You'll Know Who Your Friends Are!

Tracy Lawrence got it right when he said: Everybody wants to slap your back, wants to shake your hand when you're up on top of that mountain but let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up and see who's around then. This ain't where the road comes to an end; This ain't where the bandwagon stops; This is just one of those times when a lot of folks jump off and you find out who your friends are.

In my life there have been times when I was riding high. It is during those times that people seem to come out of the woodwork to be my friend. Truth is, everyone likes the ride when things are going well. These people congratulate you on every little accomplishment; They sing your praises to both you and to others. They love to bask in the sunshine created by someone else's popularity and success.

And let's be honest. There is something inside us that enjoys the attention, thrives of the interactions and just plain enjoys being the man of the moment. But, we must never be seduced by all the attention and praise. Instead, we must keep our wits about us and understand that not everyone who calls us friend is a friend. In fact, most of those who called us friend will be as quick to jump on the bandwagon of those who attack us as they were to join the bandwagon that praised us. In fact when things get tough they will be among the first to "throw us under the bus" to save their own hide. The same people who today are singing our praises will trumpet our failings when we fall from the pedestal on which they have placed us.

When our feet of clay become evident these fair weather friends will like the rats on a sinking ship be the first to abandon us. But we must not mourn their loss. We should celebrate their departure as they rob us of quality time with our real friends. We should, in some warped way, be appreciative of our own failing because, as Tracy Lawrence says in his song, "we find out who our friends are." Or perhaps we find out who is not our friend and unless my experience has deceived me most of the people we know will come down in this category.

Perhaps they lack courage but most likely they were just along for the ride. Truth is it doesn't matter why they bailed out, only that they did. In this simple act of walking away they have shown their true colors (better character). When it counted they were not there; When they could have made a difference the chose to be absent. Worse yet many of them will fabricate stories about you, repeat spurious comments and generally kick you when you are down as they jump on their new bandwagon

Is this a bad thing? Well, at the moment you are experiencing the abandonment it certainly is painful. You have moments when like the Psalmist you want to cry out, "I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would acknowledge me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul." (Psm 142:4) If we are not careful we will allow these people to keep us from rising as the Phoenix from the ashes of our present circumstance. Remember, these people were never you friends . . . they were just along for the ride. When the ride became too bumpy they left the journey.

By my definition a friend is someone who comes to you when everyone else is leaving you. They may not be numerous but they are more precious than pure gold. They don't judge you but rather they embrace you. They become your safe place. They look past any failings you may have and see your need and that is what they try to meet. Because they care for you they listen. In short they stay on the bandwagon and encourage you to go forward.

All this brings me to my point. When everyone seems to be jumping off the bandwagon of your life keep in mind that just because those who were along for the ride jumped off you bandwagon does not mean that your bandwagon has stopped. It is lighter; it is leaner; but it still has your true friends on board. And my experience has taught me that your in for a surprise as to who these true friends are. They are often people you least suspect or regarded as friends. Don't close these people out.

My experience has been that these dark hours in our life while painful are merely slow places in our life journey. They are not the end of our life. Too be sure they may mark the ending of a phase of our life but there is more to come and a steel that has been through the furnace is strengthened so we are strengthened through these trials. My advice is to embrace your true friends and purpose to go forward. As to those who wounded you I urge you to heed Paul's advice, Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. (Romans 12:19)

Oh yea, while it may not work out the way we planned it, it will work out. Remember, life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning how to dance in the rain.