Wedding & Funerals: Honorarium or Fee

As a Baptist preacher I have officiated a lot of weddings and funerals since I first started back in the 1960's. As a now retired Baptist preacher I still officiate a lot of weddings and funerals. The difference is that now it is usually it is wedding of the grandchildren of former parishioners who want the guy that married Mom and Dad to do their wedding as well. Funerals are now largely for good friends.

One thing that is constant is the confusion people have over whether or not you should pay the preacher for these services. It was clear for me that when it came to members of the church where I preached these functions were a part on my ministry to the congregation. However, when a preacher is invited to participate in such things for people outside the congregation there should be some sort of financial consideration. 

Please take note that I said, “Clear for me.” I do not hold anyone else to my conscience on this matter.  I must, however, point out that when I was active in the pastorate I was frequently asked if I charged for things like weddings and funerals. Truth be told I still get that question from time to time.

I need to point out that there are two schools of thought on “paying the preacher.” There is the fee for service wherein people are paying a fixed fee for a specific service just like they would at the Justice of the Peace. Some churches even codify this in their operations and personnel manuals. Then there is the “honorarium” method. This is a gift of an amount given in appreciation and gratitude for the time and energy the minister puts into the service. The amount is chosen by the person doing the giving.  These are the two basic approaches to “paying the preacher” for officiating the service.

When I was asked about this I always replied, "I have no fee schedule for these things. I see them as a part of my ministry." People would usually then ask something like, "well what about people who are not members of your church?" The answer was the same, "I have no fee schedule for these things. I see them as a part of my ministry."

Then they would often ask, "Well, do you accept honorariums for wedding and funerals?" I always responded, "Well, if someone wants to give something I am thankful for the thoughtfulness and happy to accept it."  (Personally, I never even looked to see the amount until after everyone was gone.) 

This would usually be followed by the question they really wanted to ask, "How much do most people give as an honorarium?"  In the case of weddings I'd often look at the groom and jokingly say, "Well, what is she worth to you?"  The quick witted ones would always say, "I can't afford that much." Regarding funerals I unusually did not need to say anything because the funeral home personnel handling the service usually took the initiative on this with the family as a part of their service planning.

The truth is everyone who asks this question genuinely want to give an appropriate honorarium. On this I could always tell them that from time to time there have been unusually large and exceptionally small amounts but the average usually was within a range of . . . .

I know, I know, now your curious about the range of the honorarium. The truth is when it comes  to an honorarium the amounts ranged from a low of nothing to a high of in excess of $1000 and in every case the amount was always within the range of a persons ability to give.  You see, as an honorarium the amount is determined by the giver and therefore rarely arbitrary. As to an average amount of the wedding honorariums I’d guess the ran about $200 and for funerals about $100.

For me an honorarium, whether received or given, was never a matter of amount. I expected people to stay within their means and budget. For me it has always about thoughtfulness and appreciation.

Now, just because I did not have a fee schedule does not mean that people who do have set fees are somehow less honorable than those of us who do not. There is no moral rule on this subject and there are strong arguments for both.  For me the honorarium just fits better with my sense of ministry and was compatible with my conscience.  I do not impose my conscience on others in this matter.

Have I ever not received an honorarium for a wedding or funeral or some other service? Yep. It has happened. There have been a few cases where I drove hundreds of miles to do a funeral for the family of a former church member and all the cost came out of my pocket. But that, for me was OK. Like I said I see this as ministry. I must also quickly say this was the rare exception. It has happened for weddings as well. I have even been known to give the groom back his money because I knew his finances were very tight. Like I said, it is all about the thoughtfulness and the gratitude not the amount.

So what’s my advise? If there is no fee schedule I suggest that you consider all the elements involved in providing this service, whether it be a wedding or a funeral, and determine in your own mind the amount of an honorarium you can give with a cheerful heart. I can assure you it will be grateful received with equal joy.

When They Say All Manner Of Evil

I recently read on a Facebook posting a comment about Chuck Lorre of the television show “The Big Bang Theory” Lorre, they said, is “the Producer is an anti-Christian Bigot and is known to put disgusting things after the show's ending” As I read through the comments I encountered statements like, “ He is a damn asshole liberal....”

Taken as a whole, the above got me to thinking about how we as Christians should be responding to the people who clearly are not only intellectually opposed to the Christian faith and Christians but who choose to engage in actively ridiculing the faith and those who hold to it.

Let me be clear, I am not critical of persons informing us of such people or even advising us to avoid or counter such persons as Chuck Lorre. I am not opposed to people personally choosing to avoid attending or watching their productions. In point of fact, I view such decisions as a kind of “Affirmative Action” designed to protect one self from being exposed to such anti-Christian material and a way of countering what one finds offensive.

I certainly believe that as Christians we need to oppose and offer alternatives to men such as Chuck Lorre and their anti-Christian actions. However, it was the response “He is a damn asshole liberal” that got me thinking about our responses to such people.

The first thing I thought was, “Was that an appropriate response? It seemed to me that a Christian would have chosen a different adjective to describe a Liberal. I will certainly acknowledge that it is graphic and serves to express a level detestation that runs pretty deep. It also, in my view, reveals something of the heart of the person speaking.

Secondly, it seems to foster confrontation and does not move us forward. You don’t win people by calling the, “assholes” and the like. That is a pejorative that puts people on the defensive and confirms their thinking about Christians.

Chuck Lorre is a sinner who has not been saved by the grace of God because he has steadfastly refused to put his faith in the completed work of Jesus Christ. That is what he is. That may not be the sum total of who he is but it is the reason for his actions and attitudes. Truth is, Everything else flows out of that.

In that sense he is no different that each of us before we placed our faith in Jesus Christ. He is exactly what Saul of Tarsus was before he met Jesus in a life changing way as he was making his way to Damascus to imprison and otherwise persecute Christians and became Paul the Apostle. My advice is, "Pray for his salvation."

My point is that we must look past the outward actions and activities of those who oppose us as Christians and recognize the fact that while they may attack our faith and all that we hold dear it is not truly us they are angry with or have hate toward. They really are angry with God and they hate the Lord Jesus. The problem is, we represent Him to them and so they attack us.

They only attack those believers who actually live out their faith seriously in the public square. They want to push the influence of Christ on our world into a closet. Once we understand that it is the fact that our beliefs produce a lifestyle that is in contradiction to us we will understand why they hate us. We do not have to say a word to them about their sin because the way we lives telegraphs to them that we do not accept or approve of their lifestyle.

Just living out the principles of the Word of God puts us at odds with those who don’t know Him. Because this serves as an irritant that makes them terribly uncomfortable they seek to destroy our voice by shutting our voice and behavior out of the public square. They hate Jesus  but they express that hatred toward His people.

In the words of Wisdom 2:12-21

 12 Therefore let us lie in wait for the righteous; because he is not for our turn, and he is clean contrary to our doings: he

upbraideth us with our offending the law, and objecteth to our infamy the transgressings of our education. 13 He professeth to have the knowledge of God: and he calleth himself the child of the Lord. 14 He was made to reprove our thoughts. 15 He is grievous unto us even to behold: for his life is not like other men's, his ways are of another fashion. 16 We are esteemed of him as counterfeits: he abstaineth from our ways as from filthiness: he pronounceth the end of the just to be blessed, and maketh his boast that God is his father. 17 Let us see if his words be true: and let us prove what shall happen in the end of him. 18 For if the just man be the son of God, he will help him, and deliver him from the hand of his enemies. 19 Let us examine him with despitefulness and torture, that we may know his meekness, and prove his patience. 20 Let us condemn him with a shameful death: for by his own saying he shall be respected. 21 Such things they did imagine, and were deceived: for their own wickedness hath blinded them.

Our response should be twofold. First we should recognize the cause of their opposition to Christians and Christianity . . . . namely, they are unsaved. Recognizing their alienation from God and His people and the things of God we should pray for their salvation. Not only should we pray we should actively and aggressively present the Gospel of redemption to them. Confront them with the fact that before God there are sinners; share that in spite of their sinful lives God loves them as sent Jesus to die for their sins; we need to make sure they know that this condition while fatal is not inevitable. They can be forgiven and transformed by the power of the Gospel.

Second, we are to be active in the public square. We must be actively involved in the political, social and economic mechanisms of out society.  If we are not we will with escalating speed so our religious and civil liberties taken from us by those who neither understand us or like us.

However, we cannot do that by stooping to their levels of action and expression. We must be, as they think we believe, better than that. Our actions must always reflect the love and grace of God. After all Jesus did not just die for our sins only but for the sins of the whole world.

The Bible tells us, “[Jesus] is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” (1 John 2:2 NIV).  Jesus died for the sins of every person who ever lived . . . . . including mine, yours and theirs. That’s how much He loves us. If you believe in Him as your Savior, full forgiveness and salvation in heaven is yours. You don’t receive those gifts by anything you do or don’t do. It’s a free gift, given by grace. Unfortunately not everyone will accept the gift He offers.

The Measure of Success As A Preacher

Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands." Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword. - Exodus 17:8-12 I was watching a tribute to the late Evangelist Billy Graham on the one year anniversary of his passing at the age of 99 when I once again began to recall the few times in my life when our paths crossed and our lives touched. The first, was when I was visiting Houston Baptist College in the mid 1960's; the second was a few years later when I was attending Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and the third was in Denver Colorado where I attended a Billy Graham School of Evangelism. Each of those encounters was pivotal in my life. They were short and informal conversations from which I drew great encouragement. I am certain that for him those three occasion became lost in the thousands of other brief moments in his life but for me they have loomed larger than life. During that first three or four sentence conversation in which he asked me, "What do you plan do with your life?" I replied, :To be a preacher." Now, 54 years later, his response still rings within my heart and soul. I hear it as clearly today as I did that day . . . . "Then preach the Cross - stay with the gospel." The truth is we preachers have a responsibility to encourage young men called to preach. We need to encourage them to be true to the gospel and preach Christ Jesus. We need to ingrain within their soul the eternal truth that what the world needs and really wants is to see Jesus and know that in Him they can have their sins forgiven and their destiny assured. The second time, at SWBTS, the takeaway was drawn from the fact that as he was walking past a line of students in which I was standing he stopped abruptly, looked at me and said, "We've met before." The mere fact that as he was leaving he recognized me in that crowd and remembered meeting me somewhere previously. Again, I was lifted up and encouraged. As an aside, I also remember once when I was a newly arrived preacher in Beaumont, Texas and attending the Golden Triangle Baptist Association's annual Evangelism Conference that only a few of my new colleagues every spoke to me beyond, "Good to see you brother," as they made their way to someone else. Well, as the Lord would have it a dear friend, who at the time happened to be the Director of Evangelism for the Home Mission Board, Darrell Robinson was the principle preacher for the event. After he spoke and while prayer was being offered he stepped down from the platform and quietly came and sat down beside me. By that simple act he raised my presence among my new colleagues. Not only so but a handful of my Deacons who were in attendance as well. At the end of that evening program nearly every colleague want to speak to and with me. This is what great leaders do. If they by a word or an action can encourage and lift others then they speak that word or take that action. Now, in Darrell's case it was intentional but in Graham's case it was habit. Both of these men were encourager's to me and I suspect neither long remembered the words spoken or actions taken. I could go on and on naming the people who the Lord used to touch my ministry and shaped my life but my point is that what we have received we are to "Go thou and do likewise." Each of us is to be an encourager. Whether by design or by habit of life we can do for others what these two men did for me. None of these words or actions were a big deal to them but these small actions were a big deal to my life, my preaching and ministry in general. That brings me to another thought that is closely related. I know a lot of people who in the Christian realm (applies elsewhere too) were strong leaders in and of their own rights but never achieved that greatness that makes one's name synonymous with some achievement. Of these people, I have heard some critically say things like, "Oh, how sad they never reached their full potential." Or, "Isn't it sad, they had so much potential but never realized it." To that I have a couple of things to say. First, a word about "achieving greatness." I am pretty sure that is not the goal of the God called preacher. There are no illusions of greatness only a desire to faithfully preach the Gospel in the place where God places us. The measure of greatness before God is faithfulness in service. We must always remember that every Christian leader, especially His preachers, serves at the pleasure of the Lord. He calls them, equips them and assigns them a realm of service. Every person who answers that call and faithfully serves where assigned is already successful. They may not achieve greatness but after all they are servants of the Lord. I always wonder when people come away with more praise for the earthly leader than the Lord he proclaims. Sadly for far too many success is measured in worldly terms. We have still not moved too far from the old three "B's" of success, that is, buildings, budget and baptisms. We look at the size of the building in which they preach and the crowd numbers to whom they preach and how much money comes into the church coffers. By these standards clearly some are faring better than others. But keep in mind many a secular leader has done the same. The 3 "B's"" has always been the wrong standard of greatness and success for the body of Christ, . . . the church. Fortunately it is the Lord, not his people, who decide the standards of success and greatness. We forget that Jesus stated the standard of success by saying, "He who is faithful over little  will be made ruler over much." I remember a day when among preachers there was no hierarchy of authority, success etc. We were brothers in Christ called by the Lord to preach the same gospel and to do so wherever the Lord chose to place us. Too be sure some were deeper thinkers and others better orators but all had the same call and same measure of the Holy Spirit to accomplish what God assigned them individually. I remember hearing a Fort Worth pastor's reply to a young theological student who was being critical of churches made up of largely "high society" types. He said, "God calls some to minister to the 'up and out' and others to the 'down and out'. . . . clearly He has called you to later." There is an old gospel song that says, Brighten the Corner Were You Are." We remember that we are to do that by remember that Jesus is the light of the world so as Bill Graham admonished me 54 years ago, just preach Jesus. By worldly standard William Carey was a failure but by divine determination he without doubt heard upon entering Heaven, "Well done thou good and faithful servant." We seem to forget that regardless of the level of success by the "3 B's" unless you are in the place where God wants you doing the things He assigned you, . . . . .you have not succeeded. As ministers of the Gospel we are part of a team and we are not the leader of that team. We are literally a "Band of Brothers." As such we endeavor to encourage one another; we take opportunities to lift one another in prayer; we counsel one another; and we respect each other as our equal. Moses was the great man God had called and assigned the task of leading Israel out of Egyptian bondage. As that God called leader endeavoring that God assigned take he made both good and bad choices and was judged not by his peers and not by his people but by the God who called him and assigned him his task. So for 40 years he wandered in the wilderness with a rebellious bunch of God's people. However, Moses was not the only leader among the throngs of people. There were many. These included men like Hur, Joshua and Aaron. They were pivotal to Moses being able to successfully complete the assignment God assigned him. They did this by being faithful to the task to which God called them. A powerful example of what they did to insure that Moses and with him Israel's success was assured was when the Amalekites, a group of nomadic raiders, attacked Israel. You remember that while Joshua led the Israel's troops into battle Mosses, Hur and Aaron watched from a nearby hill. As they watched they noticed that as long as Moses had his hands raised the battle went favorably but as he wearied and let his hand drop the battle went against them. Seeing this Hur and Aaron responded by helping Moses keep his arms lifted. The came alongside and strengthened him for his task. As each was faithful to their tasks the victory was theirs. Faithfull over little  . . . to ruler over much."  Moses was the senior guy with the call to deliver Israel from Egypt and bring them to the promised land. Joshua, Hur and Aaron's task was to support Moses. Interestingly enough Moses was permitted to see the Promised Land but God selected Joshua to lead Israel to possess the land. All of us who have been called of the Lord to preach the Gospel are of equal standing before the Lord. Hopefully we are in the place that the Lord wants us. Let us, who are called of God to preach, be faithful where he places us to preach the gospel and not fall into Satan's trap that has already consumed so many by thinking that big equals success. As brothers in calling we should not be jealous of each other nor disparaging of each other. Instead we should encourage and pray for one another. And as I mention in the beginning it is little things we do and say that are more often than not pivotal to our lives. Jesus has said,  "Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life."