Some Thoughts on Divorce

Over more than 40 years of ministry I guess I have had the joy of having officiated hundreds if not thousands of weddings. I have also listened to, wept with and hurt for couples (some who I myself pronounced husband and wife) as those marriages came apart for reasons that often would make me shake my head. To be sure some of these couples were doomed from the start and most of us who counsel couples getting married kind of know which ones will survive and which ones will not.

Consequently, over the years I have done a lot of thinking and talking about divorce. Divorces like marriage affect the larger family system. Parents, cousins, siblings, and friends are all affected. Often pressured to take one side or the other. Divorce is never just about one broken relationship. It is one broken relationship and a whole family system of adjustments. It is not like changing the sheets. It is like creating a whole new world.

I have spent a lifetime researching and dealing with people who have suffer through divorce. In fact, my major writing project for my Doctor’s degree was entitled, Marriage and Divorce: A Biblical Perspective. It was an eye opening, mind stretching and life changing experience. It changed the way I understood God’s view of marriage and how we are to relate to it.  The principle that I came away with and by which I have tried to evaluate life actions is the mantra, “God does not regulate what He prohibits and He does not prohibit that which He regulates." It behooves us therefore since God allows for divorce to know how He regulates that process.

I remember when I went to Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary as a young student that when a divorced man, regardless of why he was divorced, could not enroll in any of our Southern Baptist Seminaries. It just seemed clear that the fact that he was divorced was proof that he had not ruled over his own household very well and that was one of the qualifications for an  επίσκοπος (Bishop). There was a day when a Baptist church would not even consider a man who was divorced to be on staff let alone the senior pastor.

I have met men who in order to continue serving as a pastor have lied and cheated to keep secret the fact that they had been divorced. In some cases they were actually divorced as a result of their own infidelity. Churches often do not consider a man’s fidelity or past marriage history. Today, I know of several instances where the senior pastor has been divorced twice and married three times.

Truth is, I don’t know a single family in America that has not been touched in some way by divorce. I am of the opinion that most divorces are the result of failing to deal with issues before they accumulate into an unmanageable mess.

Looking back on my own marriage history of some 50 plus years I can tell you that there are plenty of issues that put great stress on marriages. At the time some of these seemed overwhelming but now looked at from the perspective of a long life and shared relationship they seem so insignificant and often are the occasion for a few chuckles.

I was raised in an era when something was broken you didn't throw it away . . . .you fixed it if you could. That should be our attitude toward our marriages when they seem to be breaking apart. Our first effort should be to "fix" it and not prematurely throw it away.

I do not believe most of the divorces I've witnessed were inevitable. Most of these marriages could have been redeemed and the relationships could have become meaningful and fulfilling if the right actions and attitudes prevailed. Ah, but ours is the day of the age of the half-read page. the quick hash, the mad dash, the bright night with the nerves tight and the plane hop with the brief stop. It is all about the moment. We have drawn lines in the sand when we should have been seeking a pathway to advance.

Marriages have always had to bear the stress and strains of conflicting personalities, opposite expectations, unforeseen frailties, and unexpected turns in life.  Couples soon discover that “pillow talk” is not enough to build a lasting relationship. They best have a healthy dose of “table talk” to go along with that “pillow talk.” These conflicts all have answers and the one most commonly overlooked is communication. It takes a lot of talking, caring, sharing and loving to make a marriage work.

However, if the marriage is irreparably broken one of the answers is divorce. It is rarely the best answer but it is one answer. So, if you’ve decided that you don’t want to work it out or the relationship is not salvageable divorce may well be the answer for you.

Experts tell us that in Texas alone 75,000 couples will divorce this year. I want to offer a few thoughts for your consideration as you move forward to dissolve your marriage.

Don’t rush headlong into your divorce. You put a lot of thought and planning into the wedding that created your marriage. In a similar way you should put as much thought and planning into ending your marriage. Take some time and think about what you hope to achieve through a divorce. Make a plan for after the divorce because there will be one. Try and anticipate where the real problems will be after the divorce.

If your divorce can be achieved in the same way your marriage was conceived then it can be a rewarding and have long term positive effects on all involved. I personally know several couples who were mature enough to sit down at their kitchen table and work out the terms of their own divorce. They then took the results of that “table talk” to a local family practice attorney and said, “write it up.”

But if that doesn’t work (These ideas are the same ones an amicable divorce needs they are just addressed openly and forthrightly with the end of both people and any children all getting through the experience in the best possible way) then here are the things you need to seriously weigh.

The most obvious thing thing that is going to change and one that will make a major impact on your lifestyle is your finances. You are going to discover that maintaining separate households is more expensive and your income is going to shrink in the best of scenarios.

• So start well before filing for a divorce to establish yourself as an independent financial entity. Start saving money in an account in your name only (these must be disclosed but you’ll need them during the divorce process.)

• Began to establish a credit record separate from your marriage.

• Make a list of the jointly owned possessions that you would like to keep and the ones you don’t mind giving up to your spouse.

• Keep in mind that in the State of Texas where I live the division of property is not based on what is fair. In a divorce proceeding it is not 50/50. The standard in Texas is a bit more ambiguous and subjective than that and has nothing to do with an equal distribution of assets. Here in Texas we are a community property state and if you cannot agree in advance on a property division the State will do it for you.

This division will be based on what Texas law calls “a just and right division.” This standard takes into account such things as fault for the breakup; each spouses general health and educational attainment; debts; earning capacity both present and future; parenting ability; and even more importantly any existing or future separate property.1

• If there are children under the age of 21 and in some cases older Child support will be paid. This is a statutory obligation.

• Finally, regardless of whether yours is an amicable or hostile divorce get a good attorney. Make sure they specialize in family law. You should also use a local attorney who knows the courts and the judges as well as the other attorneys practicing family law. My experience is that divorce these days is either negotiated or arbitrated. Negotiated is better.2

• Keep in mind that if you have children you will be ties to you spouse for as long as he/she pays child support and have custody/visitation.

In every instance where children are involved one spouse will pay child support and the other will receive child support.

Whatever direction your divorce takes keep in mind there really is life after Divorce.

Now, having given that advice I want to say that I rarely recommend divorce as an answer to what constitute most marital issues. It is a last resort in most cases. To be sure there are situations where I would recommend divorce but they involve the really big issues of physical and psychological abuse and the like. For financial issues I recommend a good financial advisor and relationship counselor. In some instances a “Life Coach” to help with the “how” of making needed financial changes. In the same way most other issues can be resolved. Seek advice from people who have had successful marriages not those who have failed. Above all keep the lines of communication open.

Keep in mind that God hates divorce; has an ideal for marriage; and provides grace to make marriage work. But do not forget that God does not prohibit what He regulates and He regulates Divorce. It behooves us to understand His regulations and act within them.

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 1 Two important points. First, the judge has little discretion in setting the amount—it is based on income and number of children per the Texas Family Code. Second, don’t hold your child support hostage. Pay it—even if your ex-spouse withholds visitation. If you don’t, you could go to jail. Likewise, the spouse receiving child support may not withhold visitation even if the paying spouse is not current on child support payments. Also, just because you didn’t pay your child support and the child is now past the age for which child support is paid does not mean you are home free. Nope, you will still have to pay it and do so with interest and penalties. Never delay or miss a child support payment if you can avoid it.

2 Are they Board certified? At least in theory they have mastered the complexities of the Texas Family Code; They should be seasoned trial skills and a strong work ethic are critical who prepare their cases as though they will go to trial because that generally results in a negotiated settlement.

Married 50 Years: And Still Loving It.

My sister has been having my blog printed in book form and sending me a copy of each book as it is completed. I actually started blogging back in 2009 and, as this missive proves, continues to this day. I understand that volume four is in some stage of production.

At any rate volume three arrived last week as Susan (my wife of 50+ years) read through it she noticed that I had not written anything in 2016 about our 50th Wedding Anniversary or the reception our children had in our honor.

When I came into the room she said, “I’ve been reading your blog entries.”  “Yea,” I said, “what do you think of them."   She replied, “Well, you have written about High School Reunions and just about everything under the sun but not a word about our 50th Anniversary or the reception the children gave for us.” I thought to myself, “uh-oh.” Implied in that statement was the question, “wasn’t it important enough to you to write about it?” I really had no answer that would satisfy her but I knew very soon I’d be writing this blog entry so I just said, “Well, the reception was not held until March 2017 . . . maybe you should start reading my blog online and not waiting on the printed book.” Boy, was that a dumb thing to say.

Now you have to understand that we were married on December 23, 1966. Also know that I had not forgotten that date or that December 23, 2016 marked our 50th wedding anniversary. Truth is, I knew she had her heart set on having a reception celebrating our 50 years as husband and wife and I did everything I could to encourage fulfilling her wish. It just wasn’t to be.  Schedules were just too full with holiday events to make it happen then. I will also set forth in my defense the fact that we had mini 50th Wedding Anniversary events all throughout 2016 including a December 7 day cruise.

Fortunately for me one of our daughters pointed out that they (our children) would get together, set a date and make a plan. Those of you who know Susan personally know that she is likes to know all the details about everything. She doesn’t mind surprises as long as she knows about them in advance. As one of daughters told her, “Mom, don’t worry, we’ll take care of everything. It will all be good.

Well, the e-mails, text messages and phone calls flew back and forth as the planning was taking shape. A date was chosen and a plan came together that resulted in Sunday March 5, 2017 being “D-Day” for the reception. With that the count down clock was started.

 About the only part I played was giving them my mailing list to work off of for sending invitations.

Then, when given the green light, I sent out a personal  email invitation to just about everyone I know just in case the children had missed someone. Truth is, our children have no idea how many people we know both socially and in other ways . . . I can assure you it is a lot more than they think.

The only thing I insisted on was that the invitation let people know that we did not want any gifts.

What we wanted was their presence. However, if they do want to make a gift please make it to our favorite Charity . . . . Mission Dignity. I am happy to say that those who chose to give, their gifts when taken together, made a very healthy donation to that project.  It is the only charity that I support these days.

I’d love to tell the story of all that planning but the truth is I don’t know anything about it except that that in the end it turned out to be a perfect day for us.
 
So, I’ll reiterate on Sunday, March 5th of this year (2017) our children honored us with a Fiftieth

Wedding Anniversary Reception. It was held at our daughter, Charity’s home in Pearland, Texas. We got up Sunday morning and the house was literally converted to a reception area. Tables for people to use as they enjoyed the buffet were strategically placed so that folks could visit. A “this has been our life” video was playing as loop. Susan’s wedding dress (which still fits) was on display as were photos and other memorabilia. In the end it turned out to be a perfect day for us.

Like the tables and chairs we were stationed at the front door to greet guests as they arrived and our youngest daughter, Stacie, served as photographer and took pictures of us with our friends as they arrived.

During the lulls between people arriving I, as did Susan, visited with our friends from over the

years and introducing them to each other.  There were people in attendance from every church we ever pastored except the very first one. It was interesting to listen as they shared with each other their memories of our ministries together. It was gratifying as they shared with us their gratitude and affection.

Additionally we had all of our children and grandchildren present and I can tell you that nothing . . . absolutely nothing . . . brings Susan and I more joy than having all our family present. So I have say all in all the reception was a huge success and we are appreciative of all the thought, energy and expense that our children went to in making it a special day for us.

What I loved about the event was:  My children put it all together; Susan and I were able to share it together; and, it allowed us to get a glimpse of the Tapestry God has created of our lives from the time we were naive young lovers through all the stages of our life together and where we are today.

However, in addition to being special for all the reasons I have mentioned it was even more special as a time where we reflected on our life journey. A few weeks ago Susan and I went to see a play written by Judy Norton of The Walton’s fame She played the part of Mary Ellen in the series. The play, titled Moments Remembered: The Lives and Loves Lily and Daniel Grant. Judy not only wrote the play she stared in it with Don Most. You’ll remember Don from the series Happy Days in which he played Ralph Malph
.
The play is about the life stages of a married couple beginning from their first date through Lily’s death. Well, that is sort of what our 50th Wedding Anniversary was for us . . . except for the death part and we have given that some thought as well. It was for us a time of remembrance.

Remembering how we met and our dating all through high school. For details you’ll have to read my book but suffice it to say we were flooded with memories of being young and in love at an early age. There was never any question in our minds or in the minds of those who knew us in those days that we were meant to be together. Over time I have come to understand that it was without question a God thing.  Amazingly as a 16 year old I couldn’t imagine Susan not being in my life and now at the age of 70 I feel it even stronger though I know that for one of us it will one day happen. One of us is in for a whole new experience unlike any we’ve had thus far. It is an inherent part of the cycle of life as ordained by God . . . though it makes me sad to think about it.

Every photograph and every person who came through the door at our daughter’s house was a peg upon which many precious remembered moments were hanging. I couldn’t help but think of the old NBC television program, This is Your Life. On this program, the host would surprise guests and then take them through a retrospective of their lives that included appearances by colleagues, friends, and family. Every time the door opened a new group of life moments were remembered.

In the play, Moments Remembered, they hit all the biggies: dating, marriage, careers, children losses and gains, and aging.  At our 50th Wedding Reception we also hit all the biggies as well as a whole lot of not quiet biggies but still very significant life moments. Susan and I have done a lot of living; we have received a lot of blessing; and, suffered our share of hardship and pain. All of this has drawn us closer to one another.

Our lives have been touched by wonderful people from around the world. We have had moments with the some of the great personalities of our time as well as the not so great. All of them have shaped who we are. This is where I should drop a few names but I will restrain myself. Again, you’ll have to read the book. We have traveled extensively visiting many cultures and seeing, as Howard Carter said when he looked into Tut’s tomb, “many wonderful things.” But the really wonderful part is we saw them together.

Life is too short for a love such as ours.  Ours has been a good life and one of the good things is that we have a few more chapters to write. With God’s help and by His grace we’ll continue to write them together. 

My feelings may well be summed up in the words of Nicolas Spark who wrote in The Notebook . . . “I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.” And yes, “I think our love can do anything we want it to."

What Happened to the Concept of the Church As Family

My long time friend, Terry Clements, responded to the responses of folks to her Facebook posting

regarding the mega churches of our day and the human need for a sense of belonging and significance. The thread said in part

Terry: Thank you everyone for responding. It has served to remind me that back in the day our families may not have believed the same things but we did believe in the value of being in church. Our churches for the most part were not large by today's standards but the "fellowship" among the members was off the chart. This is a "Common Core" I can support.

Denise:  I don't want to be a number in the church, I want to be a person .

Robert: That's is the problem today churches do not put an emphasis on fellowship. From my point of view churches spurn single parent family. I have seen play out in multiple churches in this area.

David Appleby: I really don't want to highjack Terry's thread but I will say that in this present church age we have to a large measure turned away from the Pauline concept of church as a family.

Robert: So what your saying is a large group of people are being left behind by the church?

Denise: I've also found out that some churches don't minister to those that have lost a loved one or call and even check up on their own members of the church either..

David Appleby: What I am saying is a large group of people are missing out on significant, and I believe essential an element, that the body of Christ (Church) is uniquely positioned to provide, i.e., a sense of belonging to a family.

David Appleby: Actually back in the day mentioned in most of these responses there was interaction between churches and the members of the various churches. I had a friend when growing up went to one church on Sunday morning and to our church on Sunday evening. Churches were pretty much the core of our social life.

I ended that conversation there because it took on a more personal tone about the participants own life experience. However, it got me to thinking about what we seem to have lost in the demise of the community based church.

When I was a kid growing up in the 1950's every town usually had about a half dozen or more churches. There would what I used to call the big three: First Baptist Church; First Methodist Church; and First Presbyterian Church. These generally were the churches that grew up with the community as it grew so did they. Over time, as neighborhood began to develop and the communities began to be come town and then small cities the number and kinds of churches also increased.  And to be clear all these churches placed an emphases on church growth.  They wanted everyone to become a Christian and preferably their brand of Christian. Fundamentally they were the shared a common faith but differed on a variety of lessor doctrinal teachings and procedural rules.

I will not talk specifically about each group individually but I will share my impressions of what happened in Baptist church life.

Baptist churches while often different in size were pretty much the same in every other way. I was the product of the Baptist churches of the 1950's. The Baptist church in the 1950's placed a lot of importance on Bible study and age grade Bible teaching. We had a Sunday School Class for everyone from the newly born to the soon to the nearly dead.  You could attend any Baptist church give them your name and age and they would be able to put you in a class just exactly like the one in your home church. Same age, same room arrangement same “quarterly” (Sunday School book) and focused on the same lesson as your friends at your “home” church.

The worship service, like Sunday School, was also much the same from one Baptist Church to the other. I can still see the old Sunday School Report Boards hanging on the left and right of the chancel and a copy of the Church Covenant on the wall to the right of the Chancel. Chancel in a Baptist Church is the platform or the pulpit area.

As you entered the sanctuary you would receive a “bulletin” from a smiling and friendly usher who greeted you at the door. Every door coming into the sanctuary would be manned by a smiling and friendly usher with a hand full of bulletins. Folks would visit and greet one another in the few minutes prior to the start of the worship service. It was generally considered pre-worship fellowship time.

Now back to those bulletins. Bulletins served two purposes. First it contained the most important and urgent announcements for the membership. Second it contained the order of service for the morning and evening services. One really interesting thing was that while specific songs, sermons etc.
would be different from church to church the order of the worship services, especially the more formal morning service) would be the same from church to church.

I suspect this was also the case for the Methodist and the Presbyterians. There were not a lot of rules but there as a lot of standardization.

Now, I’m sure your asking, “Why this trip down memory lane?” Well there is purpose to my method. The structure of the church in the 1050-60's was one that was not so different that Christians of previous eras would be uncomfortable with what was happening. In short, the church of my youth was designed to facilitate fellowship within a family of believers.

This was also the period among Baptists when our churches (all of them) experienced growth and new churches were constantly being created. All of this was the result of the conviction that church is in fact a family more than a community. I however, in the late 1960's and early 1970's the culture began to change but the church continued as the one place where people could experience all the benefits of family. Then some bright fellow wrote a book entitled, A dynamic church: Spirit and structure for the seventies. From that point on the die was cast so that Baptist churches in the community (neighborhood) model would eventually just fade away.

Please take note that I am not hear to decry the changes. Some, have actually been for the good and others not so good. I am here to speak of the value of the Pauline view of the church as a family of believers where the world “family” carries with it all the implications of a family unit.

This brings me back to where I began with the Facebook thread partially quoted above. As that thread developed I learned that the people all had belonged to church where when they had a crises in their life the “church family” did not respond to them with compassion; care for them in their need; comfort them in their sorry; stand with them in their time of trouble. Now to be sure, these things also happened in the neighborhood churches but to a lessor degree.

We have maintained the Pauline doctrine that speaks of the church as the body of Christ in which all the body parts must function in harmony with one another and be healthy for the body to function most efficiently. So with the church.

This is the reason Jesus said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  He said, “Make Disciples” not “win the lost.”

Is there a difference you ask? The answer is yes! Winning the lost speaks only to entrance into the family of God while “making disciples” speaks of helping people discover their calling, spiritual gift and place in the family of God.  It includes winning the lost as the beginning of the making disciple process but not the ultimate goal. The goal is helping them discover their place in the Church and function as the part of the body God has called them to be through use of their Spiritual gifts.
When and where this happens the church becomes what God intends. This is why a small neighborhood church can be a better picture of God’s plan than a huge Mega-church. The small church has less fat (underutilized members) than the Mega-church.

Proverbs 6:6 says, “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!”  Among the things we can learn from observing ants is that every single ant has a function and the whole ant colony is dependent on each ant discovering what their place in the colony is and then filling it. The same is true of the church.

All church members need to be filling their roll as a part of the church thereby making the church what it should be.  Ideally, all that is required for the church to become what God intends a given local church to be is for all the members, individually to fill the spot in the body of Christ (the church) that God has placed them in that church to be.

If this happens, those in the body of Christ who are hurting are ministered to by those who riding high on the blessing of God.  I once had a man in my church who believed (and I concurred with him) that his function in the body of Christ was to help those who were in need. He said to me once, “For many years I did not understand why everything I touch prospered financially until one day reading in the Bible I came across Ephesians 4:28 then I realized it was so I could be His hands to help those in financial need. I honestly believe if I stopped helping people God would stop blessing the work of my hands.”  I tell you this man found his place in the family of God and stepped up to the plate and fulfilled his calling.

He was saved because someone shared the Gospel with him but he was blessed that the person who lead him to faith did more than introduce him to salvation but also started him on a life of discipleship. We are not all called to be the same thing but we are all called to be something in the body of Christ. If that happens then the complaints in the Facebook thread I started with will be greatly diminished. Granted, as I said earlier, it does not guarantee a person will not be overlooked but it does reduces the chances of it happening. Why, because in the neighborhood church we know everyone who attends.

As and aside I might add that the emphases in our contemporary worship on the individual and group praise has taken away from an essential element of the church’s function. Remember that according to James 1:27, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”  In other words that while we want the words of our mouth to be acceptable to God the only way that can happen is when the deeds of our life are in keeping with His purposes as defined in James 1:27 and numerous other passages of Scripture.

“So too, faith by itself, if it is not complemented by action, is dead. But someone will say, You have faith and I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that God is one. Good for you! Even the demons believe that, and shudder!…”  James 2:1719.  Clearly, as far as God is concerned the proof of your praise is seen in the actions of your life.

So much of our praise is about ourselves when it ought to be about God and how He has allowed us to be used up in His service. It should flow out of His leading us to become more and more like Jesus every day. Do you like Jesus look out over your town, your city your country and/or your world and weep because they are like sheep without a shepherd. Jesus healed the sick, cared for the dying, and snatched the lost from Hell. I can promise you that leading someone to Christ will produce an up swell of praise in your heart that you’ll never even come close to in a praise and worship song.
This can be done in the Mega-church but it is much harder. Just one reason why I think there will always be a place for the neighborhood church. I also believe that the next generation will see a return to the smaller neighborhood church if for no other reason that the time of trouble that will come upon Christians in the years to come should the Lord tarry.

Lord, help me live from day to day
In such a self-forgetful way
That even when I kneel to pray
My prayer shall be for others.

Help me in all the work I do
To ever be sincere and true,
And know that all I’d do for You
Must needs be done for others.

Let “Self” be crucified and slain
And buried deep: and all in vain
May efforts be to rise again,
Except to live for others.

So when my work on earth is done,
And my new work in heav’n’s begun,
I’ll praise You for the crown I’ve won,
But praise You more for others.

Refrain:
Yes, others, Lord, yes, others,
Let this my motto be;
Help me to live for others,
Help me to live for others,
That I may live like Thee,
That I may live like Thee.

Talking About Things

Our Little Yellow Cottage

Since Susan and I have downsized about as much as a person can without moving under a 2 million dollar bridge I have become inundated with all sorts of suggestions about what to do with the stuff we have "housed" at various and sundry places. Once we moved into the cottage we now occupy we began looking at things we probably would never use again as well as things we couldn't afford to replace if we got rid of them and a few things that couldn't be replaced at any price.

Most of our furniture has either been handed off to our children or friends who needed and would use what we were giving away. Oh, I know we probably could have gone on "Southeast Texas dot com" and made a few dollars by selling that stuff.  But then, I have never been one for selling something when I could give it to someone who couldn't buy it but certainly could use it. Let's see we gave away a complete dinning set with hutch and buffet; Three bedroom suits (Bed frame, mattresses, dresser and chest); and a bunch of other stuff.  After all they were just things. Well,  right now that's what I am doing . . . thinking about "Things."

What we didn't give away we stored, first in a storage facility and later at our children's homes  The rest we have kept around the cottage. It's crowded to be sure. Our small cottage was not designed for 21st century life. It is more like 19th century life. Small rooms and tiny closets.

In spite of that we decided we'd keep some of our "stuff." So we have furniture in our house. It is just

closer together than the furniture you probably have in your house. Our open spaces are more like walkways than open areas. Everyone takes the same route to the bathroom. We opted to keep it that way because, well . . . we just wanted to.  Besides we needed  place to sit and eat; sit and watch TV; and a place to sleep.

I mentioned that our house is a model home for 19th century Southeast Texas. The closets were built for an era when men had a set of work clothes and a set of Sunday go to meeting clothes. Same for the ladies.

Needless to say the house over flows
with clothing and other personal item. Truth is, when I am gone my kids are going to look around and rifle through my stuff, scratch their heads and mutter to themselves, "What was Dad thinking by keeping this stuff?"

Well, I am still here and about to tell you.  So, when I am gone and you are sorting through my "things" aka "stuff'" please be kind in your comments about what you find. Each one of the things I have kept has a story behind them. In most cases it is a story you'll never know but that was important to me. If they were lined up in the order I received them they might well reveal a lot of the story of my life . . . they do to me.

All those things kept represent chapters in my life.  I hope the story they tell reminds you of the song, "and may all who come behind us find us faithful." When our children sort through all our "stuff" what will it reveal about our life and what was important? 

I hope my stuff reminds you of what was important to me.:

• I hope it helps you see how important my sense of a "calling from God" to preach was to me;
• I hope it enables you see how much I loved your mother;
• I hope you are reminded how proud I was of each of my children and loved each one as best I knew how;
• I hope you are reminded of how much I valued friends and loyalty;
• And lastly I hope it will help you focus on what should be important in your life.

I'll tell you now that the reason for some of the things I have kept has nothing to do with their intrinsic value or usefulness. These are things that derive their value from the hands that have touched them.

• I've kept my father's tools because his hands touched them and he used them to feed, clothe and shelter our family as I grew up;
• I have kept some of my mother's kitchen tools (bowls and gadgets) because they remind me how much she did to make our home a happy place to be;
• I have several boxes of things I've garnered from my many journeys and the places of ministry where I served . . . they remind me of the folks I met along the way and the wonderful things God did in those places;
• Some I kept because they reminded me of you while others remind me of your mom and our life together before any of you came along;  
• Some I kept because I might need them "down the road:"
• And a few I kept, well, simply because I wanted to . . . no reason.

I'll tell you now that some of it will be just stuff and may well be just junk to you . . . and that is OK. But as long as I am around it will have a place, even if not a place of honor, in my life. As long as it still serves as a peg upon which my mind has hung some memory that is important to me I'll treat them as the treasures they are. Like the saying goes, "One man treasure is another man's junk."

However, I'll warn you now . . . . not everything you find in and among my stuff is without value! To be sure, for me it all has value because of where it takes me in a lifetime of making memories. However some of this "stuff" actually has real (monetary) value.

So here is my advise: As you go through my things and you find something and wonder, "Why in the world did Dad keep this?" take a minute and ask your mom she might give you a reason that will add to its worth for you as well. 

I might as well go ahead and remind you of something about myself that you should already know but might have missed along the way. I have never been one to broadcast my business so I need to tell you that in and amongst all those sentimental treasures I have kept across these many years are sprinkled a handful of items that also have real value, i.e., they might actually be worth some money

So sort carefully and try and see the sentimental journey all this stuff represent while keeping an eye open for that occasional material treasure. 

What I Learned From The Churches I Served: Last

FCBC Sanctuary We Built

This is the last in a series of Blogs about what I learned from the churches I served. I began in Kilgore, Texas, passed through La Porte, Texas, had a short wander in the wilderness of Boulder, Colorado and my last posting was my sojourn in Beaumont, Texas.

Once I left Beaumont I moved to the Fairmont Central Baptist Church in Pasadena, Texas. This church was I believe God's way of providing us with an affirmation that we were in His will and synchronized with His timing.

This church had gone through a difficult few years. Their founding pastor, Paul Lee had left after many years and he was followed by a novice whose real goal was to have a comfortable place to await his appointment as a Southern Baptist Missionary to Israel. I don’t know much about the dynamics of their ministries but I do know that when I arrived on the scene I thought I had returned to the very first church I pastored.

I spoke with their committee and they told me that they had suffered a number of setbacks and lost a lot of their membership. In fact, the committee said, “We don’t even know if we’ll be able to pay you what we are offering.”  That was scary since it was about half what I had been making and they had no parsonage. However, maybe believing in the carrot and the stick approach to motivation, they added that “But we promise if the church grows we will make up the difference between what we can pay now and what we should pay if the money were there.” And so with that commitment I began my ministry at the Fairmont Central Baptist Church (from now on shall be called FCBC).  That relationship would last more than 15 years.

Let me quickly add that the church did grow and they did keep that promise to make up the difference. One Sunday at the end of the service one of our Finance Committee members stepped forward before I offered the benediction and announced that they were raising my salary to the level it should have been in the beginning and then handed me an envelope. In that envelope was a check in an amount that made up what I had not been paid up to that point.  It is nice when folks actually do what they promise and it blessed us beyond our ability to express our gratitude.

I’ll not take time to recount all the things we did while at FCBC.  Truth is, I was able to take every thing I had learned at all the other places and put them into practice at FCBC. My goal from the beginning was to have a strong pulpit, great fellowship, deepening spiritual maturity, major international mission awareness and that through these to become as Rick Warren might say, “A Purpose Driven Church.”  I believe we succeeded.

An interesting side note was that if you read my last posting you know that at Woodland Baptist

Charles & Janice Ellis worked with us both

at the church and in Partnership Mission Projects

Charles is a Cowboy Poet and Chuck Wagon Cook

Church I had as many as 22 Deacons however at FCBC I had no Deacons. Oh we had a few ordained men but none of them wanted to be a special decision making group. Don’t misunderstand, they did the work of a Deacon and more. What they didn’t want was to be a formal organization. So, I just used them as my counselors and would meet with them informally over coffee.

You might ask what I learned from that experience. Well it was this, it doesn’t make any difference what your organizational structure is as to whether your church can grow. The real key was that the people “had a mind to work”. . . . and work they did. Like the people at Kilgore they undertook every project with enthusiasm; Like the people in La Porte they reveled in fellowship so that every gathering whether worship or ministry they made it fun; and like the folks in Beaumont they they had a vision for missions.

However, it was also at FCBC that I learned that not everyone who praises you is your friend. I learned that not everyone who is on your team is a loyal player. I also learned that there are some people who support you only as long as you are feeding their particular ideas.  As much as I hate to admit it some people are all about ego.

In the beginning work and ministry were fun and exciting. Ron Asbury was again my minister of music. I love this man. He understood my goals and tailored his music ministry to support where we wanted to go as a church. He worked hard and he was loyal. It was such a joy to be together again. Once Ron left the man who followed was a showman but he was not genuine and he was not transparent and in my book most damning of all he was not loyal. But in spite of this the church grew to the point I found myself in another building program. This one was nearly twice the size of the last because it included a wonderful worship center, office suit and educational space.

Our Youth At A Bible Study

In many ways (except for the music ministry) FCBC was a redo of what had taken place at the church in Beaumont. They even took up the Partnership Mission and carried it further. By the time the Partnership with Australia ended I was Directing all the work in Queensland. 

In a sense though we had a different name, made up of different people and located in a different community FCBC was God's way of essentially keeping me in the same church I had left. WE became over time the church that should have been and I believe would have been had we remained in Beaumont.

Then, in 2005 and fifteen years after coming the FCBC I had a major heart attack. My doctors said that I needed extended rest because at the time they believed that I had lost 30% of my heart muscle use. That eventually proved not to be the case but at the time it is what we thought we knew. So I resigned and moved to Dripping Springs where I spent the next two years recuperating.

Epilogue:
After about a year I was leading the music at the First Baptist Church of Dripping Springs who had

Lester Collins when I served with him

in Dripping Springs, Texas

lost their facility to a fire. As they reorganized I worked with their Personnel Committee in drafting a new set of Bi-laws and Personnel Policy.  Most significantly for me I got to work with one the men in Baptist life and ministry that I respected and admired, Lester Collins. Here is an example of why I admired him so much. Lester was nearly 90 when he preached this sermon.

In 2008 I moved back to Beaumont and eventually became a member of the church I had formally served as pastor (Woodland Baptist). The very church where I believed God intended for me to be when I came to the end of my ministry. Not many of the people who were there when I was pastor and a part of our story are there now.

A Few Lessons Learned along the way:

1. I suppose that the single most important lesson I learned from these four churches is that when it comes to leading a church into a growth mode is that no matter what our plans and no matter how hard we labor “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.”  In building His church the Lord uses people with all their abilities and shortcomings but in the end whatever is built is done “'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' saith the Lord.”

2. The next thing I learned was that while the preaching of the Gospel is foolishness to men it is the power of God unto salvation. We must return to the primacy of preaching in our churches. “My speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power.” For this reason I adopted the philosophy of the pulpit in which I saw my responsibility being to make sure whatever I preached was true to the Scripture and then step aside and let God’s Spirit do what only He can do. Never try and make something happen during the invitation just step aside and let it happen and give God thanks for allowing you to share in the experience.

3. Another lesson was the the people had to be unified. The whole body must share a vision for where God wants them to go; they must share a common mission on how to get there; and they must have a solid bond of fellowship. All of this must be real and felt and not just official. We have been to many a “fellowship” where there was no “fellowship!” 

Fellowship means they are together in the Lord but that is expressed by how they are together in the world. Fellowship is essential to growth. The affection people share for one another must be real, it must be felt and it must be constantly nourished.  We must continually remind ourselves that there is no such thing as quality time without quantity of time. 

4. It is essential that we not over praise anyone but always encourage and thank them. Praise goes to God. Somewhere along the way of active pastoral ministry instead of saying “Thanks for your help” I started saying “I just praise the Lord that He lead you to take on this ministry. He really used you in a wonderful way to bless us all” or some similar statement.

5. The pastor must have not only the approval of God but he must also have the support of the people as a whole. I used to tell members of the church who opposed some idea I had to just wait . . . sooner or later I’ll be presenting something you will like. In this vein, unless the pastor is inept or outright unrepentantly immoral he should be supported.

6. Somewhere along the way I learned to give the task to the person who was complaining about what needed to be done. I remember telling one man, "It is clear to me that you have studied this more than I have and that you are really concerned because you were able to muster the courage to come through that door and confront me about our needing to do something about it. I think you'd be the perfect person to take that on."  It worked wonders more than once.

What I Learned From the Churches I Served: Part 3

Woodland Baptist Church in Beaumont, Texas is for me a remarkable experience. First in how we came to be there and also to the conviction I had when left and have to this day that I was leaving before God was finished with what He was doing. There is a sense in which that conviction has never left me.

To be sure I left and went to the Fairmont Central Baptist Church in Pasadena, Texas at a time when Woodland Baptist Church was experiencing its greatest growth. I believed then and I believe now that leaving when I did (note: it was ultimately my decision to leave) was the biggest mistake of my ministry.  God may have moved me on later but against all my judgment at the time I thought it was the only decision to be made.

What I marvel at, and I shall discuss this in the next blog, is how God honors and uses us when we acknowledge we have failed to follow His clear leadership. But alas that is a story for a later date.

If you read the announcement above you will note that it says that I came from the Southern Hills Baptist Church in Boulder, Colorado. However, I never considered myself as pastor of that church. I felt as though I was a “place holder” filling the pulpit while God prepared someone who could bring to that church what was needed.  That ministry only lasted a few months. The real story was not there but how I went from there to Beaumont, Texas.

I had left La Porte (Lomax) in May 1983 for the work at Colorado and spent several months there; I had left Colorado in August 1983 and was living in Pasadena, Texas when a crumpled letter that had been following me around the country arrived in September 1983. It was from Lucille Nolan the Secretary of the Pastor Search Committee of the Woodland Baptist Church.

When it arrived, I told Susan that was the letter I should have received earlier. You see, God has

It all Began Here

always given me an uncanny awareness when He was going to move me from one ministry station to another. That is why I left Lomax in the beginning to go to the church in Boulder.  God indeed was moving me but I jumped the gun and had I waited just one month I would have been at Woodland a full six months earlier. But everything happens in God’s time and for His purposes.

At any rate, after discussing what to do with a six month old letter with my wife we decided I would answer the letter and just let them know why I had not responded sooner. I truly felt that because of the time lapse they had certainly moved on and the church now had a pastor. I just wanted the committee to know that  had not ignored their letter.  To my surprise I received a call from Nathan Cross, Chairman of the committee wanting to know if I could come to his office on the following Sunday.  I agreed and from then it was a quick process of preaching for the committee a week later at the First Baptist Church of Lumberton and visiting with the committee that day.  A couple of weeks later I was preaching in view of a call to be pastor of the church. My the first of official service as pastor was December 4, 1983.

I admit there is much more to that story and I may tell it at another time. What I want to point out is that I learned a lesson from the Lord in this whole experience. One lesson was it is one thing to know God’s will it is another thing to know His timing. I have a new appreciation for the meaning of “They that wait upon the Lord shall mount upon the wings of eagles.”  Both God’s will and God’s timing are of equal importance. Many a mistake has been made by Pastors and churches alike because they knew the Lord’s will in a decision but failed to wait on the Lord’s timing.

My Favorite Place to Preach

I never sought another church after I arrived at Woodland Baptist Church. I truly
believed and must confess I believe to this day Woodland Baptist Church is where God intended me to stay for the rest of my ministry. I shared that with the Deacon’s once I committed to leaving. I told them that, “In spite of the fact that I am accepting the reality of my departure I am still not  convinced leaving is in God’s purposes for either myself or the church.”  The whole of this story will be told but it will not be told here.

The second thing I learned was that even when we have missed the timing, God’s will in these things still can prevail. In my case it was because the Woodland Baptist Church Pastor Search Committee waited on the Lord’s timing while God was

getting me ready for His call to Beaumont.

When I arrived at Woodland Baptist Church is was a blended family. The membership was the result of a merger between an old historic church (Magnolia Avenue Baptist Church) and one of its mission churches (Woodland Baptist Church) and the pastor I was replacing came with the members of the Magnolia Avenue Baptist Church and had been there about seven years (I think). We were literally two churches meeting under the same roof at the same time. My first goal was to find a way to bring these two bodies of believers into one body.

It was here where the cooperation among members I learned in Kilgore came together with the power of a strong fellowship came into play as I plotted a course that would bring these two groups of people with their own unique histories and cultures together as one body. To accomplish that goal I partnered with the then Chairman of the Deacons, Tim Edgar, to achieve that goal. The truth is every great step forward we had was the result of a partnership of some kind.

I should also point out that the average age of the regularly attending members was the late fifties and up with most in the “and up” group.  I remember clearly the day I went in to the senior adult group (110 people) and asked them to support us with their tithes and offerings, their prayers and not make too many demands on our time for whatever time it is going to take to build the church’s younger membership. I recall telling them, “Some of you may not live to see it come to pass but I promise you the investment you have made in this church will live on after you if you give us this kind of support.”

Myself and Tim Edgar Visualizing a New Worship Center

It didn’t hurt that the sanctuary at that time was relatively small and the feeling of growth was fairly easy to create. And grow we did. With about three years the attendance in Sunday School was in the 200's and the worship service in that small chapel of a sanctuary. Suffice it to say that it quickly became apparent to all but the most stubborn among us that we were in need of a Worship Center. 

One of the things I was ill prepared for in church was the role of the Deacon. If you read my two earlier blogs in this series you know that at all my previous churches they were pastor lead and there was only 5-6 deacons and most of our meetings were informal fellowship style meetings.

Woodland Baptist Church, when I arrived, was pretty much a Deacon lead church. Everything that was done, and I mean everything, had to be approved by the Deacon. The Deacons set the business meeting agenda and virtually every committee in the church had to have at least one Deacon on it. At our peak we had 22 Deacons.

Most of these men were faithful servants of the Lord. None-the-less they also constituted a formidable collection of personalities with which to try and work.  The only thing I ever really liked about this was that once the Deacons were convinced of something it was essentially a done deal.

About half of this group was ministry oriented. That is, in addition to “running the church’s business” they participated in leading and doing its ministries.  I remember the late Roy Lambert telling a couple of weeks after I arrived in Beaumont, “Your deacon board has enough brains to run IBM but they don’t know diddle about doing church but they think they do.” As much as I loved working with these men I have to admit that he wasn’t too far wrong. However, over time a handful really learned the joy of ministering over ruling.  I shall leave it to each reader to flesh out who was which.

I wish I could say it was a time of learning how it was to be one among equals when it came to working with this group but alas it was not to be. To a large measure they conducted things as though the pastor was another hired worker rather than God’s "under shepherd." 

Shining Light

Now, having said that,  a lot was done during those years, including the building of a new worship center. We were as busy with ministries as any First Baptist Church I know. We had a weekly Meals on Wheels program; there was a Senior Adult Day; FOOD Pantry; Mother’s Day Out Program; 24 Hour Crises Hot Line; Cooperation with State Mission Commission on new church start ups; Youth Ministry; Full Major Music Ministry; Vacation Bible Schools, Special Bible Study Programs featuring internationally acclaimed Bible teachers and Revival Meetings as well as a Domestic and International Missions Program. In addition I served on Numerous Boards and Committees in the Association and Baptist General Convention of Texas. Most importantly there was added weekly to the church those who were being saved and it was happening without an “organized” visitation program.

I could tick off any number of lessons I learned here about working under constant crises. Suffice it to say that God blessed us all and His church grew until we were nearly filling the sanctuary each week. My ministry here took a lot of directions but it was primarily Pulpit Centric. I grew as a preacher and to a major degree the congregation was built around the pulpit. This is still evidenced in the Church’s book of memories where it is noted that the Pulpit was custom built and paid for in my honor.

Perhaps that was one of the benefits of a Deacon lead church . . . .the pastor (namely me) had ample time to devote to Bible study, prayer and sermon preparation.  From the time I arrived in 1983 until the time I left my focus was the preaching of the Gospel. It was at Woodland Baptist Church where I became a complete preacher. I remember one local pastor who was visiting our service saying to me that when he could slip off and get away he came to hear me preach. That was when Dr. Ed Bowles said to me, “Brother, you have no idea how good a preacher you have become. I’d just as soon hear you as anyone else I know.” Then he added, “In my view you need to be in a much bigger place.” I was, as would anyone be,  flattered and I replied, “I thank you for your kind words but I just want to be where God puts me and right now, in my mind, that is right here.”

Another benefit was being given the latitude to engage in other ministries away from the local church.  One for which I will eternally be grateful was the night at the end of a Deacon’s

Preaching at the Hurstville Baptist Church in NSW, Australia

Meeting in 1985, Tim Edgar, the Chairman of the Deacons, asked me if I would be willing to go to Australia if the church paid for it?”  Taken off guard by his question and halfway thinking he was joking I responded by saying, “Is the church going to pay for me to come back.?”  With a momentary look of bewilderment he said, “Well yes.”  With that question and answer I began a ministry journey that would carry over to the next church and last another 20 years.  There is a whole another story as a result of what was started that night with Tim's question and my answer. None of us that night knew or had any idea of  the journey on which God was going to take me.

It was from this experience that my eyes were fully opened to the fact that even at the local church level we are Partners with Christ in a Ministry than takes us to ends of the earth. I don’t know that I can explain all that Jesus meant when he said, “Other sheep have I.”  But I know one thing, it has to include the multitudes of believers around the world. It is those who came before us; those who labor with us, and those who come after us. It matters not how big the place in which God has planted our lives happens to be . . . it a small part of His kingdom and it is the place of His choosing. Furthermore, no matter how small our spot may be it is a part of something God is doing that is so much bigger than any of us.

• I was sad when I left my friends and fellow saints at Highland Park Baptist Church because I knew I would never see many of them again in this life and in a way it was my 'first" love when it came to churches.
• I was wrong when I left First Baptist Church Lomax because I got ahead of what God was doing;
• But, when I left Woodland Baptist Church, like Travis Zimmerman, I cried that night. Travis cried because he didn’t understand and I cried that night because I did. For whatever reason God revealed to me a couple of things he was going to do. One concerned the church the other myself. All I can say is I left with assurance in my heart that God would meet all our needs in His time.

I will not say more about the events but I need to say that in light of what God revealed to me during that parting experience the time is coming when He is going to once again pour out His Spirit upon His people at Woodland Baptist Church and the church will thrive; feeling long buried will revive; the people will feel the blessing and God will get the Glory. "The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty."  (Haggai 2:9)  "For behold, days are coming, declares the Lord, when I will restore the fortunes of my people," (Jeremiah 30:3)

I once said to someone in this regard, “From your lips to God’s ears.” Now I repeat it with but one small change, “From my lips to God’s ears.”

Woodland Baptist Church was and is a very special place to me and one I have loved like no other.

Here is a sermon I preached at Woodland Baptist Church

  

What I Learned From The Churches I Served: Part One

I have been reflecting lately on my life journey and the churches that God allowed me to serve over my nearly fifty years as a preacher of the Gospel of Jess Christ.  Each one of those church imparted something special to me and each one left an indelible impression on my life.

I suppose the first and most obvious impression is that no one church embodies all the elements of what one might call the “ideal” church. In many ways they were all the same. They were a group of somewhat like-minded people with a shared sense of mission and ministry. They were each and all a heterogeneous group of people who had a homogeneous commitment to faith and practice. I sometimes think had God opened the way to one more church to me that church would have evolved into a composite of all those previous churches.

As I talk about these churches I will stipulate that they each one met the theological definition of a local church from a Baptist perspective.  That is, each and every one was a body of baptized believers joined together in a covenant of fellowship and service designed to facilitate Christian growth and extend the Gospel of redemption to a lost and spiritual dead world. It is in this respect they were a homogeneous group. It the beginning (first church) it was codified in a document that the church had adopted when first organized known as “The Church Covenant.” In later years it was less a matter of an officially adopted document as it was a collective life commitment. Too be sure all of these churches had a copy somewhere and occasionally someone would mention it. The important thing was not that it was written on paper but that it was impressed in the hearts of the members.

They were also homogeneous in the fact that they all had Bible teaching programs (Sunday School etc.) designed to teach the Bible to members and non-members alike.  Let me be clear at this point. None of the churches where I served as senior pastor had any authority for what we taught in our teaching and training programs than the Bible itself. Each of these churches believed that the Bible was the God-breathed Word of God and the sole rule of faith and practice in the believer’s life. These churches were: The Highland Park Baptist Church in Kilgore, Texas; The First Baptist Church of Lomax, LaPorte, Texas; the Woodland Baptist Church in Beaumont, Texas; and the Fairmont Central Baptist Church in Pasadena, Texas.

When it comes to these four church I’ll do like the song in the Sound of Music suggest and start at the very beginning.

Now, with that out of the way I want to talk about what each one of these churches taught me.

When I left Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary to pastor the Highland Park Baptist Church in Kilgore, Texas I still had one semester of seminary to complete. These precious people allowed me to spend the week in Ft. Worth and work in whatever time I could on the field learning how to do what I was being paid to do. Once on the field full time they honored and loved me as though I had always been a part of their family.

Perhaps a little clarity is in order. I arrived at Highland Park Baptist Church with nine years of preaching. I was fully prepared to “preach the Gospel.”  In fact then and now there was no question in my mind that God’s call on my life was to “preach the gospel.” Serving as a pastor of a local church was merely the means for fulfilling that calling. My point is when I arrived at Highland Park Baptist Church I was already a seasoned preacher whose preparation and delivery style were pretty much already set it was my pastoral ministry skills that needed honing.

This church and the people who made it up back in the Fall of 1972 will always be special to me. They were the first congregations who interviewed me as a pastor candidate for their church. They were the first congregation that “took me to raise” as a brand new pastor. They were forever encouraging me and supporting me and my family. The salary, such as it was, amounted to just $9,800 but the learning experience was “priceless.”

The church had struggled for many years as a number of pastors came and went. Hogan Dodd the son of the giant of pastors; M.E. Dodd and a man who left the ministry because as he himself said, “My father called me to be a preacher not God;” Richard Vaughn a Beaumont evangelist who was gone more than he was present during his stint as pastor; James Salles, my friend and who like myself, was coming as a first time pastor, and; there was me. I stayed from 1972 until 1977. I think my role was to get the church ready for its future but was never intended by God to be a part of that future. That would be put in the hands of Bro Pippin. My task was to bring unity to a body that was divided in several factions. God blessed we began to grow and the factions were dealt with and overcome.

M.A. Smith talked with me often about wanting to build a new building. He went so far as to offer to guarantee the cost would be covered. After conversation we came to the conclusion that what the church needed was not so much a new facility but a Unity of spirit and vision. It was shortly after I left in 1977 that they finally built that building M.A. and I so longed to see rise from that pasture like field.

The people who made up the core of that church back then were perfect for me. They were by-in-large patient and for the most part supported my leadership.  I still remember the sweet and precious way those five men (M.A. Smith, Phillip Matthews, Louis Eastman G.B. Carroll and Howard Zimmerman) supported me even when they didn’t agree with me on some project.  Each one of those men were authentic and taught me something special that I was going to need in the future.

M.A. Smith and his wife Connie taught me the real meaning and proper method of giving. This couple’s giving rivals that of the greatest among us when it comes to sharing the material blessings God  bestows on us. I remember him telling me in response to the question about a family he anonymously and literally carried financially for a year why he did it knowing that this man did not like him and often derided him when he was not present. He said, to me without hesitation, “Yes, it does bother me but truth be told it really doesn’t matter what he thinks of me but what I think of me and what God expects of me.”  This is the deacon at whose feet this pastor/preacher learned how real giving was to be done.” M.A. Smith modeled the gift of giving and I have tried to follow the example he set.  Of the literally hundreds of funerals I have done this man’s is the only one that I cried my way through the funeral message I brought.

Louis Eastman taught me the joy of serving the Lord and to not be inhibited in expressing my faith and love for the Lord in the public arena. I can still hear him whistling the songs of faith as we did a door to door canvass in the neighborhood behind the church. He was a poor man in this world’s goods but he was rich in the love and faith.  I learned that it is the intangibles of life for which people hunger and thirst. Louis taught me that people want to understood, accepted, loved and valued for who they are. Because he was rich in faith he was comfortable in the presence of those with far greater means.

Phillip Matthews and his wife Mary taught me about being gentle. This precious couple opened their home to us in such a wonderful way. They had learned through their own experiences how important it was for couples to have time together. They, more than anyone before or since, made it possible for Susan and I to have time together without children’s demands on our time. They would call their young pastor and say things like, “We want you to bring the children by and let us keep them and you and Susan go do something together.” Our children loved them and loved being with them. I remember the Nominating Committee once asked Philip to teach an adult class as he politely said, “No, These junior boys learn more in one hour hanging upside-down on their chair learn more than those adults do it weeks.” What I took away from them was that people don’t need to be too busy . . . they need time to develop their own relationship.  For that reason I have always tried to build into most projects an opportunity for people to come aside and rest before diving into a new ministry project.

G.B. Carroll along with his wife Ann taught me something in a negative kind of way and yet an equally powerful way and they probably would never guess what it was. G.B. bought the boat he had always wanted. Several of us noticed that he and Ann were missing a lot of Sunday’s enjoying their new boat. I’d probably would have done the same. So don’t see this as a negative toward them but rather a positive lesson for me.

Long story short, after about three months a storm wrecked the boat and his response to that experience is where the lesson lies. I remember him standing up in church, recounting the story, and then concluding “I thought I owned a boat but what I have learned is that the boat I bought owned me.”  The lesson I have carried away from that to this day is that even blessings from God can get between us and our walk with the Lord.

You see the Lord knew that down the road I would be faced with similar circumstances. He knew He was going to bless me with opportunities that if I were not careful might begin to see my involvement in those opportunities in a way that would lead me down a path that took me away from his presence and not toward it. I speak of the Partnership Mission Ministry in which I would become involved and in which I would play a significant role.

It served as a warning to me not to understand the path God was opening for me, the people and ministries He would open to me had anything to do with who I was but everything to do with who He is. God gave growth, both in spiritual maturity and numerical strength in every church I have served since those days at Highland Park Baptist Church.  I learned to say, “This is the Lord’s doing and it is glorious in our sight.”

And then there was Howard Zimmerman. Howard and Mary Zimmerman were some of the best friends we had while in Kilgore. We walked with them through some of the darkest days of their lives and they cared, loved and defended us in some of the hardest challenges we faced. Howard, and I fished together, prayed together, wept together and rejoiced together. God put him there to be my friend and he was. He was my strongest advocate, wisest advisor, and greatest supporter. His life experience, like the four already mention, had prepared him to teach me something important. It is this, every pastor/preacher needs a friend in whom he can confide and trust. I wish I had time to tell his story but suffice it to say he had a life experience that brought him to place where he came to see being his pastor’s friend was his “reasonable service to the Lord.”

So much for a few of the people who powerfully influence me and got me off to such a good start  However, I must comment on the congregation as a whole. This small band of faithful servants of the Lord taught me to make the plan, get the church on board with the plan and work the plan. This was the hardest working congregation I have ever been blessed to serve. If something didn’t work  as well or the way we expected it would not be for lack of effort. As one member told me, “Pastor, if this doesn’t work it will be for lack of effort on our part.”

I also learned from this group that everything we do had to be done at the highest level. We jokingly refereed to ourselves as the poor man’s First Baptist Church. Everything we did from Halloween Parties to the Lord’s Supper were done first class. Never a paper cup or plate and no plastic forks and yet somehow Connie and her ladies managed to always get us home after a food function quickly once the event ended.

I cannot speak for the men who served this church prior to me nor for those who followed me but I can speak for myself.  This was never my largest ministry and yet it was no less important than those that followed. This was not my most successful ministry but I learned more about being a pastor there than anytime before or since. Highland Park Baptist Church is and always will be my most important ministry.  “Why?” you ask. For the same reason George Washington was our most important President . . . . he was first. Highland Park Baptist was the first church that said, “Come be our pastor” and therein it  became the most important church in my pastoral ministry.

So, with gratitude to God I say thank you to that small band of believers who had a view for the world.  Who knew they would never personally touch the nations for Christ but also know that the young preacher God had entrusted into their hands one day might.

God would lead me on quiet a journey before it is over for me. I may not know how or when it will end but to a large measure it began in Kilgore, Texas at the Highland Park Baptist Church.