time. I really do miss those days.

Over the years Christmas has changed for me. When I was the kid spoken of above it was to a large measure all about me and what I was going to get. As time past and I grew and matured the circle of Christmas joy increased. In 1966 Christmas added another person to the family. It was the same tradition except that the person I was shopping with was no longer my Dad but my wife. Yep we married on December 23 and went Christmas shopping on December 24th. But, other than that the Christmas celebrations pretty much stayed the same.

Within a few years, Christmas of 1969 to be precise, Christmas really took on a major change. Our marriage turned into a family and on Christmas 1969 there was three of us. That was the year when we (Susan and I) learned our place in the family pecking order. You see up until 1969 our families saw us as the focus of Christmas. Either they came to our house or we went to theirs but in every instance it was our young daughter, Tabetha, who was the focus of Christmas giving. To be sure we still got a gift but Tabetha was buried beneath the gifts.

Years came and went during which more children were added to our family. There was a son (Matthew) born in 1972, another daughter (Charity) in 1976 and another daughter (Anastacia) born in 1980. Wow, our own grand parents, siblings and children. It was a little like the days of my childhood.

Suffice it to say that in my nearly 73 years I have seen and experienced a lot of Christmas celebrations. Some were lean and some were fat but all were centered in the Christmas story as recorded in Luke's gospel.

That brings me to now. These days I celebrate Christmas from the perspective of a long life and the aging process. For Susan and myself Christmas has the same meaning as always but it is a radically different celebration. Retirement, health issues, and just the cost of living have all contributed. We no longer offer the lavish Christmas dinners, buy gifts as though they were going out of style, send the greeting cards to the hundreds of people who enriched our lives or attended a myriad of Christmas parties and celebrations.

Most of our Christmas is now spent quietly with each other. We don't need more things in our life. We have more now than we can keep up with. Many years ago when visiting in a nursing home an elderly lady took my hand and with teary eyes said to me, "All I want for Christmas is to be with my children and grandchildren. I want to hear their voices and the laughter and I want to just touch them." I realized then what I know now what it was about Christmas that I loved from those earliest days to today. It wasn't the gift, it was the one doing the giving, it was the shopping, it was who we shopped for, it wasn't the crowd, it was the people. That's it. Christmas was about the people in my life and like that long passed lady in the nursing home I want to spend it with people who are near and dear to my heart.

I want to see my children and grandchildren. I want to watch them run and play. I want to hear them shriek with joy and watch them eat. I want I want them to know that their presence brings me more joy and warms my heart. I want to touch them and feel the life the exude. That would be Christmas for me.  I also want them to know when the Christmas gathering is done and they all leave that is the loneliest day in my life. I go from a full heart to a feeling of emptiness. So don't show-up leaving. It only helps your conscience and hurts their heart.

But I know children are no different than  was I at their age. When I shopped with my Dad in paragraph one above it was important that I get my Mom something I believed she would see as wonderful, Of course I didn't realize then what I know now and that is it didn't matter what the gift was it blessed her.

However, I also know now what I didn't know then and that is over the year she garnered a lot of things she really didn't need and a few she didn't really want. So I have thought about the kinds of gifts we "Old Folks" would use and find helpful. I talked with people my age about this and a few people who are care givers and they shared their ideas about gifts for people like us.  Nearly everyone said, "Money would be nice."

Now understand, whatever you give we will love just because you gave it. So hear it is:
1. High on the list was anything that would provide financial relief. Rent may not be much but you'd be surprised what we old folks could do is we could just skip a rent payment. Another thought in this group of ideas would be utilities for a month of a year or a cable TV expense (Television is their companion most of the year).
2. A short trip somewhere like a bed and breakfast or even in your home for a few days. Send them on a cruise (call me on this one I can help).  Elderly folks rarely get away from the house except to visit the doctors. Some actually know their doctors better than they do their families. Why, they see them more frequently.
3. Gift cards to their local grocery store, fast food restaurant, or online store like Amazon.
4. Be creative, I'll bet you can come up with something special.

Finally, don't take it personal if they do not give you a gift in return. Remember, they are limited as to income, they find it harder to go to busy shops, have no idea what to buy.

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true oh
All I want for Christmas is you

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need, and I
Don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you