In A Macabre Way

Last week I took part in the Memorial service for a young man whose wedding I officiated twenty-five years earlier. He was fairly new to the Kingdom of God back then having only recently become a Christian and been baptized. He was an even newer member of our church. His bride was a lovely young lady who had been a member of our church I suppose most of her life and whose family had deep roots in our church. I do not know of a finer example of what being a husband and wife is all about than this couple. They didn't just live together they had a real mutually fulfilling relationship . . . something that's a rare thing in today's world of electronic connections.

Like so many brides and grooms for whom I have officiated wedding over the years they both seemed young. I remember thinking to myself when I first saw him, "He must be standing in for an older brother."  But I digress. My point right now is not to eulogize him. I did that at the memorial service.

My point is that the night before the memorial service there was a family visitation time. That's a time when friends, neighbors and acquaintances visit with the family to remember and express their condolences.

I couldn't help but notice at that visitation that with the exception of all the police (I didn't mention the young man was a policeman) it seemed more like a family reunion and a church homecoming than a visitation. As I reflect on this experience I began to realize that most of these that I have been to in recent years, including those in my own family, in a macabre way were becoming substitutes for family gatherings. Now that's not an altogether bad thing but there is a certain sadness about it that goes beyond the death that from time to time brings us together.

At this point I'll be a bit nostalgic. I remember in my own family that there was a time when weddings and death were not the only occasions that brought our extended families together. Of course in those days families lived pretty close together and so getting together was not so hard.

My dad and his siblings often gathered on weekends for a kind of Friday or Saturday night Jamboree. There'd be instruments to play, songs to sing and just plain fun to be had. I recall family and friends gathering for table games at each other's homes. In addition to being a lot of fun we were learning a great deal about each other. By the time I was grown we knew each other well. We new our faults and our strengths; we knew what made each of us happy and we knew what hurt. More importantly we were bonding.  It was a real social networking program where hands and hearts could actually touch.

In additional we had those annual gatherings when the whole tribe would gather at a predetermined location. I suppose the big chiefs decided all that. All I know is it got louder, more crowded and more fulfilling with each family that arrived. We, each family unit and all of us together were the Appleby's and unlike this year's Survivor blood was always thicker than water.

But alas, as I am all too frequently reminded that those days are gone. I suppose I'll have to wait until one of my cousins or another friend dies to see all the family together again. I told you there was something macabre about all this. Now for our family as for the family of the one whose life we celebrated on this occasion these are not morbid times. To be sure there is a sadness in the air and during some of the conversations lumps suddenly appear in the throat and a tear rolls down the cheek.

However, for the most time we are remembering the good times and thanking God that he wove the person whose life we celebrate into the fabric of our life. There was laughing and story telling. It is a time of thanksgiving for the fact that God brought our lives together both in living and dying. The only real difference between our reunions of days gone by and these of today is that someone has died.

That night we shared our experiences with family members and friends. I saw former church members, some of which played a large roll in my life.

I don't like how our society has evolved. Socially we moved from the front porch to the back deck; from the open yard to the privacy fence; from meeting in our homes to maybe meeting at a restaurant if we meet at all. We've gone from church fellowships to committee meetings and from family reunions to funeral home gatherings. We need to set aside the "smart" phones, I-Pads etc.; We need to leave Twitter, Facebook and Pintrest just long enough to reintroduce ourselves to each other and get to know the real us. I wonder sometimes if we can live without these machines.

Many years ago I had a deacon in a church who bought a boat. Now, there is nothing wrong with owning a boat. In fact during my "fishing" days I wanted one myself. At any rate, as time pasted this brother and his family began to miss more and more church. In fact, by his own count he once missed 13 Sundays in a row (3 months). Then, following a series of boating mishaps (wife falling in lake twice after which she ceased to go with him, the boat running aground a few times and finally one Sunday morning during a squall on lake Palestine it was dashed against the rocks and suffered sever damage that cost a small fortune to repair. That night, he was in church and asked to speak to the congregation and here is what he said, "Y'all know I bought a boat about six months ago." He continued, "I always wanted to own a boat . . . it had been a dream of mine since I was a kid." Then he recounted all the things that had happened over the past 13 weeks and concluded with, "God showed me this morning that I only thought I owned a boat but that in reality the boat owned me." "It became the means by which the devil has tarnished my witness. and as a Deacon I want to apologize and ask your forgiveness."  Then it was a boat . . . maybe now its a smart phone or Facebook.


Oh, I know we are never going back to the days of yesteryear but if we don't reclaim some of that has been lost we will eventually all find ourselves alone. I've started leaving my cell phone at home on most weekends. Mostly just to prove to myself I am not addicted to the thing.

However, few things bother me more than trying to speak with someone who is constantly reading Twitter posting, email and Facebook. I want to say, "Common Man, get a real life." What I am really saying is put down the phone and spend some time in conversation with a relative or friend. Don't have a relationship with an electronic device. Have a relationship with a living breathing person. Now go forth an conquer and I'll see you at the next family visitation.