Pray for your pastor but also Pray for his family.

I want to begin by reminding you of last week’s posting. In that posting I repeated a young woman’s experience as a pastor’s child. I did this using her very own words. The reason for that was that she articulated the experience of living in a pastor’s home as well as anyone I have ever read. And I would recommend that you take the time to go back and read that posting. Read it, not so much for what I said, but for what she shared of her own personal experience.

I close that blog entry out by saying that in my next posting I would talk something about pastors wives at the significant role they play in the life of the pastor of the church. I want to begin by telling the story the I first heard from my Australian friend Dan Kemp. It goes like this….

It seems that a young pastor and his wife had taken up ministry responsibilities in a local Baptist church somewhere in Australia. This young pastor was zealous in his ministry. Up every morning by 5:30 AM for prayer and meditation followed by very quick breakfast and off to his office. He spent the entire day in ministry activities and then well into the night as well. Clearly, any bystander watching would be able to tell that he was neglecting his family.

The young pastor’s wife feeling the stress of her husband’s heavy ministry schedule called the pastor relation minister that just happened to be my friend Dan Kemp. After speaking with his young pastor’s wife Dan decided that he needed to have a conversation with this young minister about his family responsibilities. So he telephoned the young minister and made an appointment.

Dan told me that on the day of the appointment he arrived in took the young minister to lunch and for an informal conversation about his domestic life. He told the young minister that is wife had called and that she was feeling neglected. The young man’s response was “I guess that I have just married the wrong woman as a minister.” To which Dan replied, “she might have been the wrong woman when you married her she’s the right woman now.” You’re simply going to have to reschedule your time and take care of the ministry you have two your wife.

I tell that story because number one I know it’s true and number two I think it’s more common than most people realize. I know for my own personal experience of a 40+ years of ministry that pastor spend a great deal of time away from their families. Much of this cannot be helped. But not all of that time is necessary. Pastors must schedule time for their families. This is especially true if they have children.

Now I know that the pastor feels a sense that he is been called of God and that if he does what God wants them to do in the way of ministry God will take care of his wife and his children and see to it that their needs are met. However he must also be aware of the fact that that same God that he serves has stated emphatically that any man who does not take care of his own family is essentially worse than an infidel. Pastor your first ministry field is your family. If you do not shepherd your family well you will not pastor your church well.

Now having stated that the pastor has a responsibility to his family to budget time so that he can have quality time as well as quantity time with his family and develop relationships with both his wife and his children I want to speak a word to his congregation. The congregation has a responsibility to the pastor as much as the pastor has a responsibility to the congregation. Now chief among those responsibilities is the responsibility to pray for your pastor.

I would suggest that you begin by praying that he can organize his time in such a way as to allow him to spend quality time with his family. I would go to even so far as to suggest that the church has a responsibility to see to it that he spends time with his family. Most Baptist pastors that I know are driven. They want to see the church grow; they want to see souls brought into the kingdom; they want to see members of the church mature in their Christian faith; and they want to prepare and preach the best sermons they are capable of producing. For that reason it is essential that his family not be forced out of his schedule by the demands of church programs.

In my case, I’m not sure that my ministry would’ve been possible were it not for the support of my wife. There might be at least 100 ways in which she was supportive but the two principal ways were keeping the home fires burning and being involved in by ministry activities. And in my case she also my three calendars.

Sunday, October 13, 2019 is the official “Pastor Appreciation Day.”  Pastor appreciation Sunday has always been one of the days that I look forward to when I was involved in active ministry. In the churches where I served as pastor I can always count on pastor appreciation day being a day of material blessing. Almost without fail I would receive some kind of monetary gift that Sunday morning. On many occasions in addition to the monetary offering I would also receive the gift of a complete new suit and everything that went with it. On one Sunday I even received a new car. And I have to tell you those monetary gifts and gifts of material things were always appreciated and needed. I want to take just a moment to thank the members of those churches and thank the Lord for putting it on their hearts to do so.

However, those days also included a spiritual gift. Church members would commit to pray for me and my ministry in the coming year. They would commit to be supportive of the programs of the church as I endeavored to leave them to accomplish what I believe to be God’s purpose for our lives in a given time. Occasionally not only would they make those commitments but they would initiate that year of prayer by the laying on of hands and prayer.

Like I said, those are all good things and I believe every single church ought to dissipate in pastor appreciation in some kind of tangible and material way. However, more important was the spiritual gift of a commitment to uphold me in prayer. I believe prayer changes things. I believe it changes the person who is prayed for and I believe it changes the person doing the praying. When we pray for one another in the economy of God our bond in the Lord is strengthened.

Many years ago I remember hearing Dr. Ed Young of the second Baptist Church of Houston tell the story of a businessman and deacon in another very prominent church (I believe that prominent church was the first Baptist Church of Houston). It seems the man, a prominent business person, telephoned Dr. Young and asked for an appointment which Dr. Young granted. But the man arrived and after some formalities and introductions the man told Dr. Young that he was planning on joining the second Baptist Church. Ted asked him why he was doing his church.  The man replied that he was unhappy at his church…….He said that his pastor no longer preached relevant sermons. Furthermore the choir was not singing songs that test the heart and in fact the old music program was lackluster. He said not only that in the deacons just won’t do what they are supposed to do.

After hearing the man story Dr. Young said well he would be happy for him to join their church but before he did anyone needing to do something…….He wanted to go back to the church where he belong and begin praying for that pastor that the Lord would give them better sermons and that the Lord would give the music ministry better music and that the deacons would become more active in meeting real needs. The man agreed.

Time went by and after six or seven months and still have not heard from the man in so he picked up the telephone and he gave a call. He asked the man where he had been. “I thought you were going to join our church at the end of the six-month period.” The man replied Dr. Young that’s exactly what I had intended to do but so the strange thing happened. When I began to pray for our staff pastor the others it seems the pastor’s preaching like he never preached before and the music is so uplifting. I just can’t imagine going anywhere else. What was the difference that the pastor at the other Baptist Church — change probably not. But see significantly different probably not and did the deacons take on new responsibilities and began meeting the needs of the congregation more than in the past maybe. You see what changed was not so much those who were prayed for but those who did the praying.

I had a music director once more time whose favorite song entitled simply”Others.” Somehow when we pray for others and we minister to the needs of others we find that we ourselves become more like our Lord. But not only do we become more like our Lord those for whom we pray seem to become more like him as well.

Like I said, I always wanted the congregation to pray for me that I would compare better sermons preach better sermons and that our services will be more impactful and our community better served. But I would suggest that if you really want to bless the pastor; if you really want him to be a better preacher that you pray for his wife and his children. Don’t just commit to pray for your past . . . . . . Pray for his family

Pray for his wife. Most members of the congregation don’t realize that in addition to his regular pastoral duties church such as sermon preparations, program planning, committee meetings, community involvements, denominational responsibilities and a regular visitation of church member scheduled the pastor also spends countless hours comforting, counseling and encouraging members of the church privately. This often makes his work week 70 hours plus.

This means that his wife has in addition to her responsibilities at the church an inordinate percentage of the home fire responsibilities. She must assume and carry out many of the activities that a father would be doing. She very often is the epitome of the harried housewife. All of this she does while maintaining a sweet disposition and a cheerful persona. She often has to assume the role of counselor with many of the ladies and children in the church.  She does all of this often with no confidant with whom she can share her pains, her sorrows, and her concerns. Add to that she very often serves as the confidant for a pastor husband.

I can confirm that in our case when my wife told the church member that she didn’t know anything about something she was telling the truth. Because of my upbringing in church life I knew that many a church member especially women would pry her for information. This was probably never so true as it was when I was pastor at the Fairmont Central Baptist Church and a certain woman constantly try to manipulate her into divulging information that she was not entitled to have. You see I made it a practice that I’ve never shared information given to me in confidence with anyone without the consent of the people involved. That included not telling my wife. What is the upside of that was if she didn’t know she couldn’t tell and they might as well not try. But this lady tried everything to no avail.

Now I know that not every member of the church is interested in learning what takes place when the pastor counsels other members of the church but I also know that in every church there is at least one or two people who are. And it is those that you need to pray that both your pastor and your pastor’s wife are protected from. As a side note I would point out that for all my years of ministry I did keep a journal and much of those conversations were recorded in that journal. They were recorded for posterity they were recorded so that if I should need that information in the future I had it readily available.

Not only should you pray for your pastor and your pastor’s wife but you should also pray for your pastor’s children. As I shared in my previous posting pastor’s children often encounter all sorts of unique challenges. They get them in school in the form of ridicule and they get them a church in the form of unrealistic expectations. I would suggest that as you pray for your pastor’s children you include yourself in that prayer that you might allow his children to have a “normal” life.

So what is the conclusion of this matter? In my mind this is it. First, determine that you are going to be supportive of your pastor by seeing to it that he has an adequate income sufficient to meet the needs of the family at a level consistent with that of the church members. Second, pray for him to grow and mature spiritually as a pastor and a a parent. Thirdly, pray for his wife and children. I might even add a fourth and that is determine to be their friend.

I want to close with a true story from the first church were I served as a senior pastor.  I was invited by one of my deacons (Howard Zimmerman a man of integrity and one of 3 great Deacons in that church) to his home for coffee one morning. During that meeting he shared with me how that as a young deacon in Price, Texas (also called Carlisle) he had been convinced by two older deacons to lead a move to , in his words, "run the preacher off."  This the did. Years later he said that one of those men as he was dying in the hospital confessed that he and the other man had contrived the story that was used to get rid of the pastor.

Zim, that's what we all called him, said to me that he spent several years trying to locate that pastor and ask for his forgiveness. He said, "I thought I was on the right trail when I located his daughter living in El Paso. However, when I spoke with her she told me, "I wish you could but daddy died a year ago."  Zim told me he was heartbroken . . . .now he could not have the man's forgiveness. He went on to say, "As I prayed about this the Lord clearly said to me, "You will from this day forward be a friend to your pastor whoever that man is and however good he is as a pastor and or preacher." I have tried to do that ever since. "Bro. David," he said, "Lord willing I will be your friend." He went on to say he would always be truthful with me, keep my confidences and pray with me. From that day until I left Kilgore, Texas for La Porte. Howard Zimmerman and I met once a week in his kitchen for prayer and sharing. My wife often met with us.  Oh, and when we needed to privately we'd take a trip to the rock grinding house.

May every pastor and every pastor's wife have a friend like Howard and Mary Zimmerman.