I am thinking about Christmas . . . it is that time of year.

Today I was thinking about Christmas and how different it is from  those of my childhood. Christmas as a child was filled with anticipation and hopeful expectations. Christmas shopping when I was a kid was always an "almost didn't get it done thing."  My Dad was an independent garage man and the auto repair business was really slow during the Christmas season. People simply put off getting things done on their cars that weren't absolutely necessary. After all, they could use that money for Christmas expenses.

Neither my Dad or myself blamed them for that. However, it always meant that we had to wait until the last minute for Christmas preparation and gifts. I cannot remember a single Christmas when Dad and I were not shopping for Mom's Christmas present on December 24. Mom, like me had to share her birthday (Dec 30) with Christmas so when someone gave either of us a gift is was a 2fer.  But, I suppose the very fact that Dad and I were both shopping together for the most important woman in either of our lives was a Christmas gift in and of itself.

In addition we had a great family tradition that involved our extended family gathering wherever my grandparents and later just my grandmother lived. It was wonderful to be together as the Appleby Clan surrounded by aunts, uncles and cousins. I miss those days. Some of my fondest memories are from that time. I really do miss those days.

Over the years Christmas has changed for me. When I was the kid spoken of above it was to a large measure all about me and what I was going to get. As time past and I grew and matured the circle of Christmas joy increased. In 1966 Christmas added another person to the family. It was the same tradition except that the person I was shopping with was no longer my Dad but my wife. Yep we married on December 23 and went Christmas shopping on December 24th. But, other than that the Christmas celebrations pretty much stayed the same.

Within a few years, Christmas of 1969 to be precise, Christmas really took on a major change. Our marriage turned into a family and on Christmas 1969 there was three of us. That was the year when we (Susan and I) learned our place in the family pecking order. You see up until 1969 our families saw us as the focus of Christmas. Either they came to our house or we went to theirs but in every instance it was our young daughter, Tabetha, who was the focus of Christmas giving. To be sure we still got a gift but Tabetha was buried beneath the gifts.

Years came and went during which more children were added to our family. There was a son (Matthew) born in 1972, another daughter (Charity) in 1976 and another daughter (Anastacia) born in 1980. Wow, our own grand parents, siblings and children. It was a little like the days of my childhood.

Suffice it to say that in my nearly 73 years I have seen and experienced a lot of Christmas celebrations. Some were lean and some were fat but all were centered in the Christmas story as recorded in Luke's gospel.

That brings me to now. These days I celebrate Christmas from the perspective of a long life and the aging process. For Susan and myself Christmas has the same meaning as always but it is a radically different celebration. Retirement, health issues, and just the cost of living have all contributed. We no longer offer the lavish Christmas dinners, buy gifts as though they were going out of style, send the greeting cards to the hundreds of people who enriched our lives or attended a myriad of Christmas parties and celebrations.

Most of our Christmas is now spent quietly with each other. We don't need more things in our life. We have more now than we can keep up with. Many years ago when visiting in a nursing home an elderly lady took my hand and with teary eyes said to me, "All I want for Christmas is to be with my children and grandchildren. I want to hear their voices and the laughter and I want to just touch them." I realized then what I know now what it was about Christmas that I loved from those earliest days to today. It wasn't the gift, it was the one doing the giving, it was the shopping, it was who we shopped for, it wasn't the crowd, it was the people. That's it. Christmas was about the people in my life and like that long passed lady in the nursing home I want to spend it with people who are near and dear to my heart.

I want to see my children and grandchildren. I want to watch them run and play. I want to hear them shriek with joy and watch them eat. I want I want them to know that their presence brings me more joy and warms my heart. I want to touch them and feel the life the exude. That would be Christmas for me.  I also want them to know when the Christmas gathering is done and they all leave that is the loneliest day in my life. I go from a full heart to a feeling of emptiness. So don't show-up leaving. It only helps your conscience and hurts their heart.

But I know children are no different than  was I at their age. When I shopped with my Dad in paragraph one above it was important that I get my Mom something I believed she would see as wonderful, Of course I didn't realize then what I know now and that is it didn't matter what the gift was it blessed her.

However, I also know now what I didn't know then and that is over the year she garnered a lot of things she really didn't need and a few she didn't really want. So I have thought about the kinds of gifts we "Old Folks" would use and find helpful. I talked with people my age about this and a few people who are care givers and they shared their ideas about gifts for people like us.  Nearly everyone said, "Money would be nice."

Now understand, whatever you give we will love just because you gave it. So hear it is:
1. High on the list was anything that would provide financial relief. Rent may not be much but you'd be surprised what we old folks could do is we could just skip a rent payment. Another thought in this group of ideas would be utilities for a month of a year or a cable TV expense (Television is their companion most of the year).
2. A short trip somewhere like a bed and breakfast or even in your home for a few days. Send them on a cruise (call me on this one I can help).  Elderly folks rarely get away from the house except to visit the doctors. Some actually know their doctors better than they do their families. Why, they see them more frequently.
3. Gift cards to their local grocery store, fast food restaurant, or online store like Amazon.
4. Be creative, I'll bet you can come up with something special.

Finally, don't take it personal if they do not give you a gift in return. Remember, they are limited as to income, they find it harder to go to busy shops, have no idea what to buy.

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true oh
All I want for Christmas is you

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need, and I
Don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you

The Way We Were . . . . Why?

I just read an article in the Christian Post under the headline: "New York public school rejects student Christian club, OKs LGBT Pride Club." The longer I live the more I appreciate the remarkable community that nurtured me during my formative years. I read articles like these and wonder, "Why."  Why do these kinds of divide exist? I used to think that my high school years were typical of young people of my generation. But the older I get the more I see that maybe, just maybe they were more exceptional than I have previously thought. To be sure we did all the things that other high schools were doing during that era. We played basketball, football and a host of other sports. We had bands that practiced in our garages, choirs in church and at school and in after hours were developing the music of the 1960's (You need to read Vicki Welch Ayo's The Boys From Houston for details of that last comment). We had boy and girl friends, went to school dances and drive in movies. I say all this to point out on the surface at least we appeared to be like all the others of our time. But there was something about the class of 1965 that was different. It is hard to put one's finger on just what made it different but I assure you looking back from the advantage of 2019 something made it special. I really don't recall students being divided by their religious, political, or moral beliefs or lack thereof. I have strained my brain trying to recall the few people with whom I had issues. In the few cases I recall was not because of the beliefs but because of what they either did to me or said about me or my family. And, I should add that treated my friends badly. But even in these cases there was never any lasting animosity or was my anger transferred to others of their particular demographic. In fact, a few of these became good friends over time. Now, I can hear some of you reading saying, "Well, sounds like you're describing a homogeneous group." I guess in a sense I am but not in the traditional sense. We didn't look alike; we weren't all from the same social or cultural backgrounds; we weren't all religious and those who were religious spanned the gamut of religions. I suppose we were by default homogeneously Caucasian but it was not an intentional thing and not exclusively so since there was also in our community a large Hispanic population (I distinguish between Latino and Hispanic. For me Hispanic represents people from a Spanish tradition while Latino speaks of people speaking a "romance language" of Spanish, Portuguese or Italian.) With all the religious, cultural, and individual heritage traditions there was an over arching acceptance of people different in many ways from ourselves. I know it was true for me and I suspect for most of my friends and fellow students. We just didn't see our differences as a reason to dislike or condemn. I can't speak for others but I trace this tendency in myself back to the days when we lived in Orange, Texas just a block down the street from the "Projects" (government low income housing). That and a father who taught me long before Martin Luther King came on the scene that you judge people based on their actions and character and not such superficial things such as color, culture etc. In talking with fellow students from those days I find they had a similar upbringing. We often speak of our parents as the "Greatest Generation" and that largely because of the Second World War. But I see them as the Greatest generation because not only what they did historically but what they taught and modeled to their children. It seems that my friends parents were teaching them essentially the same things I was learning at home. Indeed, home seemed in those days to be the pot in which our character was molded. All I know is that the few organizations to which I belonged were blind to color, social standing, and culture. In many ways we were a curious lot. Not curious in the sense of strange but in the sense that we had a wide ranging curiosity. It wasn't until the so called university experts began to gain a voice in our social structure that the high view of the home, church and culture began to be chipped away. In their efforts to "fix" the so called deficiencies in our basic institutions that societies fabric and individual lives really began to come unraveled. This has continued at an ever increasing rate and I see little change on the horizon. Instead of "fixing" our institutions we weakened them. We moved societally away from absolute values that there are things you just do not do and others that are required of you to a system of situational ethics that taught that every situation must be decided on its own merit. In our growing up everyone knew what the boundaries were. We may have crossed them but we knew we were at risk by doing so. Rights were expanded as maturity was developed. I recall that when I was at Houston Baptist College the only qualifiers for a group on campus was that it must have a service and learning component and if memory has not totally atrophied that was the standard in High School as well. I must add that membership was restricted enrolled students. There were no cultural, racial, or social barriers or qualifications to restrict membership. So, our clubs and organizations were composed of people who chose to be involved because of their interest sets. You were not involved in baseball because you liked the game. The same was true of the Thespian Club. You were not accepted or rejected based on anything other than your desire to be a part of that group (Some groups, such as a few competitive sports groups, had a maximum number set by the State and some like Regional and State musical groups were restricted by number of places and level of talent and ability). So, what to do? Well, in my ideal world Christians would get back to basics and realize that God's intends to change society not by social manipulation but by conversion; nor by legislation but through persuasion that the Judeo-Christian ethic is the superior foundation for government that is inclusive; and that individual family values are more effective than University created systems in developing individuals of good character and integrity. We need to take a pause in "looking to the future" and take a few minutes to look to the past and relearn the truth that "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." I long to see a day when the lessons taught and the example set during our formative years are consistent with one another. I want to see parents set high moral and ethical standards and then to consistently live them. I have been told that we each have a preferred way of learning. But I believe however you learn the moral and ethical principles of life you must see them being lived out. Morality and ethics like spirituality is more caught than taught. In my mind knowledge is meaningful only if it is reflected in action. We are what we do and not just what we think. This is true for children and it is true adults. Here is what I wish we had learned before we reached first grade. I wish we had learned the lesson of the bean sprout in the cup. The bean sprouted, grew-up and then dies. That was intended to teach us everything we needed to know about life's tenure. We are born, we live and we will die and that will prove to be a short time over our three score and ten years. We also should have learned that we need others. We need to find our support group and family is the first place we find support from others. That is followed by our friends, life companion, workplace, and church. Remember how we were told in preschool to "Hold hands and stick together” as you go outside. Why, because that's where the danger lies and that is where we need each other. Besides, the world can be a lonely place when you're alone. I think maybe, because of our parents and then later reinforced by our teachers and hammered home by the untimely passing of high school friends we had an underlying sense of the importance and brevity of life and the significance other people have in our well-being. This produced a group of people where lawyers weren't need to build community or resolves differences.