Man and Woman: Competitors or Companions

We have raised a generation that is intent on proving that women can do anything a man can. Unfortunately as a consequence of that drive women are losing their femininity and the uniqueness of their creation.  

The God-given femininity and uniqueness of their creation is what enables women and I might add men to fulfill the purposes for which they were created. God never created women to be equal to do everything a man can do. Quiet the contrary, women were created to do everything a man can't do." 

Before I go further with this theme let me point out that this has little if anything to do with whether or not women work outside the home or have a career. However, it does have everything to do with God’s design for the relationship of a woman to a man and vis-a-visa.   

This is clear from the meaning of the words translated “helpmate”(עֵזֶר כְּנֶגְדּוֹ)  It means “to make up what is lacking” and carries the additional idea of strength and equality. Nonetheless, there is a subtle hint of voluntary submission in describing woman as her husband’s helper. None of this denigrates but rather elevates both the man and the woman by pointing to each ones uniqueness of creation.

As one who is called alongside to make up what is lacking woman is man’s paraclete . . . . one called alongside to help to shore him up or help him achieve his creation purpose. This must be understood in the context that what God is doing by creating man as male and female is creating the conditions whereby they shall become one flesh.

Now what does that mean? Becoming one flesh means that as husband and wife you live a shared life. It is not simply the sharing of a bed and consummation of a marriage. That is a part and an important part of becoming one flesh. It is important enough so that the Scripture speaks plainly about the physical and intimate fleshly relationship of a husband and wife. 

Yes there is more than just sharing a bed . . . . . it involves the joy and sorrow; your hopes and fears; successes and failures; money and possessions; as well as bodies and souls. You share everything with each other. And in the process, God weaves you together as one. You’re two people truly united and become one flesh. 

More importantly becoming one flesh only intensifies over time. I really like the idea of making up what is lacking in one another. To those rare couples who achieve the biblical one flesh death feels like you have literally lost not just a part of your body but part of your soul and spirit as well.  When you rip your body apart, it HURTS.

This explains in large measure why I feel so lost without my Susan. We were certainly companions; we were also compatible, but more importantly we were complimentary. Were I am weak she was strong and where she was weak I was strong. Over sixty years of relationship and 54 plus years of marriage we became one flesh. 

To be sure we understood that each of us was uniquely created by God and capable within ourselves. However, we also believed God chose us from our birth to be together and that he put us together as husband and wife and then brought us into a oneness that can only be described as becoming one flesh. 

But Susan and I also knew that together we were stronger. As she battled pancreatic cancer she would clasp right hands and she would say, “Stronger together.” Hence, now that she has entered into her eternal and heavenly reward I am discovering daily . . . . sometimes moment by moment . . . . where she was making up where I am lacking and so, I intensely miss her presence.

Consider the lioness . . . . . the lioness does not try to be the lion. She embraces her role as the lioness. She is powerful, strong, and nurturing. She does not mistake her meekness for weakness. The world needs more kind, compassionate, humble, faithful, persevering, confident, fierce, bold, pure, and tender-hearted women.

"I Have Found the One Whom My Soul Loves."

 

"I have found the one whom my soul loves." Song of Solomon 3:4

My intention is not to tell Susan's life story. God willing I will do that soon. I just want to share something of who she was and what drew me to her.

* * * * * * * * *

More than sixty years ago I met a girl.  For the first time ever on a church sponsored hay-ride I actually noticed a young girl named Susan.  She was 13 going on 14 and sitting on a row of hay bales with some friends. It was cold and that row of girls were sharing blanket with their eyes peering over the top and their legs dangling from beneath the bottom. 

I was 14 going on 15 and sitting at the other end of that straw strewn trailer with a group of boys. In those day boys and girl were kept separate at church functions. As I sat there looking at those legs dangling from beneath that blanket I settled my gaze on a pair right in the middle of the group. I thought, “Wow, those are some good looking legs” and with that thought in my mind I raised my gaze to see to whom they belonged. That’s when our eyes met and she gave a smirky smile.  It was almost like she knew I was looking at her though later she would say she didn't. As I looked into those clear blue eyes I thought, “Those are the kindest eyes I have ever seen.” I punched my friend and said, “I don’t know how or when but that girl is going to be in my life some day.”  

Well by the time we were both 15 we were a steady item. Neither of us ever dated another person. During this time I answered the call to preach. When I did she said it was about time. Seems she knew God was calling me to preach before I did.

We graduated from separate high schools in 1965 and I attended a year of college. Then on December 23, 1966 we became husband and wife in a ceremony at our home church . . .  The Boulevard Baptist in Pasadena, Texas.

On that cold December night Susan Eileen Warren became the “wife of my youth.”  For more than 54 years this godly woman has stood beside me. She has loved me, forgiven me, supported me, encouraged me, wept with me, bore my children and laughed both at me and with me. She has shared the load in times of enormous pain and heartbreak and has been with me as we celebrated times of great joy. We traveled the world in  ministry, business and pleasure. We did it all together. 

We were just kids (19 years old) when we got married so we grew up figuring out life together. Our Heavenly Father has been faithful to us and I thank Him for the "wife of my youth" who became the wife of my old age. In many ways I still see her through the eyes of that 19 year old boy.  We may have grown old together but she is forever young in my heart and mind. At the time we married I thought no one could love another person like I loved her and she me but after more than 54 years of marriage I must confess our love for each other is deeper than I ever thought two people could have. 

Susan became the beat of my heart and the breath in my lungs as well as the wind beneath my wings. I became the same for her and as she would tell me "her rock."  We would often clasp and and say to one another, "Stronger together."  Each night as we lay in bed she would whisper, "I love you and I don't know what I would do without you."  I'd reply, "I love you too and I do not want to ever be without you." Some times I'd say, "I love you too now lets go to sleep."

I earlier mentioned Susan’s kind eyes catching my attention. I would learn that the kindness in her eyes was merely the radiation from her heart. Susan was the authentically kind by nature. She always saw the good in people and had an uncanny way of putting people at ease. One CEO of a large travel company once told me, "Your wife is the easiest person with whom to talk I have ever known . . . she seems genuinely interested."  I said, "She seems that way because she is." She was accepting and non-judgmental and wanted everyone to be happy. 

Over time we proved to be complimentary personalities. We were not opposites and we were not the same but she made up where I was lacking . . . .  we completed one another and achieved in our lifetime the oneness that the Bible speaks of for husbands and wife. We completed one another so that together we became a complete person.

Neither of us knew that December night when we promised to love, cherish, honor, protect and care for until God calls us home where our steps would take us. We knew that it was a commitment as binding on our hearts in hard times as in good times; in sickness as in health; when we had nothing and when we gained wealth. Our goal was to become one in the Lord and by God's grace I believe we achieved that goal. 

Over time we came to believe that when God formed us in our respective mother’s wombs He had destined us to be together. To be one in Christ as a marital unit was our destiny and we enthusiastically embraced it and God made it so.

I have often said of Susan that she is not a example of the Proverbs 31 woman but instead said that she is that woman. She magnified her husband (that would be me) and she nurtured her children who numbered four. I can tell you now her children praise her.  Truth is, all she ever aspired to be was a wife and mother. In the process of doing that she became so much more. 

We started our journey as children in many way. No better sense than to just believe God would supply our needs and supply our needs He did. He allowed us to do everything together. I suppose that is because He knew that separate we would flounder. I will not try and divulge all the ways that God has led us as we make our journey to the promised land but suffice it to say we lived a blessed life.

Susan was kind, generous and just plain sweet by nature. Little things brought her joy . . . . you didn't have to do much to make her happy --- she was happy by nature. We couldn't even have one of those husband/wife arguments in which others engage . . . . she just refused to play. Nothing confounded her more than people not being able to get along with each other. She intuitively knew that happiness is a choice and wondered why so many people didn't choose to be happy. She was the tool that the Holy Spirit used to tame my temper.

But in the last three years of her life as she confronted all manner of health challenges she demonstrated a strength of character that not many people can match. I watched in awe as she confronted a brain bleed that affected her speech, a fall that destroyed her teeth; and pancreatic cancer which robbed her health and gave her excruciating pain that medication could not assuage. I can still hear her saying as she could barely move because of he pain . . . . “I can do this.” and so she did. Then during her heroic battle against the cancer a second stroke left her motionless and unable to speak or swallow. It marked the end of her battle. 

Then, on May 30, 2021the wife of my youth whom my soul loves was called home. We had walked hand in hand with Jesus for all these years. They were for the most part wonderful years. Then we walked hand in hand to the Gates of Heaven. All the while she never took her gaze from me or loosened my hand until we reached a place on the path beyond which I could not go. It was then that she turn her eyes from me and looked past me; loosed my hand to take another and she walked on without me but with her Lord . . . . . I now knew she was safe.

No man ever loved a woman more than I love Susan Eileen Warren Appleby. I love her still and her departure has left me with a large emptiness in my Spirit and in my Soul. I miss her more than language can communicate. We truly are one in the Lord. Our spirits and souls are interwoven and one day God will restore me to wholeness. For the Christian husband and wife who have loved deeply the parting at death while only temporary is in fact sweet sorrow. But, . . . .

There will be a happy meeting in Heaven, I know

When we see the many loved ones we've known here below

Gathered on that blessed hilltop with hearts all aglow

That will be a glad reunion day.

A glad day, a wonderful day,

A glad day, a glorious day

There with all the holy angels and loved ones to stay

That will be a glad reunion day.

When we live a million years in that wonderful place

Basking in the love of Jesus, beholding His face

It will seem but just a moment of praising His grace

That will be a glad reunion day.

A glad day, a wonderful day,

A glad day, a glorious day

There with all the holy angels and loved ones to stay

That will be a glad reunion day.